The Boy with the Backpack
by allavengedromance
Summary: Gilbert sees a boy leaving the school in the middle of the day looking downcast and decides to ditch with him. That boy is Matthew Williams, the invisible child, walking away to end it all. AU, Prucan, FACE family, suicidal themes, human names used
1. Chapter 1

He walked down the hallway head hanging low. His head usually hung low as he walked this same school hallway every day. His head would hang in disappointment of being forgotten by the ones around him _again_ and from the natural shyness he had, just trying to avoid the people around, knowing no one would notice him anyways. But someone did, on this day when his head hung even lower under the weight of his heavier than usual backpack red eyes were following his thin form.

Matthew Williams had woken up that morning from a nightmare. Nightmares weren't uncommon for the Canadian boy. He had them often and they all had a similarity. In all the dreams he would be forgotten by everyone even his family or disappear and no one notice he was gone. Recently the dreams had become more current and not even his razor can make the feelings go away and give him the release it used to.

The boy self-injured. He didn't do it because he enjoyed the act but because of how it made him feel. It convinced him that he was real and alive because sometimes he really believed that he wasn't even real since everyone constantly forgot and ignored him.

That morning, he decided, would be his last. He sat on his bed for a long time just thinking. _Is there really a reason not to do it?_ He stared at his hands, the scars on his arms, and then he looked up and surveyed the room slowly with red-rimmed eyes. His room was a little on the messy side. "_Maybe I should clean it first," _he thought while biting his lower lip. Where this urge came he wasn't quite sure, but he started to clean and organize his room.

"_They won't notice I am gone so they obviously won't clean out the room," _he thought with despair. Then he started thinking what the rest of his family would do with the room once they noticed no one was using it. He mused over those things and many more while he finished cleaning up his small room. Once finished there was something else nagging at him. _What else could there be?_ His locker.

So he found himself walking down the street towards the school. He made the walk before on the days when the bus driver would not see him waiting at the bus stop and would drive right by without noticing the teenage boy standing there. School had started not too long ago when he was cleaning, but he didn't walk any faster.

They wouldn't notice him walking in late. They haven't in the past when he barged in breathing hard from running all the way from the bus stop. Today would be no different. No one would turn a head, so he continued walking at his slow pace pondering over things. _Will I feel it? Will it hurt? How long will it take? _He pondered his end without fear all the way until the school came into view.

Once he took in the image of the school he straightened his back slightly where you almost wouldn't notice and walked with a little more purpose. He always liked to have things to do. They made him feel like he had a sort of mission and he strived to accomplish them to the best of his ability. His current mission was to clean out his locker.

He didn't want to have some student next year having to deal with a locker full of his stuff since no one would clean it out once he was gone, since no one would notice. Besides even if the school figured out the locker contained things that had no living owner he would not want to leave the burden of cleaning it out to them. He absolutely hated being a burden on people. That's why he must do this. In his mind he was wasting space, money, and time. All that wasted on someone who no one remembers when it could be used on someone more deserving, someone who can do something great.

As he pondered this and many more in his depressed state he walked into the school. Class had already started so the hallways were empty and void of life, mirroring the feeling swirling around inside of him. Not paying attention to what he was doing he walked into his second period class out of habit. Once he walked through the door he looked up and realized he hadn't been heading to his locker like he initially planned. Not that it made a difference though.

The class was carrying on as it normally would if someone hadn't just walked in in the middle of the lecture. Some people were whispering to each other like the teacher couldn't hear, others were texting friends that weren't in the class, some kids were actually trying to comprehend what the teacher was saying, most were staring into space daydreaming about nothing as most high schoolers did during class, but one student had their red eyes trained on the disheveled boy in the doorway that just walked in. Matthew didn't notice the eyes as he trudged to his seat in the third row with his head downcast because he was so used to being completely invisible at times like that.

Thankful that he sat next to the window, he stared out it and pondered things some more. He decided to go through the rest of the school day… or at least until lunch. It was not because he carried any fear about what he was going to do. In actuality deep down there was an excitement that he was finally doing some good from the world, but it was overshadowed by his deepening depression.

He didn't want to clean his locker out during classes in case someone heard him. He didn't want to disturb classes with his banging. Not that he feared someone seeing him, he actually would love that. He didn't want someone to think there was a ghost in the school like the one time he went to his locker during classes when he was late. He remembered that incident with a frown. It hurt more because it was his own brother and he had scars from that night to prove it.

The shrill bell broke his thought signaling a change of classes. He quickly got up and hurried to his next class not wanting to be banged against the lockers by the crowds of other students that wouldn't see him. In his rush to beat the large crowd he didn't see the white haired person walking towards him with a worried face. He also didn't see how the face looked even more worried as he left and how the white hair person stared at the door a moment in thought before grabbing their own bag and walking out into the crowded high school hallway.

Matthew sat down at his seat in his next class and watched as the rest of his classmates walked in to take their seats. Some were chatting with each other, others were waving goodbye to their friends in the hallway promising to see them later, and a few were walking in looking as bored as they probably were last class. As Matthew watched the rest of the class file through the door before the bell rang his eyes lingered on one person longer than the rest, Alfred, his brother.

_Surely he will notice me. _Matthew imagined his brother coming up to talk to him; asking him if everything was okay. He would say everything was fine and his brother would say, "Bullshit," and demand to know what was wrong so he could help his little brother and be the hero that he always claimed to be. He then shook his head. These thoughts only made it worse. Imagining how everything could be better if he wasn't invisible always depressed him more. He liked to blame books and Hollywood movies because stuff like the things in those movies doesn't happen to people like him. Even after reassuring himself he still watched his brother, the one person in the whole school who should recognize him, to see if he will notice.

Alfred walked in with his confident stride and his head held high wearing the goofy grin he almost always seemed to have on his face. For once he wasn't surrounded by one of his many friends. He scanned the room for someone to talk to eyes passing right over his younger brother as if he wasn't there and landing on someone else. "Hey Kiku!" he practically screamed while walking across the room to his Asian friend where he proceeded to talk about some "wicked awesome videogame" he played recently. It was at this moment Matthew tuned out his brother and the other conversations going on around him.

Matthew remembered at time when upon seeing him his brother would come up throw an arm around his shoulder and say some greeting involving recent slang and the term bro. Then he would proceed to talk endlessly about stuff that made no sense to anyone who didn't have the happy-go-lucky personality that Alfred had that just seemed to spread to all the people around him. But just like everyone else Matthew became invisible to Alfred and faded into the background and the back of his mind as the twins grew older.

To say Matthew didn't miss the times when he was close to his brother would be a lie. Even though they hadn't hung out in years some of his best memories were when they used to hang out and do brotherly things. He remembered how Alfred used to stand up for him and beat up the kids that would make fun of him because he was the hero, but that is all those times were now, a used to, a memory. Stuff like that didn't happen anymore. Stuff like that hadn't happened in years. The last time Alfred really remembered him was almost a year ago when their dad forced him to bring Matthew along to hang out with his friends. At the time Matthew was a burden to him with his quiet shy personality, an annoyance. That's all he was now, a burden. He almost didn't hear the bell he was so lost in his thoughts. With a sigh he got up and trudged to his next class. One more class until lunch and then this would all be over.

The next class went by much like the first two. Not one person so much as looked at him, his name was not called on the roster, and the teacher didn't hand out the worksheet the rest of the class was working on to him. Usually he would go up to the teacher's desk and explain how he didn't get one; the teacher would look confused, but then give him a sheet. Today was different.

He didn't go out of his way to get the work because he wouldn't need it. He wouldn't be back tomorrow so he didn't need the work today. He pondered many things as he did in the past classes, but this time kept an eye on the time. He looked around his small classroom one last time attempting to find some sort of good memory there to carry with him as he left. He drew a blank. There were none. He took in the faces of his fellow classmates and said a silent goodbye to them as the bell rang signaling lunch time.

Most of the class rushed out the door to ensure they got near the front of the lunch line while a few lingered with their friends and slowly disappeared from the classroom in groups laughing and talking about nothing. Matthew waited until most people cleared the room before he started packing his bag. He didn't want to have to try to clean out his locker in the middle of that crowd. He could just imagine getting slammed into his locker and having his head stuck inside until a janitor realized there was a boy stuck there late in the night.

Shaking thoughts of getting his head stuck in a locker out of his head, he shrugged his backpack on one shoulder and made his way out into the hallway. The hallway was mostly empty except for a few kids walking to lunch and others talking with their friends by their lockers. Luckily he wouldn't have to worry about people running into him or knocking down his stuff as he cleaned his locker because it wasn't near the cafeteria and there wouldn't be a crowd. He made it too his locker and fiddled with his lock for a little while before peering inside.

His locker was decently organized which he was grateful for so he could leave sooner. Being at school was depressing and just made everything worse. He stared at his locker contemplating the best way to place his belongings in his bag. They were mostly text books and spirals, but he wanted to make sure they all fit. He started with the larger books stuffing them in his backpack two at a time, then he moved to the smaller, and then the thin spirals. It was a tight squeeze but it all fit. After he fought with the zipper for a few minutes he was ready to go.

He looked at his open locker a little longer remembering the times he was accidently pushed into it. Shoving his now heavy backpack on his shoulders he made his way down the hallway with a mixture of emotions. He was slightly happy about it all being over. The thought gave him relief which also gave him a dim feeling of happiness. Those good feelings were overshadowed by his growing sense of dread that came along with his sadness and overwhelming depression that seemed to fill his insides when thinking of all the times he was forgotten and uncared for.

He walked down the hall head hanging low depression clouding his mind more and more the longer he sat with his lingering thoughts. _"It will all be over soon,_" he thought dryly to himself. The hallways become more populated with people as he neared the cafeteria. _Not like it matters. No one will notice. _His dark thoughts were right. Now one head of the many students turned. Not one person made eye-contact. Not one person out of the many noticed the depressed boy walking by under the weight of his heavy backpack. He decided to stop dwelling on it. This is how things went. This is how they always went and this is how they always will be. _"Hey!"_ That's why I'm doing this. _"Hey kid!" _That's why I just can't live like this anymore.

The boy became so lost in his thoughts he was tuned out from the world around him. Halfway through a thought a grunt escaped his mouth and he found himself laying on his back on the floor, which was similar to sitting since his backpack was stuffed to the brim with books. He looked up in a small daze to notice an open door right where he was walking. _"Of course," _he thought miserably. This wasn't the first time he ran into a door. Usually they were being slammed on him from the people walking in front of him, but it left the same feeling. He sat a moment basking in his growing misery until he heard footsteps coming up behind him. "Hey, are you okay kid?"

He looked up to see a boy with white hair and a worried expression in his red eyes. "Uh…umm…" Not used to being noticed the boy was having trouble coming up with a quick response. Luckily for him the other boy continued talking.

"Dude, that must have hurt," he said shooting a glare at a passing student, probably the one that came out of the classroom. The red-eyed boy continued talking while the boy with the backpack sat there on the ground shocked someone was noticing him.

"Some people are just not as awesome as the awesome me I guess," the white haired boy said with a shrug sticking his hand out to the other still on the ground. The boy on the ground stared at it a moment before feebly taking the pale and him his and being hoisted forcibly to his feet.

The red-eyed boy decided it was time for introductions since they didn't really know each other stated, "My name is Gilbert and I'm am the awesomest thing in this dump called a school. So, who am I gracing with my awesome presence?" He looked at the boy in front of him questioningly.

"Oh… I'm… uh… M-matthew," the boy said feebly in his shy manner. Noticing Gilbert still looking at his expectantly he decided he might not have heard him and said a little less shyly, "My name is Matthew Williams."

"Mind if I ditch with you?" Gilbert asked nonchalantly now leaning against the wall.

"W-what?" Matthew asked now very confused. Gilbert gave him a look.

"You know, ditch, skip class. I mean you obviously aren't just leaving for lunch carrying a backpack like that," he said pointing to the overstuffed backpack currently hindering Matthew's balance. Gilbert paused giving a chance for Matthew to respond, but he just stared back still slightly confused and adjusted his backpack strap.

"Soooo," Gilbert said while getting of the wall. "Ditching is always funner with someone else." Gilbert grasped Matthew's wrist and started dragging him down the hall as he said, "We need to hurry if we don't want to get caught."

Matthew cringed in pain as his wrist was grabbed. Gilbert's grip wasn't strong enough to cause pain, actually it wasn't that strong of a grip at all, but Matthew's wrist stung as he was sure cuts were reopened and staining the bandage hidden under his hoodie sleeve red. Gilbert sensing the other boy's discomfort and knowing he would follow behind let go of the wrist, put his hands in his pockets, and continued walking out the front door of the school. Since it was lunch, it wasn't odd for people to be passing in and out the doors, the ideal time for leaving to ditch the rest of the day. Gilbert threw open the door like he owned the place and walked outside into the bright day with Matthew trailing behind.

Outside seemed so much brighter then inside the school. It always amazed Matthew that no matter how many lights were on in the school you were always blinded when you first walked outside. It was as if all the lights in the school were miniscule compared to the light of the sun, like all of the lights inside the school were fake version of the real light that was on the outside. "_Kind of how the people here act," _Matthew would sometimes think. He always liked nature so he enjoyed the times he could walk outside the doors and bathe in the rays of the sun on his pale skin even though he preferred the cold and winter.

Matthew's eyes quickly adjusted to the bright light of the sun. Gilbert continued walking down the front steps taking no notice to the fact that he wasn't being followed at first. Matthew watched him walking down the steps confused at what exactly he had gotten himself into. Focusing his attentions on the recent events of being noticed put the depressing thoughts he had before in the back of his mind.

"Hey kid, you coming or what?" Gilbert said stopping and turning around slightly to look at the boy still standing on the top steps of the school. Matthew nodded his head before muttering yes with his quiet voice.

"Well come on, then. You were the one originally skipping." Matthew quickly sped up to catch up to Gilbert and walk into step beside him. It was at that the two teens started their way down the sidewalk leaving the school behind.

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><p><em>AN: Ya, I don't really know where this came from. It was saved on my computer as "random writing blurb" for the longest time so I continued it and it turned into a Prucan fic._

_This is my first fic so please tell me what you think! I really want to know how my writing is and where there is room for improvement. I already have the next chapter written so expect an update soon._


	2. Chapter 2

"Umm… Where are we going?" Matthew asked sheepishly. Gilbert shrugged as he responded, "I don't know. Wherever. Where do you want to go since you were skipping first?"

"I wasn't skipping…" Matthew said quietly fiddling with the bottoms of the sleeves of his red hoodie remembering why he was in the hallway to begin with.

"Oh really? Then what were you doing leaving the school with your backpack anyways?" Gilbert looked at him expectantly. They was quiet a moment while Matthew tried to think of something to say as they continued down the sidewalk.

"Why is your backpack so full anyways?" Gilbert said in an attempt to make conversation.

Matthew pushed his square rimmed glasses up his nose so that they framed him violet eyes before stuttering out, "I-I was… cl-cleaning out m-my locker."

Gilbert gave him a look. "Why would you do that?" He thought of his own locker with books and loose papers covering the insides and then looked at the heavy backpack on the other boys back.

"I di-didn't want anyone else to have to cl-clean it out."

"You are one weird kid," Gilbert said after a moment putting his hands in his back pockets and looking forward again.

"And you're not?" The indigo eyed teen said mockingly as the other raised an eyebrow at him. Gilbert looked back at him and gawked, "How am I the weird one here?"

Matthew looked him and then responded, "Well, I mean, what normal person wears red contacts, eh?" Gilbert looked at him with a growing grin and amusement in his eyes. "…and, well, I don't know if you dyed your hair, but I doubt that is your natural color."

At that Gilbert exploded into laughter. He stopped walking to catch his breath from laughing so hard. Matthew gave him a quizzical look while a small blush formed on his cheeks for thinking the white haired teen was laughing at him.

Gilbert let out a few more chuckles before responding, "My hair is natural thank you very much, and my eyes are normally this color," he said pointing to his oddly colored eyes. "I'm albino. Awesome, right?"

"Albino?"

"Ja, you know, got no pigment and some shit like that."

Before Matthew could say anything Gilbert blurted out, "I'm hungry. We need to go eat." Then he looked at Matthew's backpack. "But first we need to dump the bag."

Sensing that Gilbert would just leave his stuff in some nearby bushes Matthew quickly responded, "M-my house isn't t-too far fr-from here. I can go drop m-my st-stuff off there… I have to get something anyw-ways."

Matthew's house was only about a ten minute walk from where they were. They walked most of the way in silence after Gilbert told Matthew to lead the way. Matthew wasn't sure how to handle actually being around someone after being ignored so long. He knew the silence was a little awkward but had no idea what to say to the pale albino walking with him. Another drawback of being invisible: on the rare occasion that he was visible, he was very awkward. It didn't really matter how he acted around people because soon after they would forget him anyways, even the few people who noticed him enough that he would consider them friends completely forgot him now. This boy would forget him too soon, but that did not mean that Matthew wouldn't make the most of the company while he was remembered.

Matthew walked up to his average sized house pulling the key out of his pocket with a bored looking Gilbert following not too far behind. When he was about to put the key in the lock he noticed something. _The door is unlocked. _He stared at it a moment surprised. No one was supposed to be home today. He made sure of that when planning… _No I can't think about it. Not now. Not when things are starting to look up for me. I was noticed, but… I will be forgotten. No! Don't think about those things! ...Not now. _

While Matthew was having this internal battle, Gilbert was watching from a few steps behind him. His eyebrows scrunched up as he saw Matthew tense. Matthew had walked up to the oak-wood door slowly in that shy manner he had, pulled out his key to unlock it, and right when he was about to put the key in the keyhole, he stopped. He was now just staring at door slightly tense with his hand holding the key still frozen in front of the lock. Gilbert's eyes narrowed slightly. _I knew something was up._

"Everything okay, kid?"

Matthew jumped slightly being pulled out of his inner argument and daydream. He let out a shaky sigh. He knew by now not to tread on the bad things. It could lead to a breakdown, almost what just happened. He turned his body to look at the boy behind him whose face was full of… _concern?_ Matthew stared for a second processing the look of the person in front of him. _Nope, that look was definitely concern._ _It was hidden behind cockiness but still was concern. _The question surprised Matthew and seemed to come out of nowhere, but Matthew responded almost right away after turning to face the albino.

"I'm f-f-fine. I just. I was j-just th-thinking…"

Gilbert gave him a skeptical look before accepting that he wouldn't be told more.

"Ok then, if you say so."

Matthew turned back to the door, unlocked it, and opened it up revealing the clean house on the inside. The boys walked inside and Matthew told Gilbert that he just needed to put his backpack upstairs in his room and they could leave. If someone would have told Matthew earlier that he would have someone in his house that could remember him for more than ten minutes and was planning on hanging out with him (even if it was skipping school and the person just seemed really bored) he wouldn't have believed them. Actually, he wouldn't have believed someone would seek him out to talk to him like that, but that isn't the point.

Gilbert followed Matthew up the stairs and into his room. It was a pretty nice house, nothing really special, just the average house of a middleclass family. The furniture and everything went well together so someone spent the time to make sure the house looked presentable. Gilbert took note of the surroundings, but not enough to notice details. He never was one to be interested in home décor. Matthew stopped at the end of the hall on the second floor with a door on each side of the hallway. He opened up the door on the left and walked inside. Gilbert followed shortly after.

Gilbert looked around the room. There was a bed in the corner near the window and a small desk with a laptop and a small clutter of papers on it against the opposite wall. The floor had a few scattered clothes and random items here and there, including a hockey stick, but nothing really messy; much neater then Gilbert's own room. The walls were what caught Gilbert's eyes. There were a few hockey posters with teams and players he didn't recognize, and few smaller posters of random bands, nothing he was familiar with, and a Canadian flag on one wall. _So he is Canadian. Well, that explains the hockey and over-politeness. _

Matthew had walked to his desk and dumped his backpack on it with a grunt. He opened one of the drawers in his desk and started rummages through it for some cash in case he needed it. He usually has some money on him just in case, but today he didn't grab any since he didn't think he would be in need of it because… _No don't think about it! _

"Are you Canadian?" Gilbert asked looking at the flag; stopping Matthew's thoughts before he could start another internal battle.

Matthew looked up and beamed standing up a little taller than usual. He loved his Canadian heritage. It was the one thing he liked about himself.

"Yep, I'm from Canada, the Great White North. The land of snow, maple syrup, and the best sport ever," Matthew declared now wearing a genuine smile.

Gilbert noticed the change in Matthew's attitude as he said this. _Wow, he really likes Canada. _He then looked at Matthew and saw him wearing a genuine smile that reached his eyes. _He should smile more…_

"Well that explains a lot," Gilbert said with a smirk.

"Eh? What do you mean?" Matthew truly didn't understand what it explained.

"Well, you just scream Canadian. You like hockey, say 'eh,' and probably like other Canadian stuff… like maple syrup!"

"W-when d-did I say e-eh?" Matthew asked his cheeks containing a slight blush of embarrassment.

"A few times when we were talking." Gilbert looked at Matthew and noticed he didn't seem happy about it like the other Canadian things. "What's wrong with saying it? Is it bad or something?"

"Oh, n-no. It's just my d- dad doesn't like when we don't use proper English so I'm trying to break the habit." Matthew looked at Gilbert. "He's English… so he cares about stuff like that," he added as he leaned against his desk.

"Wait, you said we."

"Ya, me and my brother, Al. You probably know him." Noticing Gilbert's confused face he added, "Alfred Jones. We have different last names."

Gilbert looked at Matthew intently. He knew Alfred. They had some classes together, and they did not get along. It was most likely because both of their large egos couldn't stand to be in the same room as each other, but neither of them would ever admit that was the cause. Gilbert looked at Matthew once more. He could see the resemblance now. Alfred had wheat colored hair and eyes a blue like the sky on a sunny summer day, while Matthew's hair was a shade darker and a little longer, and his eyes were indigo, similar his brother's but with a purple shade. They also both had a hair that could not be tamed no matter the hair product used. Alfred had a small cowlick that protruded from the front of his hair that he named Nantucket to the disdain of everyone around. Matthew had a long curl protruding from the front of his head that always hung in his face.

"Mmm… I guess you look kind of like him." Gilbert tilted his head peering at Matthew through squinted eyes. "I see the resemblance."

Matthew was unsure what to say. _Maybe the red eyes mean he has trouble seeing. _If he was not invincible he was mistaken for his brother and never at a good time. He tended to get beat up and blamed for things Alfred did. He suspected that people were so angry and in need to find Alfred that they overlooked the subtle differences of the twin's appearances and took their anger out on him instead. The beatings usually involved a Cuban that Alfred just loved to annoy, claiming that he was a communist. Matthew inwardly cringed at the memory. The Cuban was not weak in the slightest.

The quiet moment between the two that was quickly turning awkward was broken by a low growl coming from Gilbert's stomach and him proclaiming, "I'm hungry. Let's go eat now."

Matthew snatched his wallet of his desk knocking a small box to the floor with a clatter from the metal inside as he was grabbed by the arm and led out of his room. This time, to his relief, it was closer to his elbow and not his lower forearm where the majority of his cuts from self-injuring were located. Being the courteous person he is, Gilbert didn't drag Matthew all the way out of the house, but let him lead the way once he dragged him out of his room. Matthew walked down the stairs with Gilbert trailing not far behind. Halfway down the stairs they heard a bang coming from the kitchen.

"What was that," Gilbert said stopping on the stairs.

Matthew stopped to look back at him. "Probably one of my parents. The door was unlocked earlier so one of them is probably home."

"Alfred!" Matthew froze at the sound of his brother's name being called in a strong British accent. He turned to see a man standing at the bottom of the stairs with anger radiating off of him. The man had blond hair, pure green eyes, and large eyebrows that Gilbert's eyes couldn't look away from.

"H-Hi, d-dad," Matthew stuttered while fiddling with the seams of his red hoodie.

"Don't you 'hi dad' me Alfred! Why are you not at school?" the Brit snapped angrily at the Canadian.

"I-I'm n-not Alf-fred," the blond boy muttered looking at his hands as he fiddled with the seams of his hoodie trying to hold back tears. Gilbert was watching the scene fold out in front of him from his spot on the stairs behind Matthew.

"What did you say?" The older man gritted out through his teeth.

Matthew looked up and responded, "I'm M-matthew." That seemed to be the breaking point for the British man as his anger boiled.

"Don't you give me this about some Matthew character, Alfred! You are going back to school right now! Maybe if you attended, you'd be able to think of believable excuses!"

"I'm not Alfred… I'm M-matth-," his father cut him off.

"I do not know anyone named Matthew."

Matthew stared at his father for a moment before the tears started to fall. _No one cared. His own father couldn't even remember him. _Matthew started shacking as the despair surfaced inside of him trying to take over. _I hate it here. I hate them all. Why can't they remember? _Matthew looked up at his father with despair in his eyes begging for his father to realize he made a mistake. Not a moment later Matthew was running as fast as he could out of the house leaving an angry Brit and confused albino behind.

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><p>AN: Did you really think I would end this chapter on a good note? XD When I went back and reread it I thought Gilbert seemed to be acting a little OOC, but don't worry I found a reason why that will be explained later because I couldn't find a good spot to put it now.<p>

I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, story alerted, and stuff. Mostly reviewed. Lets just say I happy danced when I got the first review and I now know what everyone meant when they said review inspired them to write. It means a lot and I really like getting your opinions and input (Sorry Regal Panther, no ducks this chapter :P) . Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to get the next chapter up next week sometime.


	3. Chapter 3

Clack. Clack. Clack. Clamp… Clamp. Clack. Clack. Clamp…

Matthew stumbled yet another time while running as fast as he could down a sidewalk. A sidewalk where? He didn't know. After sprinting out the front door of his house he just kept going. He didn't know where he was going, but all he knew was that he wanted to go away. He didn't want to spend another second around any of them. He didn't want to spend another second invisible. He didn't want to be a ghost to the world while he was alive. He just wanted to get away. He didn't stop when his vision was completely blurred with tears. He didn't stop when his side ached from the exertion. He didn't stop when he breathing became haggard. He was tired and sweaty. He was stumbling every so often from running so long, but he kept going. His face was red and stained from tears long run dry. His indigo eyes were full of despair and pain, not focused on anything.

Clack. Clack. Clump.

He fell, his body hitting the ground with a thunk. He was too tired to move at first, but then he slowly bought himself to a sitting position. He let all his emotions hit him at once. No use running from them anymore: he would have to stop eventually. All of the fear, sadness, and depression he was harvesting inside hit him all at one time and he let all of those emotions out as he sat there. He started crying into his hands uncontrollably breathing hard. His knees were tucked under his hands as he sat there crying.

The weather matched his mood. Over the time he got home to the time he started running, dark clouds invaded the sky and attacked the sun, overtaking the light in the sky during the battle. The sun lost the battle for the sky, and the large dark clouds loomed over the town blocking out the sun. The clouds looked like they would drop a bomb know as a storm on the small sun-loving neighborhood, but there were no raindrops falling now, not as Matthew sat there in the shadows of the clouds letting depression take over.

Matthew's tears created more despair than any storm could, and they didn't seem to be stopping. Matthew breathing became haggard as he was staring to have trouble breathing. _Why?... why? Why? Why? Why? _"Just… why?" He mumbled to himself. _Why me? What have I done to deserve this? _He couldn't understand. Had he done something to anger God? He wasn't the most holy person, actually he wasn't religious at all, but he didn't want to put the blame on his family and classmates. It had to be him. He must have done something… and this was his punishment.

He once read that in reincarnation that if you did bad in your past life you were punished in the next. He must have been a horrible person in his past life to have the life he had now. He thought he must have murdered many people. The thought made sense to him. He was invisible because in the past he had done bad. In his mind it explained how everyone could forget him so he chose to believe it for a time. He doesn't think about it much now, but whenever he tried to logically think about why his life was so horrible, it was all he could come up with. Some may think it was silly, but there are not many reasons he could ever come up with for his invisibility. How could everyone he meets forget him? How could they all overlook him and not see him standing there? Why couldn't anyone see him like they did others? Why didn't anyone ever seem to care?

His breathing was becoming more like hyperventilating by the second. His mind was invaded by thoughts of his original plan for the day. _He would do it. He would go through with it this time. _Them he remembered the red eyed boy from earlier, the one person who saw him in that hallway. _He probably forgot me by now. _Matthew's thoughts were bitter and lined with despair. _They always do. _Matthew gave up all hope and let the dark and despairing thoughts invade the rest of his mind. Any happy and optimistic thoughts lost to the hopelessness immediately. The battle was over. The depression had won.

Matthew sat there holding his knees. He was slowly getting control over his breathing. He knew what he had to do.

-…-…..-…..-….-

Gilbert watched as Matthew ran out of the house with speed he never thought the Canadian could have. He just stood on the stairs looking out the door while his mind trying to figure out what had just happened. _That man is Matthew's dad. His dad was calling him Alfred. Alfred was Matthew's brother… He said he didn't know anyone named Matthew… He… He forgot his own son. _Gilbert turned to look at the bushy eyed man that had yet to acknowledge the albino standing on the stairs. The British man was staring out the door his forgotten Canadian son had run out of. His mind had yet to figure out his mistake.

Gilbert was quickly filled to the brim with anger after realizing the blond man's mistake. He couldn't comprehend how someone could completely forget a member of their own family. Gilbert and his grandfather didn't get along well, and sometimes he wished he could forget the strict man, but he would never be able to. His younger brother, Ludwig, could be annoying and a stick in the mud with his stoic "follow the rules" attitude, but he could never forget him. He would never admit it out loud, but he cared very much about his family, especially his little brother. As much as Ludwig got on his nerves for ratting him out and nagging him, Gilbert still cared very much for his younger brother and would not want anything to happen to him. To Gilbert, he was the older brother, and, despite his little brother being more responsible, it was his job to protect him even if it didn't seem like he thought that way at times. He just couldn't understand how someone could forget their own brother, like Alfred, or their own son, like the green-eyed man in front of him.

He glared out the man that was still staring at the door confused. Gilbert was never the smartest person. He didn't have good grades and some of the things he said didn't make much sense, but at that moment he understood much more than anyone would expect from him. Matthew was always forgotten. It made so much sense! Why he was so upset earlier. Why he was so socially awkward… Why Gilbert didn't recognize him before. He felt slightly guilty for that.

It was just earlier that week that he had been told about how he was oblivious to the world around him and "didn't give a damn about anyone but himself" and how "his annoyingly high ego would be the death of him." His friend, Elizaveta, gave him a huge speech about how he only cared about himself. He didn't remember what he did to set her off, but she was very angry and furious at the time. He'd been told similar things like that before by many different people, but never before had it affected him. Something was different this time though. Maybe because for once Elizeveta made a good point or worded it in a way that stuck in his head. It might have been because this time she really said what needed to be done. He could clearly remember that after she cooled down a little she told him in verbatim that he "needed to step of his high and mighty thrown and notice the pains of the people around him."

No matter the reason, her words came back to him when he saw a depressed looking boy in his class. Before he would have ignored it completely, but today he didn't. He decided for once in his life to listen to what someone told him and just see what was wrong. He was thinking it would be something small, he could grace the thin kid with his awesomeness, and all will be well. Heck, maybe the kid would be so grateful he would worship at the feet of awesome or something like that. Gilbert was so very wrong in thinking that. He was now starting to understand that things were a lot worse for the kid then he originally though, and now that he understood the situation, he knew he was part of it, but he would make up for his mistakes… starting now. At that moment he let his anger boil over.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU SELF-CENTERED BITCH!" He stood on the stairs, hands now in tight fists. The blond haired whipped his head to face the albino.

"How dare you! I don't know who you are, but any delinquent skipping school with Alfred has no right to speak to ANYONE in that way, most definitely NOT ME!" The man's green eyes were glaring out from beneath bushy eyebrows. Despite the anger he had he would not stoop as low as to completely lose his anger on a teenager. He was still a gentleman, and gentlemen do not cuss out teens.

After more harsh words, Gilbert realized he would never get anything done if he continued to lash out at the Brit, though he did deserve it in Gilbert's mind. He needed to move fast and he needed to find Matthew. He took a deep breath and tried a different approach.

"Mr. Williams," Gilbert stared his voice was calm but still full of malice coming out through gritted teeth. The blond man looked confused.

"Williams? I'm not a Williams, lad. I'm a Kirkland, Arthur Kirkland to be exact." He was really confused at the red-eyed boy's words. Williams? It rang a bell, but he couldn't figure it out.

"Wait, but you're Matthew's dad. How is he a Williams and you a Kirkland?" Gilbert wondered out loud. Arthur's mind was still working through the albino's words, but the gears in his head were slowly starting to turn.

"…and what about his brother… Alfred's last name is Jones…" Gilbert was still splurging out the words circling around his head, trying to figure it out. Something clicked for Arthur.

"Adopted," he stated. Gilbert looked at him eyes asking for a better explanation.

"My… partner and I adopted the twins when they were younger. They had a hard life before. Their parents divorced before they could walk so they each inherited the last name of the parent that took them. Alfred went to live with Mr. Jones and Matthew…" Arthur paused his story about the past when realization hit him. Green eyes became wide as the gears in his head started moving at top speed.

"M-matthew… That was… Matthew," he mumbled out.

"Damn straight that was Matthew! The awesome me would never be caught with his hamburger obsessed brother!" Gilbert's anger returned as he glared at Arthur again. _Did it really take that much to remember him? I know everyone can't be as awesome as me with remembering this, but still._

The wide green eyes turned towards the front door as Arthur raised a hand to his mouth letting a "Oh God," escape him.

"Oh God is right! But there is no time to sit here doing nothing! We need to find him!" Gilbert really didn't know what he was doing anymore. Sometimes he gets an instinct and lets it just take over the rest of him. It is one of the reasons he gets into so much trouble all the time, instinct just takes over and he goes with it. This instinct was different than the rest. He knew that he needed to find the boy he didn't really know of until less than an hour ago. He didn't know or understand why. Hell, he didn't even know why he cared so much about this. He just knew he needed to find the Canadian and fast.

"Do you have any idea where he went?"

The blond man shook his head. "No, I don't have the slightest idea." The man seemed a little out of it still staring at the door. He probably was upset for forgetting the younger twin. "Francis needs to know… It's unlike him to act like that." Gilbert didn't know who Francis was, but they needed to do something. Both males knew something was wrong, and passed off their lack of knowledge for each other. They both understood that they needed to find Matthew, especially if he is acted different than usual.

Arthur turned to him and said, "We need to find out where he ran to. I don't have the slightest idea where the lad would have gone. You can go and check in his room and see if there is some clue as to where he went in it." He looked into the red eyes of the boy in front of him as he said those words. He was upset with himself. How could he mistake his own son? He knew this probably had happened often thinking about how Matthew responded. _Francis, Francis has to know where to look. He was always closer to the boy._

"I have to call Francis," was all he said as he walked in the kitchen leaving the albino still standing at the stairs.

* * *

><p>AN: After going back and reading this I realized there is a lot of action and not a lot of explanation for it. I tried to go back and explaining things, but if it's confusing please tell me so I can bring it up later.  
>On that note, someone asked why Arthur was home. I was going to mention it next chapter, but after starting it I'm not sure if I'll get to it. I'm just going to mention it here in case it was bugging anyone. Arthur was home for lunch that day. When Matthew made sure no one would be home he didn't consider one of them coming home from work for lunch.<p>

Thank you guys for all the reviews! They make me super happy! ^.^


	4. Chapter 4

Gilbert felt weird walking into the bedroom without the owner. He wasn't sure why. He's been into tons of other people's rooms when they weren't there. Not too many, but enough where walking in one now wouldn't be awkward. Let's just say Gilbert chooses to live his high school life to the fullest. He supposed that it was awkward since he really didn't know the Canadian; a fact that made finding out where he was much harder. Yes, they could just drive around and look for him, but they still might not find him. They didn't know what direction he went or anything for that matter. Matthew also didn't seem like the person to just wander aimlessly but in Gilbert's case who knew, he barely knew the Canadian. Matthew didn't seem to know where he was going when he was ditching earlier, but with the way he reacted to Arthur he doubted he was heading back any time soon. If he wasn't coming back, he was going somewhere, and Gilbert needed to find out where.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and did a quick sweep of the room with his eyes trying to find clues. He noticed the same things as before: the posters, the small mess, the Canadian flag. _Could he have gone to Canada?_ Gilbert entertained the thought for a moment before passing it off. He wasn't stupid, Matthew may love the country, but he wouldn't run away there would he? He doubted it; they didn't even know he was planning on running for good. He probably was just hanging out somewhere while he was calming down. He would probably get over it soon. That's what Gilbert would do if he was pissed or upset, but Gilbert was too awesome to get upset. Passing off the idea of Matthew hitchhiking to Canada, he continued scanning the room.

He didn't really know what exactly he was looking for. It was weird enough Matthew's dad was letting someone he didn't know search the house. Though, the British man seemed a little lost in his thoughts before, and might now have known what he was saying, just letting word vomit flow as his concern for his son grew. _He probably thinks we're good friends or something. _The thought made sense to Gilbert. Arthur couldn't remember who Matthew was so he definitely wouldn't be keeping track of his friends. Anyone would seem like a friend if they were seen just hanging out with the Canadian at his house. Gilbert's short attention span ended his thoughts as he bought his thoughts back to the bedroom he was in.

He took time to focus on the smaller things in the room that blended in with the small clutter that seemed so much smaller and neater now that he was really looking. His eyes landed on the hockey gear against the wall. Gilbert remembered Matthew's enthusiasm when talking about Canada.

"The best sport ever, huh?" Gilbert mumbled to himself. _Maybe he went to the ice rink. _Gilbert mused over this idea for a moment. Matthew seemed to be very fond of Canadian things so wouldn't he go somewhere that would remind him of Canada? Gilbert personally loved Germany and German things, though he claimed to be Prussian. Prussia wasn't a country anymore so the closest thing to it was Germany.

If something was up he would want to be around German things or things to remind him of his time in Germany, some of those things being German beer, but that wasn't the point. Gilbert's ego increased as he felt that he solved the problem of finding Matthew with his awesome problem solving skills. Then he realized he had no idea where the ice rink was or if there was even one nearby. _Arthur probably wouldn't know either since he seems pretty clueless right now._ Gilbert then remembered what Matthew's father was doing and wondered who Francis was.

_Maybe he was one of Matthew's friends_. It made sense to Gilbert. He just couldn't see how someone could just not have any friends. Gilbert couldn't remember anyone at the school being named Francis though, but he guessed that it could be someone who wasn't zoned to the high school they go to. The albino wasn't too sure about it though. He seemed too important to just be another teen. _Maybe he was a family member._

It made perfect sense to Gilbert that a family member would be the first person to be contacted in a situation like this, even though he still wasn't sure what the situation was. The real question was what family member it was. Gilbert took the time to think about it. He remembered what Arthur told him about the twin's childhood. _Maybe his mom got married and that was his step-dad or something. _Gilbert still wasn't too sure, but the whole situation was starting to confuse him. He wasn't prepared for all this drama and thinking, he thought he was just going to spend the rest of the day off school hanging out and possibly having his awesomeness praised.

Gilbert continued looking around the room seeing if he could find anything else about the Canadian he met. It wasn't snooping, he had permission to do this, and, who knows, it could help find Matthew. After that thought passed through Gilbert's head he let his curiosity take over and started what most people would consider snooping. Gilbert turned to the closet across from the two windows in the room. He opened the door and peered inside the small closet. It was surprisingly organized.

Nothing in the Canadian's closet really stood out. There were normal everyday clothes similar to what the blonde teen was wearing when he ran off and a few pairs of shoes lining the bottom of the closet, nothing fancy. Gilbert closed the door unsurprised, he wasn't really expecting anything exciting, but you just can never know.

After closing the closet door, he turned and looked at the bed on the opposite side of the room. Sitting on the bed was a worn stuffed animal polar bear. It looked white in the light coming in from the window behind it, but you could easily tell it wasn't as white as it once was. Gilbert went up to the bear with a soft smile. Matthew had the bear in a sitting position on the neatly fixed bed facing the rest of the room. Gilbert could easily tell that Matthew cared about the bear. As he got closer he realized the stuffed animal's head was leaning slightly to side making it look like he was questioning the albino in front of him, as if it was asking, "who?" Gilbert gave a small smile as he patted the worn bear saying, "Ja, ja, I will be out of here soon." He always had a soft spot for cute things.

Gilbert turned to the left and decided to look at the desk a little bit. If there was anything else in the room that would be of any use it would be in the desk. The bedroom was just too clean. He was now noticing how the "slight clutter" was really nothing more than hockey gear and a shirt or two. Gilbert could understand how the bedroom could be neat and organized; very few teenagers could keep a room that way, but it could be done. There was just no way a teen could have a room _this_ clean. It was like it was barely lived in or if it was just prepared for guests. It seemed odd to the white haired teen, but many things about Matthew and his family seemed a little weird so he didn't dwell on it too long. There were good reasons for a room to be this clean and he was sure one of them was the reason why this one was that way.

He walked up to the wooden desk and prepared to rummage through the three drawers it had on the right side. He disregarded the top one that Matthew rummaged through earlier and started with the middle drawer: Gilbert was never one to do things in the expected orderly way. He pulled it open fast prepared to quickly rummage through everything inside and stopped when he saw the contents. Inside the drawer was a plastic first aid kit. He stared at it for a moment in confusion. What was a first aid kid doing in one of Matthew's desk drawers? The kit was obviously heavily used. It wasn't snapped shut and there was a piece of the gauze sticking out of the side.

Gilbert stared for a moment unsure of what to do. He didn't know what he was expecting to find inside the drawer, but it was definitely not this. The average teenager did not have a first aid kid filled with gauze in their room. It could have something else in it; he didn't know exactly all of what it was filled with…

Gilbert reached forward hesitantly and opened the plastic box. The inside of the box was the complete opposite of the room. All of the objects in the box seemed to be thrown around in panic. Peering into the small box was like looking into an alternate universe: parallel to the one you were in, but yet so different you'd never understand how they were similar after taking a look. The chaos inside was mesmerizing. It was completely different from the tidy small room. The inside of the small box held all the secrets Matthew had been keeping. The chaos inside showed his true feelings that were never shown, and Gilbert was getting a look at those feelings without knowing.

Gilbert stood straight with a sigh. Everything was much more complicated than he thought. _What am I getting myself into? _The thought ran through his head as he threaded his fingers through his white hair. As he turned away from the open drawer hand still in hair, he noticed a small black box sitting on the floor near the desk. He vaguely remembered the box fall front the desktop when Matthew dumped his backpack on it. The only reason he noticed it fall was because it made an interesting cling when it hit the carpet.

The box captivated him. He became very curious the longer he looked at it. _What could be inside?_ After what he found in the drawer he didn't know exactly what to expect. There was an idea in the back of his head, but he was trying to ignore it. Despite his attempts, the idea was still there, adding everything he had found together, telling him what was inside. He didn't want to believe the thought. He didn't even want to think about it, especially the indigo eyed boy he met earlier doing something like that, but the thought was still there.

Gilbert inched towards the box on the ground. He now had a vague idea what was inside, but he didn't want to believe it, so he went to quench his distress by seeing what was inside. He leaned down and picked up the small box all while keeping his eyes on it. The bottom of the box was about the size of his palm and it was just tall enough that he would be able to curl the tops of his fingers over the edge of the lid. It was much lighter than he was expecting. With the cling sound it made when it hit the ground, he thought heavier metal might have been inside. _Maybe it is some kind of special keepsake or necklace… _Gilbert didn't think Matthew was the person to have something like that, but it still crossed his mind.

He himself had an iron cross from his father. He usually keeps it in a box when he isn't wearing it, but he wears it most of the time. He touched the front of his shirt wear his iron cross could be found underneath. Ludwig had one that he also wore; they were matching. It's one of those odd keepsakes family has that keeps them close when things go bad. It shows they are brothers and carries a memory of their father. Maybe Matthew and Alfred had something like that. Maybe it would make Matthew feel better and calm him down. Gilbert went to open the box, his first idea completely gone, and replaced by the better one that he could relate to.

The lid of the box slid off so easily that Gilbert was surprised it didn't fall off when the box fell from the desktop. The surprise didn't compare to the shock he felt as he saw what was inside. He gawked. There was no way. There was just no way. It couldn't be true… but it was. The contents matched his original idea, the one he pushed to the back of his head. His mind was going a thousand miles an hour; to him it seemed to be moving as fast as the speed of light.

He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe someone would do that to themselves. Deep down he wanted to walk away, this was getting too much for the albino's mind. He had always been noticed and had friends. He actually was pretty popular. He was now realizing he never felt exactly like Matthew did now. How could he even begin to understand? This situation was much worse than he thought. Everything added together in his mind: the first aid kit, the box, the discomfort when Gilbert grabbed his arm… Gilbert's eyes widened slightly when he figured out the most likely reason why Matthew was tense at that moment.

He looked back towards the inside of the box. Staring at the shiny, thin slab of metal inside, two slabs actually – two small razor blades. The albino's red eyes reflected back at him from the surface of the blades. The red reflecting off of them was not sitting well with the albino, and it was worse with his imagination. The whole ordeal was a shock for the teen. He stayed there for a while thinking, giving him time for his thoughts and emotions to catch up to each other. After a few minutes they did, and he put the lid back on the box hiding the reflexive metal. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

><p>AN: Did I just right a chapter just about Gilbert? Why yes, yes I did. I was going to put the phone call with Francis this chapter but really wanted to upload so if things go as planned next chapter will be a little longer.

What do ya'll think? Like it? Hate it?


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur was having an internal panic attack. He was deeply worried for his quiet son. He knew he never paid much attention to him and sometimes forgot him, apparently more than he thought, but he never wanted to hurt the boy. Matthew was always the good child and seemed content with his quiet little self. Arthur was never one for emotions and touchy feely things so when the Canadian boy acted fine, to Arthur he was fine so he didn't spend his time worrying about him. He was usually busy scolding Alfred for his latest antics. Raising Alfred was time consuming because he was always getting into trouble. Not to mention the American had a craving for attention. He was always loud and had strong opinions on things, never thinking before speaking, so much unlike his twin.

Arthur walked into the kitchen contemplating what could be wrong with his youngest son. The lad had a hard life; the British man knew that well. Being split up from his twin brother was already hard on him as it would be any child. Arthur wasn't sure exactly how much that had an effect on the twins since they were not even toddlers when the split happened, but he knows it had some effect because when, if ever, they bought it up with Alfred he would get quiet. It was one of the few things that could make the American boy go silent. Matthew would act similarly, but it was less noticeable since he was always quiet and heard less. They believed it was because they were twins. Matthew had it harder though.

The Canadian was very close to his mother, probably because he spent his toddler years being raised by her in Quebec. She was a very caring woman that was the perfect match to be a parent to the shy boy. Their two-person family was one that belonged in a movie, but like a movie something went wrong. She died in a car crash when he was four. Matthew still occasionally got nervous in cars.

The child had to move from his Canadian home to live with his brother and father in America. He and his brother connected fast as if they had always been together. Another year passed and the father died of a heart attack. The man had been suffering from heart problems for a long time. The heart failure wasn't completely unexpected, but for two five year old boys it was unreal. The boys didn't spend long in foster care before Francis and Arthur adopted them.

Arthur distinctly remembered when he met the two boys. Matthew was clinging to his older brother tightly practically hiding behind him. Alfred was encouraging him to be brave saying something about being the hero and protecting him. Arthur smiled faintly at the memory.

_They never really grew up, did they?_ Arthur frowned to himself. The boys hadn't been spending that much time together recently. Actually, they haven't been spending any time together at all. Alfred usually hung out with his friends leaving Matthew alone. Poor boy always had trouble making friends. Arthur supposed it wasn't too bad; Matthew seemed to have made a good friend. Even though he did come off as slightly… vulgar, he did seem to truthfully care about the shy boy.

Arthur started his search for the house phone, which for some reason never seemed to remain on the receiver in the kitchen where it belonged, while his mind wandered to thoughts of the friend of his forgotten son. He wasn't sure if he liked the boy. He seemed like some punk that was nothing but trouble. Not someone he would want his son associating with. Arthur trusted the choices the Canadian made. Matthew would never hang out with a delinquent, and the boy seemed nice enough after he cooled down from his anger earlier. Arthur didn't blame him for losing his temper, he was about to lose his temper with himself knowing what he might have caused.

He wasn't sure exactly how much he trusted the red eyed boy. There was something that sent warning signs in the Brit's head, and he was starting to regret letting the boy roam the house freely. Right now he didn't have much of a choice. They needed all the help they could get to find Matthew since he kept so much to himself, and who better to help than one of Matthew's friends.

Arthur was a worrier. At the moment he was worrying the worst for the son he forgot. Worrying so much he felt sick in the pit of his stomach. He didn't have it in him to worry about the odd looking boy currently trying to find where his son could have gone.

Arthur spotted the phone next to the toaster. He grabbed it fast and dialed a memorized number mindlessly and quickly. He held the phone to his ear as the panic really set it. He listened to the ringing in the phone; one ring, two rings.

"Come one. Come on. Come on." Arthur was starting to panic. What if Francis didn't pick up his phone? What would he do then? Francis was at work, and it's not like he had an office job where he was by a phone constantly.

Francis worked as a chef at a nice French restaurant not too far from the house. Francis was a very talented chef, which was good because Arthur's cooking could be used as torture. He had just started working at the restaurant he is now this year. It's been a busy year for the Frenchman; starting as the head chef at a new restaurant was very time consuming. He wasn't at home as much as he used to be. He wasn't gone often either, it was just like he was working the average hours an adult would, but he used to be home much more in the past.

That was probably one of the reasons Francis and Matthew were so close: they were both home often and had time to bond. Arthur never really was close to the boy. He was a stricter man, not harsh in anyway, he just was not touchy feely and was not one to show his feelings. Francis, on the other hand, was very emotional; Arthur even considered him to be a bit of a drama queen. But Francis was the perfect person to get the shy boy they adopted to open up. The attention was good for Matthew. Not to mention, Francis spoke French.

Matthew lived in Quebec for his childhood so he spoke Quebecois as well as he did English. He and Francis used to talk in their French dialects to each other all the time. Arthur was surprised that Francis spent so much time talking in his language with the boy because Francis did say how he thought Quebecois was a disgrace to his language. He never told Matthew he thought that. That is how Arthur first realized how much Francis really cared for their son. It was a small thing, but it made the two closer and overtime they had a very close relationship. Whenever Matthew was sad or sick he would want Francis. If there was something he needed to talk about he would go to Francis. Arthur supposed it was because Francis was more open with his feelings and it just comforted the boy.

Arthur, on the other hand, was not. He was never one to openly state his feelings in a dramatic theater fashion like Francis, or at all. Arthur was more of a confined man that tried his best to remain calm and gentlemanly. The one exception was when dealing with Alfred. Alfred had a way of pushing all of the British man's buttons at once and setting off his anger. He learned quickly he needed to keep a close eye on the louder twin to make sure he stayed out of trouble.

This is why he gave a blind eye to Matthew most of the time. He didn't need to make sure the meeker son stayed out of trouble because he was so well mannered and behaved. He really was proud of the younger twin; he just didn't show it well. Francis would claim it a British thing, taking advantage of a moment to take a jab at his country, but now Arthur blamed his son's reaction of being mistaken on bad parenting, his bad parenting.

The phone buzzed a fourth time. Arthur was really starting to hate the ringing in the phone. He continued muttering into the phone about his lover picking it up and that it was an emergency. He normally had decent patience when it came to phones and wouldn't stoop so low to the hysteria he was showing, but he took no notice of his action while his mind continued to wonder, and he continued to panic.

"Bonjour mon petit lapin. It is such a pleasure to have you calling me! Do you need _something_? You never call," Francis said in a voice meant for a Shakespearian comedy. Francis was surprised his husband was calling him, much less in the middle of the day. Arthur never called unless he absolutely needed to, and even then preferred not too because of the teasing Francis would pull.

Arthur stopped his muttering that was starting to sound like he was cursing the phone at the sound of French words coming out of the speaker. Arthur knew what the French man meant by "something." _Bloody pervert. _He normally would tell his husband that and proceed to use other British slang, but right now he could care less about the secretly perverted comment Francis had made.

"Francis," Arthur said straining his voice slightly.

At the sound of Arthur saying his name Francis knew something was wrong. Not something small either. Seriousness took over Francis' demeanor leaving the joking behind. He should have known something was wrong when Arthur called at a time like this. The British man would never call in the middle of the day when they were working unless to was an emergency.

"What is wrong, mon cher?" Francis' voice leaked the worry he was feeling, but his words held the seriousness he knew the situation contained, his voice never trembling.

"It-it's our son." For once Arthur's emotion was clear in his voice. His worry had built up and was escaping out in his words.

"Oh, what did Alfred do this time?" His voice contained less emotion than before. He had gotten calls before about having to deal with Alfred. The boy was prone to trouble, and his obsession with being the hero didn't help. At least he could get off of work if he needed to go up to the school. God forbid Alfred got into another fight while trying to "be the hero."

"It's not Alfred," Arthur voice shook as he realized he never called about Matthew before. He knew that Matthew was the good son, but does he not pay enough attention that Francis would suspect Alfred right away. He hoped it was just that Alfred got into trouble often, and not his forgetfulness.

"It's Matthew."

"Mathieu?" Francis was shocked. It took him a moment to register what was said and who they were talking about, but when he did all the worry came back. He hoped no one hurt his Mathieu. He was so small and fragile. If anyone did they would pay. If he couldn't get revenge he would send an angry older twin to avenge the younger.

"Don't tell me you forgot him, you bloody git!"

"Non, I did not forget mon petit Mathieu. I was just shocked you were calling about him. Did anybody hurt him?" Francis' voice held a protective malice in the last sentence; it was not missed by Arthur.

"Nobody hurt him physically, but something is wrong with him. He just ran off on me. He wasn't acting like himself either."

Those words made Francis stand straighter and the gears in his head started turning. He knew better than anyone Matthew had emotional issues in the past. Nothing big, nothing to cause worry, just little things when they first adopted him. Occasionally something would happen to through Matthew off.

When he was younger he was an outcast and was upset a lot. Alfred decided to become his hero and best friend, and Matthew carried around his stuffed bear Kumajiro more. When he was older he exploded on Alfred once. It seemed he had a lot of pent up anger so he joined hockey. He hasn't had any problems since he started hockey many years before, or so Francis thought. He knew in the past the things he worried about were small, and he couldn't help but to worry. Now, though, Matthew was older and this seemed to be a reason to worry judging by the way Arthur was acting.

"Tell me what happened mon cher."

Arthur proceeded to explain the events that happed while he was home for lunch. He told Francis about how he heard the boys on the stairs. He said with great regret in his voice how he had mistaken Matthew for Alfred and yelled at him. He explained Matthew's reaction with worry. Then he told Francis about Matthew's odd looking friend that was currently in the house. He held back information on the details of the short argument the two had, but mentioned the main parts of it so Francis would know everything. Francis listened intently the entire time.

"I don't know what to do. The way Matthew acted was so unlike him even when he is angry. I don't think he is coming back soon, and we really need to find him. I don't want him wandering the streets or sleeping in some odd place because he is too angry at me to come home," Arthur said quickly voice full of worry.

"It will be alright mon lapin. Matthew is a very smart boy; he wouldn't do anything dangero-…" Francis was cut off by Arthur.

"You don't know that for sure! He could be so angry he doesn't think properly! Would if he does something stupid just because he knows we won't want him to?"

"Matthew may not be acting like himself, but he would never do that. Just stay calm. I'm leaving the restaurant now and will be there soon. Then we can discuss what to do in detail and go find him."

Francis was very calm considering what he was told. He trusted that Matthew wouldn't do anything rash or stupid and that he was just cooling down somewhere.

"…Okay that sounds good." Arthur loosened his grip on the phone not knowing that he still held the deadly grip he had on it when he dialed the number.

"In the meantime, go see what Matthew's friend is doing. What did you say his name was again?"

Arthur stopped all though for a moment. _His name? What was his name?_

Arthur realized he hadn't taken the time to ask the boy's name before calling Francis. Actually, he didn't know anything about him other than the fact that he was friends with Matthew. Although he completely trusted Matthew's decision, he still wanted to make sure he didn't decide to hang out with someone who would be a bad influence and is just going through a rebellious stage. It could be the odd looking teen. Matthew had never acted out before and now he is caught acting out with a weird kid nearby.

"I didn't have the chance to ask. I'll go talk to him while you're on your way."

"Okay. I'll be there soon, mon petit lapin." With that the two men ended their call. Francis prepared to leave the restaurant for the day to hurry home.

Arthur decided to go up to Matthew's room and talk to his friend. He wasn't sure if he trusted Matthew's choice of friends. To him it seemed like the odd looking friend could be a bad influence on his son and that was why he acted that way earlier.

Arthur walked up the stairs, now calm after his call with Francis, and walked to the far door on the left.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry this is a little late, but I got sick early this past week and had to rest so I would be better by Friday. Then I went to a MCR concert Friday, had family over all weekend, and am sick again. I meant for this to be longer, but I wanted to upload in case in can't get on the computer for a few days.

I know Arthur may seem a bit OOC, but in my mind once he lets some emotions out they flow like a waterfall.

I swear this story is about Matthew! I just have to get past a bunch of this stuff and the introductions before we get back to him.

Thanks to everyone who Story Alerted, Faved, Author Alerted, and all that stuff. And a special thanks to everyone who reviewed. You guys are awesome, and I really appreciate you telling me your thoughts!


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur opened the door to Mathew's room and practically ran into the albino boy exiting it. The teen looked a little on edge and seemed slightly paler than usual. This did not go unnoticed by Arthur. He could see the panic in the red eyes that were staring at him in surprise.

"Is everything okay lad?"

The albino seemed shocked by his simple question, but answer quickly with a German accent much more prominent than before. Gilbert didn't notice his accent slip; he usually didn't. It only got more prominent when he was distressed and sometimes when he was angry.

"Y-yeah, I'm good, just… worried about Matthew."

Gilbert didn't know what to do at the moment. He had an idea what he had to do when he found Matthew, but that was it. He mostly just knew what to do when he got to Matthew. He had an idea where to look, so he didn't think it would be too hard. It was just dealing with Arthur he was unsure about.

Should he tell him? Gilbert was desperately trying to remember movies and stories he heard. He thought that maybe he could handle it on his own, but at the same time it was a bit much. He didn't exactly feel comfortable with the whole idea of Matthew self-injuring and wasn't sure he could say it out loud, much less to his father. Who knew what his reaction would be if he told, but what he was really worrying about was how Matthew would react.

_Would he be happy about it?_ Gilbert highly doubted that. It would make him more noticeable, but not in a way someone would want to be noticed. Matthew wouldn't have hidden it so much if that was the case. Even if he didn't care about his father knowing, how would he feel about Gilbert knowing and being the one who told? Gilbert mused over this for a moment before deciding he probably wouldn't be too happy. Most people wouldn't be happy if someone they barely knew went through their things, found out their biggest secret, and then told about it.

Gilbert was getting nervous thinking about what to do with his newly acquired knowledge. He really wasn't sure Arthur could handle it. He could barely handle it, and he didn't even know the teen. Even if he went on his own and found Matthew, how was he going to go about stopping him from possibly killing himself? Just yell stop and hope he goes with it?

Gilbert had decided quickly after finding the blades that Matthew was planning suicide. It gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach, one that almost made him feel sick. Knowing that someone could be out there hurting themselves was horrible. Just the mere thought was tearing Gilbert apart.

The boy he had met earlier seemed pretty cool, shy, but that wasn't a big deal. Once you looked past how awkward you could tell Matthew was feeling he really did seem like a cool guy. Gilbert would have never suspected him to have this sort of life. He would have thought he had friends that thought he was cool just like he seemed to be. He was wrong. Not wrong like Gilbert usually was wrong, not wrong like on his math test earlier in the week, but deeply horribly wrong.

In reality Matthew was very lonely. Not lonely like other people were, but actually alone. The thought hurt Gilbert. He was reminded of when his parents died. That day had left the younger him feeling alone, not lonely, but alone. He might have done some horrible things too if he didn't have Ludwig with him. His being alone didn't last long, Matthew's lasted forever.

Gilbert was looking at Arthur standing in the hallway glad he took the time to sort out his thoughts while he was still in Matthew's room. He wasn't sure he would have been able to pass off his nervousness for worry if he hadn't. Gilbert clutched the small box currently in his pocket.

_Don't worry, Matthew. We're coming for you_.

He wasn't sure why he put the box in his pocket, but after staring into his reflection in the shiny blades, he put the lid back on, and put it in his pocket. Something in him wanted to take it. He just didn't want it to be in that room anymore. He was suddenly glad he was wearing loose-fitting jeans. If not he wouldn't have been able to fit the small box inside his pocket, and most certainly wouldn't be able to clutch it like he was now.

Arthur had been talking to him when he was thinking. He heard what the man said, but he wasn't really listening. The accented words went in one ear and out the other. Something about a man named Francis coming in a few minutes? What else did he say?

Arthur started walking down the hallway heading towards the living room to wait for Francis with Matthew's friend. He planned on talking to the odd looking teen there. Gilbert followed a few seconds after Arthur started walking. It took him a few second to realize Arthur had told him that he could wait in the living room with him. Gilbert wasn't stupid. He knew Arthur expected him to go. He didn't blame the man, though. Who would want a crazy teen alone in their house?

Gilbert wasn't sure why they were waiting. They could easily get in the car and start driving around. He would be doing that now if he thought Matthew just ran out and didn't have another motive in mind. He couldn't have gotten too far by now. It looked like he exerted a lot of energy when he first took off. If he believed Matthew had just ran off, the thought would comfort him, but he was almost positive Matthew didn't just run off. That was the thought that scared him. It wouldn't matter if he was tired. If Matthew wanted to kill himself he would keep going.

Gilbert sat down on the edge of the couch in the living room. He had just sat down and was already having trouble sitting still. He was too restless. He wanted to be out and looking. He wanted to start searching now! He had a few ideas where the other teen was heading, and knew it wouldn't take too long to get there walking. The thoughts of what could be happening, what could have already happened, were flooding Gilbert's mind.

He glanced at Arthur who had just sat down in the matching chair next to the couch. _Maybe I should tell him… If I tell him we could be out there right now… No! You can't tell him! It would make Matthew feel worse when he finds out! He wouldn't want you to know!... _The argument in Gilbert's head continued.

Arthur looked at the white haired boy sitting diagonal from him. He didn't say anything at first, but chose to take in the appearance of the teen.

_So this is Matthew's knew friend… This is the boy that could be the reason behind Matthew's actions. _Arthur inwardly frowned. He had too much pride to say, even to himself, that someone he helped raised would do this on their own accord. Instead he chose the put blame on the boy sitting near him. He wouldn't judge the teen. Anything he said could change his previously established opinions, but right now Arthur was weary of his presence in his son's life.

Arthur noticed the teen seemed a little on edge. His ruby eyes were darting around the room every so often. Arthur wondered what could be eating at the boy. It couldn't just be Matthew. Although what has happened was pretty big, it was _that _bad. It could be worse. Matthew could be out there doing something bad, and not just in danger of being out there.

Arthur decided to distract the boy from his troubling thoughts with the question that had been eating at him.

"What is your name, lad?"

Gilbert turned to look into green eyes hiding under bushy brows that were looking at him curiously. He supposed he should have expected this coming. He was going to be questioned. That's why they needed to wait for someone else probably, so that Arthur can know who the random person next to him was.

"I'm Gilbert… uh… Gilbert Beilschmidt."

"Well… It's nice to official meet you Gilbert," Arthur said not forgetting his manners.

After the small exchange they were quiet. Neither of them knew what to say and instead focused on their own thoughts. Arthur had other things he wanted to know, but wasn't sure how to ask them. Gilbert just didn't know what to say. He didn't like the silence. _Why does this have to be so awkward? _Despite his dislike for the silence, he didn't break it, and the awkward silence continued between the two.

The silence in the living room was broken by the sound of the front door opening. When Arthur heard the faint sound of the doorknob turning he practically jumped up to meet a blond haired man entering the house.

The man embraced Arthur as Arthur let out an exasperated, "Francis." The Frenchman leaned down and kissed him softly; Arthur responded to the kiss right away. They broke away from each other and Francis let out a small chuckle.

"You must be very worried about Mathieu. I've been here for a few minutes and you have yet to say git, wanker, or anything of the sort to me."

A blush slowly overtook Arthur's face. Francis let out a smile and leaned down to whisper in the Brit's ear.

"And you even let me kiss you. I knew you couldn't resist me." Arthur's face became even more red.

"Sh-shut up…. wanker." Arthur averted his eyes from the Frenchman that still had a firm hold on his waste. Francis chuckled again.

As Francis was going to kiss his husband again the couple heard a cough and was quickly reminded they were not alone. They both turned their heads to see a confused albino looking at them.

Gilbert had decided to follow Arthur not long after he had raced for the door. He wanted to see who this Francis guy was since Arthur put so much faith in him. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he was definitely not expecting to see two adult males making out by the door.

He just stood there confused for a while. _What the…? _He couldn't come up with much else in his mind.

He was surprised to say the least. For the short while he knew Arthur he did not expect him to swing _that_ way. Then that left him with the other thought.

_What does this Francis guy have to do with Matthew? _He had an idea, but he wasn't too sure. The family seemed odd so anything was possible.

He cleared his throat and coughed to get the attention of the two adults. He wasn't sure what to say, but he sure as hell wanted something explained. Luckily, he didn't have to start the conversation. The man he supposed was Francis spoke first.

"Ah, this must be Mathieu's friend you told me about." The French man was addressing Arthur who mumbled something that sounded like, "Yes, you bloody git."

The French man then let go of his flustered lover to address the albino properly.

"Hello, I am Francis Bonnefoy. It is a pleasure to meet you, and who might you be?"

Gilbert looked at him for a second questioningly. _Was this guy serious? _Gilbert glanced at Arthur. _Why the hell would he want some sort of drama queen involved in this?_ Gilbert was still trying to figure out everything that was going on, and he was worrying about the time they were wasting on small things. Despite his worries, it didn't stop him from wondering on exactly what he had walked in on.

"I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt, but uh who exactly are you?" Francis gave him a look and then glanced at Arthur.

"Why, I am Mathieu's Papa." Gilbert just looked at him, and Arthur seemed embarrassed.

"Uh… but I though Arthur was Matthew's Dad." Francis couldn't help but smile at how oblivious the teen was being. Arthur had a feeling this was going to get awkward.

"Oui, he is. You know Matthew is adopted, yes?"

Francis was playing with the boy instead of just saying they were gay. He enjoyed messing with people like this, and if Matthew didn't inform his friends then this was bound to happen. He didn't understand why he hadn't. He was sure his son wasn't embarrassed of them, and he knew the kids at school didn't care. Alfred told all his friends, but then again, Matthew was not Alfred. It probably just didn't come up.

"Oh." Gilbert was inwardly hitting himself for being slow. Of course they were married. Why didn't he see it before?

"Yes, _oh_." Francis said smirking at the boy. He scooted closer to Arthur before throwing an arm around his shoulder.

"He is my cute husband!" He knew he didn't have to say it, but he wouldn't let an opportunity to embarrass Arthur pass by.

Just as he predicted Arthur turned red and averted his gaze. He stood there crossing his arms in a childish manner. He muttered, "Bloody git," quietly to himself, but the other two heard him.

"Uh, as wonderful as it would be to dwell on this lovely little relationship you have here, I believe we have a Canadian to find." Gilbert was not going to let himself be distracted for long. They were wasting too much time chatting. They needed to get going before it was too late. He couldn't believe he let himself get distracted.

Francis' mood seemed to change when he was reminded of why he was home in the first place. He scolded himself for forgetting. He needed to focus.

"Ah, yes, well I believe we should start looking. I will check some places in town that Matthew might have gone too, probably the ice rink. Arthur, you can search around the neighborhood. He might just be wondering around here somewhere." Francis turned to look at Gilbert, his expression much more serious than before.

"If you have anywhere you think he would have gone, I would suggest looking there. If not you can come with one of us, or stay here in case he comes back. You can choose."

Gilbert was having a celebration on the inside. This was exactly what he needed to be told. He kept his composure on the outside, trying to still look calm, and not cause worry.

"Actually, I have some places I want to check in town if you could drop me off down there on your way to the rink." This was perfect. It would be much faster than walking like he originally planned.

"Okay, then you can come with me." Francis turned to Arthur and pressed their foreheads together.

Gilbert couldn't hear all of what they were saying, but was sure Francis was comforting Arthur. It wasn't hard to tell that Arthur was blaming himself. Even though he was the one to set Matthew off, it wasn't his entire fault.

* * *

><p>In a few minutes they were split up to start their search. Arthur was in his car to look around the neighborhood to see if he could find Matthew walking around anywhere, and Francis and Gilbert were in Francis' car heading towards town.<p>

They were only in the car for a few minutes, and Gilbert was already restless. The short silence allowed his thoughts of what could be happening to escalate into more horrible things. What if they were already too late because he was an idiot and took time to have small take with Matthew's parents?

The box in his pocket seemed to get heavier and heavier as time went on. He sat still, but he could still feel it against his leg in his pocket. He tried fiddling with his hands to distract himself. It didn't work. He glanced to his left at Francis in the driver's seat.

Francis looked more nervous than him. He must have been a very good actor to seem so calm when he was talking to Arthur earlier. Gilbert understood more now as to why they needed to wait for him. His hands were gripping the wheel and he was leaning forward slightly. He seemed more fidgety than Gilbert was in the living room earlier.

_He must really care about Matthew. _Gilbert turned to look out the window hand on the outside of the pocket holding the black box. _Maybe I should tell him. _Gilbert glanced out of the corner of his eye to look at the clearly worried French man.

He peered out the window thinking. He should tell someone. He doesn't have to say anything, but he should tell. From what he figured out from talking with the other two earlier, Francis was closest to Matthew, so maybe he would know something. Maybe he could prove all of Gilbert's thoughts wrong.

Gilbert looked at the lump in his pocket and bit his lip. If he told he would have to be careful about how he went about it. In the end he would have to tell. Someone would have to know if they were already too late.

"Is there something wrong?" Francis was looking at him from the corner of his eye. "You seem on edge."

"Uh." _It's now or never._ Gilbert made his decision. "Actually, there is. I, uh, found something in Matthew's room that is worrying me."

Francis looked at him with a raised eyebrow. _What could he have possibly found?_ Gilbert was digging in his pocket trying to get the box out.

Once he got the box out of his pocket, he held it on his palm for a moment. Francis just looked at it confused. Then, he looked back the road for a moment. They were getting close to town. Gilbert took in Francis' expression before lifting the lid.

The lid slid off just as easily as the first time, and his reflection gave him the same uneasy feeling as before. There was something about the blades that made him want to slam the lid back on the box, but at the same time he couldn't.

Francis watched as the albino opened the box in one swift movement. He seemed really on edge. Francis didn't understand why until he saw what was inside the box. Razorblades. His eyes widened slightly.

"Y-you found this in Matthew's room?" Maybe they were spare blades for his razor. Matthew was all about saving the environment and probably thought using new razors for shaving all the time was bad.

Francis frowned. His excuse didn't make much sense. Matthew had trouble growing facial hair. He didn't need to shave often. Francis looked at the blades again. Then what were they for?

"Yeah, it was on his desk." Gilbert looked up to survey the blond wondering if he should say more.

Francis' mind was racing. The first thought that came to his mind was bad, too bad for Matthew. There was no way Matthew would hurt himself… right? His petit Mathieu wouldn't do something like that, but he knew there was a chance. He used to watch Matthew closely when he was younger, and whenever something was wrong he would fix it. He hasn't paid much attention to Matthew recently so how would he know what was going on with his youngest son?

"You don't think that he…"

"Yeah, I do." Gilbert looked at the blades while he answered Francis. In his mind he saw Matthew doing it. Why did it hurt so much to think about it?

Gilbert looked up to see the French man giving a weary look to the contents in the box. He probably should tell him more.

"Okay, now would be a good time to explain some things because I think there was a misunderstanding when we met." Francis looked at him with interest not sure what the albino was going to say.

"I'm not really Matthew's friend. Well, no, I am, just not in the way you guys were thinking. I just met him today… I think. I don't really know that much about him like you guys seem to think." Gilbert looked at the man driving to see his reaction.

Francis was looking at the road with an expression that only told that he was pondering what he was just told. Francis looked at Gilbert out of the corner of his eye and gave a small smile.

"You are a really good friend." Gilbert sat there for a second confused.

"What?" Francis chuckled.

"You barely know mon fils, and you are doing all this to help him. That is very kind of you."

Gilbert sat there unsure of what to say. He didn't know what he was expecting the man to say, but it wasn't this.

He couldn't help, but remember the things Elizaveta told him. She said he was uncaring and never did anything to help others. That he would be the person to knock down someone books and never help pick them up, and that it really annoyed people. She said something about other's gratitude feeling good, and how great it felt to help others. He always thought it was a bunch of bull, but now he was thinking otherwise. He would admit that he cared about the indigo eyed kid for some reason. He didn't know why, but he felt like he _had_ to help.

He would admit it felt better to be praised by Francis than told how horrible you are by Elizaveta. He supposed he did deserve it. He pulled a few too many pranks that day and made his brother's friend Feliciano cry. He didn't mean to! He wouldn't purposely make the cute Italian cry, but it just happened. He guessed after all the crap he did that day it pissed Eliza off a little too much. He was making up for it though, and he was doing that by helping a new friend. He couldn't help but give a small smile thinking about the blond he met earlier that day.

Francis glanced at the expression on Gilbert's face and chuckled to himself. When they found Matthew he would have to make sure they remained friends. Then he remembered about what was found in his son's room.

"About what you found, I'm still not sure about it. I know Mathieu very well, and it's just… it's not something I can see him doing." Gilbert leaned against the door so that he was facing Francis. Francis really didn't get it. He just didn't understand the danger here. He didn't know much about Matthew, but it seemed that his family seemed to think very highly of him and how he acted. They wouldn't even consider him doing something like this, but Gilbert knew better.

"I'm sorry to say this Mr. Bonnefoy, but you are wrong. I think Matthew is completely capable of it, and I think he does do it. I've only known him for a while, but maybe a new pair of eyes needed to look at the situation." Francis nodded as he turned a corner.

"I understand what you're saying. I'll have to talk to Mathieu when we find him."

Gilbert was going to say more, but then the car stopped. They had pulled over to a curb in town. The town was very typical. There were many shops and restaurants, and people walking on the sidewalk going to the various stores. It was similar to an outdoor mall you would find in many large cities.

"Thanks for the ride." Gilbert got out of the car and leaned back in the open door.

"Oh, and if I find Matt do you mind if I talk to him for a while before having him head home to you guys?"

"Hmm, of course. Just if you don't find him in about an hour call us so we know to keep looking."

"Will do, Mr. Bonnefoy." Gilbert closed the door and patted the roof of the car twice before taking a step back. He watched Francis drive away to the ice rink, and then started walking down the sidewalk.

There were quite a few people out for it being a work day. _It must be the lunch crowd._ Gilbert skillfully avoided running into a man in a suite. He wasn't paying much attention where he was walking. His eyes were on his destination, a bridge connecting the parallel coasts of a large river.

It was the first place that came to mind when thinking where Matthew would have went. It seemed like the place he would go. If he was going to kill himself now, he was going to jump. As far as Gilbert knew Matthew had no other means on him, and this seemed like the way he would do it. Matthew was polite and wouldn't want to get in anyone's way so he would use the river to dispose of his body.

After the thought came, Gilbert knew that was it. Matthew could easily walk there from the house. It was horrible how easy this was, and the fact that Matthew was invisible to most people just made it worse. Who would stop him if no one could see him? Gilbert picked up his pace.

He was really starting to hate that damned river. Why the hell did it have to be so fast? Why did it have to be big enough to require a tall bridge to allow cars to pass it? Stupid boats not letting the bridge be closer to the water. He wouldn't care if the whole thing just dried up. He couldn't swim in it anyways, and then Matthew couldn't kill himself.

Gilbert was getting close to the bridge and started to look at all the faces that he was passing. He mentally went through what Matthew was wearing when he ran out: a red hoodie and jeans. _Okay, that part was easy, now to spot him._

Gilbert was glad for Matthew's clothing choice. Most people were wearing short sleeves, so a hoodie would stand out. _Damn, why did so many people need to walk on the bridge? Why the fuck did they feel a need to have sidewalks on either side of the bridge anyways?_

Gilbert ran up to it when he got closer. He was intently scanning the crowd now. _He has to be here, he just has to be._

Then he saw him. At first he only caught a glimpse of a curl, and then as a person moved away, he saw him.

Matthew was standing in the middle of the bridge. He looked horrible. From far away Gilbert could tell he was tired and breathing heavy. He didn't glance at any of the people walking around him, but stared out towards the water. He walked towards the fence blocking him from his long fall. He didn't climb it, but gripped it still looking out at the water.

Gilbert started to run. He ran into a few people and muttered apologies. As he got closer he started calling out to Matthew. It was like Matthew was in his own little bubble not able to hear the world around him. Gilbert tried screaming louder.

"Matthew!" He cursed silently to himself. _Why wouldn't this kid listen? _"Matthew!"

He got closer and closer, but Matthew still didn't acknowledge his existence. Matthew griped the fence tighter ready to go over it, and Gilbert leaped.

* * *

><p>AN: Horray! Longer chapter! Hope ya'll liked it.

I wasn't sure about this at first since I didn't spend much time editing, but I think it turned out half ways decent. Sorry for grammar errors, but I just didn't spend much time editing. I just really wanted to post it.

Sorry for keeping ya'll waiting. I hate to make some decisions this chapter that would affect the future chapters and I couldn't choose. Then, we went on a mini family vacation.

Yeah, I didn't know sunburn made scars more prominent even the ones you can't really see. It scared me half to death, but it helped get me in the mood to continue writing.

So… I plan on getting the next chapter out before the last week of the month because my family is driving to Iowa that week.

Thanks for all the reviews. You guys are super awesome. More awesome than Gilbert, and he is freakin' awesome.


	7. Chapter 7

Matthew walked down a sidewalk in town silently. He was slouching, but his head was held high so that his eyes could survey the crowd of people passing. His eyes were full of despair and longing, but behind those emotions was determination.

He knew this was it. These were his last moments. He was determined to get to the bridge as soon as possible so he could end all the pain. Despite his want to end it sooner, he still walked. He walked because of his longing.

Even though he wanted everything to be over, he still longed for a reason to stay. That was why he couldn't get himself to look down as he normally did. He looked at every face he passed. His red-rimmed eyes scanned all the people around him as he walked.

He was longing for just one of those people to notice him. They didn't need to say anything, just look, crack a smile like average people did when they locked eyes with others. He knew a smile was asking for a bit much, but he still hoped for someone to look at him and not through him.

It didn't help his mood knowing that all these people couldn't see him. They passed without a glance. They didn't see his messy hair. They couldn't see how his once clean hoodie was now dirty and disheveled. They couldn't see the bags under his begging eyes. Not one of them saw the occasional tear that ran down the teen's face.

_Why do I care? It's not like something will change now._

He glanced at the bridge. He could see it now; he was getting closer. A small bit of relief came over him. He was tired from running and walking. His breathing was still haggard. He didn't take the time to stop and catch his breath. He didn't really care if he was out of breath when he died. To him it made no difference.

_It's almost over._

He gave a small smile. He really would miss the world. Not all of it, not even most of it, but all the little things that made him happy: the way the snow looked on a winter morning before it was disturbed by anyone, the joy of cheering for his favorite hockey team with other fans at a game, the simple task of making pancakes. He would miss all the little things like that.

It was sad that they all could be ruined by loneness. As others woke up he would watch them playing in the snow with each other longing to be with them. At a hockey game he knew none of the fans around him would remember him or even knew he was there. To them he was just an empty seat in a stadium of many. The knowledge ruined the feeling of being part of something. He could make all the pancakes he wanted, but now a days it was only him eating them. Alfred used to make him cook pancakes for him, but he just forgot how much he used to like them.

He really hated that word, forgot. How many times did he have to listen to people use that as an excuse? They would always say, "I just forgot," and smile like it was fine. It wasn't. Matthew knew it. He had a feeling if they knew how much they "forgot" him, they would too. Oh well, now they wouldn't have to worry about that awkward moment when they realized Matthew was there the whole time. It wouldn't be happening again.

He wondered how long it would take them to remember he was gone. He had a feeling it would be while. Though, when Arthur questions Alfred why he ran out earlier he supposed they might figure something out… or just be very confused. It's happened before.

He wondered who would be the first to realize he was gone. Who would realize something was missing in their now smaller family? Alfred might if he needed money or forgot some big paper he needed to write. He tended to remember his brother the most when he needed something. Arthur, well, he wasn't too sure about Arthur. The two were never close so he didn't know how his mind worked all too well, but he supposed that was a reason to suspect it wouldn't be him. Then there was Francis.

He didn't have a clue about Francis. His papa was one of the few people he would miss. He hoped he would remember him when he was gone, but he wasn't too sure anymore. His papa was just too busy with life. He had his own dreams to follow, his own work to be done, and his own problems to face. He no longer had time for an invisible teen.

Matthew didn't blame him; he couldn't get himself to. Francis had remembered him when no one else had. He had given him special attention and went out of his way for his son in the past. It was only a matter of time until Matthew moved into the back of his mind as well.

Even though, Matthew still respected him the most. He tried the hardest to remember, and lasted the longest. It wasn't his fault his son wasn't unique and blended into the world around him too well. It had to be hard to be the only one who remembered living amongst people who always forgot. Then again, it was hard to be the forgotten person as well.

A cold wind blew through the streets. Matthew shivered and put his hands deeper into the pocket of his hoodie as he looked up at the sky. _A storm must be coming soon._ He wasn't sure. Sometimes the weather in the area liked to play tricks on the townspeople, but Matthew liked to think he had a good sense of what was to come weather wise.

He noticed he was almost too the bridge. A giddy feeling overcame his inside before being overshadowed by guilt. What normal person became giddy at the point of death? Matthew supposed it made sense. He wasn't normal. He wasn't like the other people. Normal people had friends, hung out, and could be seen. He was beyond a wallflower. What he was was much worse, and the worst part was that he didn't choose to be like this.

As he neared the bridge he wondered what would happen after he jumped. He knew he wouldn't have any problems going over the edge. No one could see him so no one would stop him. That much he knew, but what would happen afterward?

Would he just disappear? Would the world turn black, and then he would cease to exist? Would he be reincarnated into something? Would there be an afterlife? He always liked to muse over the fact of him ending in an afterlife. It was a popular belief, one that was always talked about, heaven and hell.

He wondered where he would end up. Some people believed he would go to hell just for dying this way. He found that amusing. They didn't know, but the hell for people who committed suicide was the life they lived. If they go to hell it couldn't be worse.

No, he didn't think that would be why he went to hell if he ended there, but then there was the thought of heaven. He'd done pretty good in his life considering his "condition," but he didn't think he did that good. He just couldn't see himself in front of the pearly gates after he reached the water.

He decided on another popular belief, purgatory. He could see himself having to get his soul cleansed, whatever that meant. He wondered if someone would tell him what was wrong with him after he died. He hoped so. It wasn't a mystery he wanted to carry on for eternity.

None of it really mattered now. He would find out soon. He had reached the bridge.

He would never be able to properly describe the feelings that came to him when he stepped onto the bridge. It was such an odd mixture he couldn't identify it all. He felt a feeling and it's opposite all at once. It was similar to the happy sad feeling people often get but much more complex. He didn't dwell on it but kept walking.

He was surprised at the amount of people on the bridge. There was a steady stream of cars passing to and from the coasts of the river. There were quite a few people walking down the sidewalks on either side of the bridge. More than would be expected on a weekday, but not as many as there were on those warm summer weekends.

Of course he would be surrounded by people when he jumped. The world would make one last crack at him and his invisibility before he died. He didn't let it get to him. He couldn't. What more could it do? He knew no one would see. It didn't matter that there were more than he thought to look through him in his last moments.

He chose to ignore the people walking and make believe it was just him walking. It was easy. That was how he felt. He took a glance out at the water.

A wave of peace swept over him as he turned his body to look. It was a beautiful site. It wasn't postcard beautiful; it wouldn't create a picture one would put as there computer background, but Matthew found himself admiring its dark beauty.

The sky was filled with gray clouds moving around in wisps. Behind them were lighter clouds showcasing the dark. The world was light, but the sun did not show. The water below was not a pretty clear blue, but a dark color, one that could be compared to a saturated navy. The clouds reflexed on the waves of the fast moving water creating something Matthew found beautiful.

Most people wouldn't notice the scene. It was one of those things someone would have to stop and really look at to notice. It was one of those things few could appreciate. Only few who took time to notice the things around them and find something amazing.

Matthew was still breathing heavy from all the physical exertion he had done, but he ignored it. He walked up to the fancy chain linked fence they had to prevent people from going over.

Matthew had found it funny the fence was an artsy chain linked pattern since the day he dubbed the bridge as a way to end his life. Not many people in the area must hate their lives. If so, they wouldn't have made the fence so easy to climb over. It didn't bother Matthew; it just made what he planned to do easier.

Matthew looked out at the water from his spot on the bridge. He put his hands on the fence in front of him closing his fingers around the wire.

_This is it. This is the end._

He had nothing left to do, but he still stood there. He looked at the world in front of him again taking in every detail of the scene in front of him. This would be his last image; he wanted to enjoy it.

He was looking out at the water when he heard someone calling his name. It didn't have any effect on him. It was as if he didn't hear it at all.

Matthew was a very common name. He stopped turning every time he heard it long ago. It always was a horrible feeling to turn when they were really talking to someone else. He heard the name being yelled a few more times, but before he could process it the back of his mind had already decided it was a parent trying to get the attention of their child.

That was how his mind learned to work. It did what it could to prevent disappointments. When his name was called it was tuned out. It was a good thing before, but now as he planned to jump, it wasn't. For the second time that day, he didn't notice a pair of red eyes on him.

He spared one last look at the world before taking a deep breath. He gripped the wall and prepared to jump.

It all happened so fast.

On moment he was holding the fence preparing to jump, the next he was in the air, and the next he was on the ground with someone on top of him. He had been tackled to the ground. He could have sworn he heard a "don't do it" as he fell, but he couldn't be sure.

He groaned from his spot on the pavement sore from the fall. He opened his eyes to meet the worried eye of the person on top of him.

"G-Gilbert?" Matthew was confused. This was the boy from earlier. _What is he doing here? And why did he just tackle me?_

Gilbert didn't know what to do. He just did one of his acting on impulse things and ended up tackling Matthew. It seemed like a good idea when he was doing it, but now it left him in an awkward situation. He should of thought through what to say to Matthew on his way. Now he was at a loss for words.

"Uh… Hi, Mattie." _Really smooth, Gilbert. You just tackled him to the ground to stop him from pelting himself off a bridge, and all you can say is hi? _Gilbert was mentally hitting himself. He really didn't know what to do in these kinds of situations.

The greeting just made Matthew more confused. He had no idea what was going on. Not only was he remembered, something that gave him pleasant feelings, but he was tackled to the ground. Not to mention the person who tackled him was still on top of him. A deep blush over took his face.

"You-your kind of cr-crushing me." Gilbert realized he hadn't moved yet, and stood up embarrassed. He held out his hand to help Matthew up which only made the Canadian wonder what was going on, but he took the hand anyways.

"Yeah… sorry about that." Gilbert started to rub the back of his neck. He wasn't sure if he should bring up the attempted suicide or the blades. He planned on seeing where Matthew's head was at and working from there. He didn't want to say anything to set him off.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" _And, why did you tackle me?_ He wanted to add, but he had a feeling of what the answer was. He was overcome with a happiness when the thought that he did it because he thought Matthew was going to jump, which he was, came to him. He decided not to ask and risk finding out otherwise. He wanted to continue thinking it was because the other cared.

Gilbert did a happy dance in his head at the question. He had planned this one out. It was the one thing he knew he would need to know coming here so he thought it through. It was an odd occurrence for something he planned to work out right so he was very proud.

"We were going to hang remember? You ran out so I found you since we didn't have lunch yet."

Matthew just stared at him for a second. There was no way this guy remembered who he was and actually _looked _for him. He felt bad for leaving him at the house when he ran out.

"But, how did you know I'd be here?" Gilbert thought how to answer that one for moment. He would have to say he knew about Matthew if it came up. He couldn't lie.

"Well, we all split up to search, and I asked Francis to drop me off in town because I-" Matthew cut off what he was saying shocked.

"_We? _Who was looking for me, and what about Francis?" There was no way this was happening to him.

"Oh, well, I kind of screamed at your dad when you left." Gilbert cracked a crooked smile. During their conversation they started walking off the bridge and towards town. Gilbert started walking, and Matthew followed.

"You fought with Arthur?" Matthew was convinced this was some sort of dream. Maybe he did die and this _was_ some sort of purgatory.

"Yep, no offense but he is an idiot. Alfred must get it from him. Francis is pretty cool though." Matthew was at a loss. What had happened when he left?

"Uh, I'm lost at what happened."

"Oh, well you see, after me and Monster Brows fought he was like, 'Oh no!' And he decided to call Francis because he wanted to find you. Then Francis came and I saw them making out by the front door. It must be weird having two dads. Then we split up to search. Arthur went to drive around the neighborhood. Francis went to the ice rink, but he dropped me of here in town first."

Matthew listened intently to what Gilbert said. He smiled at his nickname for his dad and his bad impression of a British accent. He blushed at the mention of his parents kissing. _Well, at least he has nothing against it._ He was glad. Some kids wouldn't be too welcoming if they knew he had two fathers.

He was shocked at how one fight escalated into a full out search. They must really be worried. Matthew didn't know how to feel. He had a feeling the panic was caused by the albino in front of him. He had to have said something that made Arthur worry, and it set off a chain reaction.

"Then, I got to get home before they start to worry more!"

"No you don't."

"But you just said they were out looking for me."

"Yeah, but I told Francis that I thought I would find you and if I did we would hang out for a while. If I didn't call in an hour from when I was dropped off, they could stop looking because I found you and we were hanging."

Matthew just looked at him as they continued walking. He was confused and his emotions were a mixed mush.

"Oh, okay. Then… what are we doing?" Gilbert grinned at him.

"Whatever we want, but first… lunch!"

Matthew guessed he should have suspected that. It was the thing they were planning on doing, but he had no idea what was happening; so for the second time that day he just went with it and followed the weird teen he met.

He didn't know what was going on anymore. Everything seemed a bit too good to be true, but it helped forget about his despair for a while so he let it go. All he knew was that today was turning out to be a weird day. He decided he would have to figure it out because for some reason he had a bad feeling about it all. To him it just seemed too unbelievable, but for now he'd believe it and get some lunch.

* * *

><p>AN: Is this a new chapter so soon? Yes, yes it is.

Horray! Mattie didn't die! …yet. –insert evil laugh here- I just like writing depressed Mattie way too much. It's not normal.

I originally was going to end the chapter before Mattie was tackled, but I just couldn't do that to you guys, so I ended it with some bad feelings instead.

Thanks so much to those who reviewed. It really helps to know where all your heads are at.


	8. Chapter 8

Francis drove in silence as he left the ice rink. His son wasn't there, but after talking to Gilbert he had a feeling he wouldn't be there anymore. He was pretty sure the odd looking teen was going to be the one that found Matthew.

He was glad the albino boy was there, though. It was nice to know that Matthew made a friend, a good friend at that. Francis smiled. He seemed like a good kid, but he knew he was a troublemaker. The teen reminded him too much of himself when he was young. Maybe he would take Matthew out of his shy shell a bit.

Francis' smile faded as he remembered the conversation the two had in the car earlier. He glanced at the empty passenger's seat. He could still see the box of blades in his mind's eye. He gripped the steering wheel. It just… It couldn't be true… but it was the only thing that made sense.

He stopped at a red light and ran a hand through his long hair. He didn't know how to start a conversation like this. In the past he had talked to his son about many things, but this was just different. As much as he hated to admit it, something was up.

_Why would Matthew be somewhere in town anyways?_

It seemed unlike Matthew to him. In the past when Matthew was upset he would spend time in a place with good memories that held significance to him. He knew he hadn't spent much time with his son recently, but he couldn't see something happening in that time that was big enough for him to go there in a time like this.

Francis eased off his brake, and started moving again. He would have to decide if he should bring it up with Arthur first. The British man would act in one of two ways: he would brush if off as nothing or make a commotion about it. Francis was thinking at the moment it would be the latter.

He would have to talk to Matthew first. They didn't know if their assumptions were right, and he didn't want them to make a commotion on something that wasn't true. He hoped Matthew would be in a good enough mood to talk about it after hanging out with his friend.

He pulled into his familiar garage and parked his car. He let out a sigh after he unbuckled himself. It was probably nothing. They always overreacted when it came to their kids. They really needed to stop doing that. Things were getting too stressful.

He noticed his car wasn't the only one in the garage. Arthur was already back. He needed to go tell him that Matthew was fine and just hanging out with the other teen for a while. He was probably still worried.

He went into the house to go talk to his husband and convince him that their son was not getting abducted off the streets even though he wasn't at home. Francis chuckled. And he is supposed to be the overly emotional one.

* * *

><p>The pair of teens found themselves in a small sandwich shop not long after the encounter on the bridge. Gilbert hadn't planned very far ahead and just dragged Matthew into the first restaurant he saw. The blond didn't mind. He was still confused about everything and was just going with it.<p>

Matthew sat quietly looking at his sandwich. It actually was a nice little deli place. When you got your sandwich, there were also chips and half a pickle on the plate. They even had those little number things for your order. He ate a chip silently without looking at the albino in front of him. The whole thing was awkward for him.

Gilbert was racking his brain for something to say. He didn't know much about the teen in front of him, and he didn't want to make him feel any worse. He had no idea why he was trying to kill himself in the first place, and he didn't think he could just ask. He just needed to find out about the other, and then maybe he could tell him that he knows.

"So how come I haven't seen you around school?" Matthew froze taking a bite of his sandwich and his grip on the food tightened. He slowly put down the sandwich his high spirits dwindling. He bit his lip.

"It's because I'm invisible." The words were said in monotone, but you tell the fact upset the Canadian boy. _I have classes with him, and he thinks I'm just not there._

Gilbert realized his mistake in asking. _Shit! _He didn't know what to say, but he now learned that it was a touchy subject. He let out a nervous laugh.

"No you're not. I was just saying like in the halls in stuff. I was thinking you had sports or just sat with a different group at lunch."

"I don't sit with anyone at lunch." Matthew was refusing to meet the albino eyes and instead started to find his food very interesting.

Gilbert was surprised. _Surely he has friends._ The way Matthew was acted made him doubt it. Maybe he found the reason behind the Canadian's depression? It seemed like it to him, but he wasn't too sure. He needed to be positive. For once in his life he was going to be attentive and think everything he did through. He was afraid he would do something that could upset the teen in front of him.

"Then you're sitting with me for now on." Gilbert took a bite of his sandwich as if what he said was nothing. Matthew, on the other hand, thought otherwise.

He looked up at the albino surprised. _This isn't real life. Maybe I really did die._

"Really?" Matthew couldn't help but let the question slip. He had sat alone for the longest time. Just the idea of having someone else nearby was making him happy.

"Well, yeah. We're friends now, and that's what friends do." Gilbert gave a funny look at the blond after seeing his new attitude as he took another huge bite of his sandwich.

Matthew gaped at the other. _Friend. He wants to be friends! _

"Are you okay?" Gilbert questioned after noticing how quiet the other was and finding his staring into space with an odd expression.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." Matthew looked back down at his food with a smile before eating a chip. Gilbert let out a small laugh.

"Good, 'cause I thought I lost you there." Matthew's smile faded slightly as he looked up at Gilbert.

_He couldn't be talking about..._ Matthew's smile faded all the way. _I knew there was something up. He doesn't care. He just wants to play hero for a little while… Just like Alfred._

Gilbert paused after a moment noticing exactly what he had said. He glanced up from his food for a moment taking in the other's expression. He let out another nervous chuckle.

"You were just staring out into space. I was thinking aliens got your brain." _Aliens Gilbert, really?_ He sighed to himself. Why couldn't he talk normal? He usually was really smooth, but today, not so much.

Matthew scolded himself for letting his thoughts turn sour so fast. Did he really not believe that he had made a friend for once? Despite his scolding, he couldn't help but think the alien comment sounded like his brother.

He had nothing against his brother, but being his twin, he was supposed to always be there for him. When they were younger he promised he would always protect him and be his hero, but now he can't even remember he has a twin.

Gilbert was reminding him too much of Alfred. He may seem genuine, but it won't last long. He decided it was okay to remain wary of Gilbert. He didn't want to be let down if he found himself friendless again. He would have to keep in mind that Gilbert was just another Alfred for now.

The silence between the two didn't last long. Gilbert soon found the need to try normal conversation again. This time he was successful, even though it was mostly him talking.

Matthew chose to sit quietly and listen to the other adding a thought or two every so often. He found the other's antics amusing. Gilbert told stories about some of his past pranks with commentary on his thoughts of everyone and everything.

Matthew learned a few things about Gilbert from his stories. He had a younger brother named Ludwig that he loved to annoy, though Matthew could tell Gilbert secretly cared about him. He was good at reading people, and he knew, even though Gilbert had complained about him many times in the conversation, that he really did care. He also now knew that Gilbert hated school and the majority of the teachers, but one would be able to guess that after knowing his personality.

Gilbert enjoyed their conversation. He felt relieved at how much Matthew already looked better. _This might be easier than I thought. _He smiled to himself. _It's because I'm awesome._

"Okay, Mattie, tell me something." Matthew looked up from taking a bite of his sandwich.

"What?" Gilbert leaned back in his chair popping another chip in his mouth.

"I don't know. I've been talking this whole time, and I can't eat and talk. Say something about you." Gilbert was very curious about the blond in front of him. He knew quite a bit about him that he probably shouldn't, but he had no idea who he really was. It was a little unnerving.

Matthew bit his lip. _Something about me…_ He knew he shouldn't be shocked that his new "friend" wanted to get to know him, but he wasn't prepared for the request. He had no idea what to say.

He was socially awkward. It was a fact. He feared if he said something stupid Gilbert would think he was just some weird kid and leave, or worse make fun of him. He thought it was a stupid fear, but that didn't help from him getting it every time he was put in social situations.

"Uh, I-I'm Canadian?" Gilbert cracked a small smile.

"I know. We talked about earlier before you ran out." Matthew blushed. _So stupid! How could I be such an idiot?_

"Where did you live in Canada?" Matthew looked at Gilbert. He wasn't going to laugh at his stupidity? Actually, he didn't even look like he thought he was stupid at all. Matthew felt himself relax.

"Quebec." Matthew voice had a quiet longing tone to it. He was remembering his time with his mother. He was little at the time, but he still had many memories of it. He held on to those memories like a lifetime, always had. That was probably why he remembered it all so well.

"Cool! That means you speak French, right?" Gilbert's smile grew.

"Oui." Gilbert laughed.

"Dude, that's awesome." Matthew gave a small smile. It was small, but it was genuine.

The two continued to talk about Canada for a little while. Gilbert refused to believe that Matthew could be violent even if it was only hockey. Matthew just laughed at him, and told him how others are actually scared to play him. Gilbert laughed again at how excited the Canadian was when it came to hockey, and this time Matthew joined in.

He hadn't laughed in such a long time. It was an odd feeling, but it was one that he welcomed. At first he didn't even recognize that it was him. The noise had become a foreign one. All those good feelings had been gone for far too long. Now, with the renewal of the happiness, he felt amazing. He was literally high on happiness.

Lunch ended too fast for the Canadian. The two teens had talked a little after finishing their food, but not long. The two walked out of the small restaurant.

Matthew looked up at the sky. The clouds had started to clear off letting the sun shine through. The dark clouds were still there, but it seemed they were retreating and that rain would come another time. The world seemed so much warmer now that the sun was out.

"Looks like we'll have some good weather for the walk back, and I thought it was going to rain." Gilbert was standing next to Matthew also looking up at the sky.

"Yeah."

The two started the long walk back to Matthew's house. He didn't realize how far he ran until now. He always thought it was close, but walking back now he realized it was actually pretty far. Gilbert was thinking how lucky he was the he got the ride from Francis. If he had to run this distance, he wouldn't have made it to the bridge in time.

The walk back was peaceful. They didn't talk as much as they did in the restaurant, but thought to themselves instead. The whole day had turned out to be very eventful in ways neither teen expected.

Matthew expected himself to have been dead by now. Instead he went to school, and everything changed. Everything still seemed like a dream, but he was slowly coming to terms with it all. He glanced at Gilbert. Whether the albino knew it or not, he saved his life.

It was something that would not be easily forgotten. Not because he saved him, but because he was starting to create a reason to stay. He now had a friend, one that would probably remember him tomorrow. Something like this hasn't happened in a while, and it just made Matthew feel ecstatic.

Gilbert would have never expected anything like this to happen. He was a go with the flow guy, but this was something that didn't happen. When he walked out of the school he thought it would be an average day. He felt good about himself, now. He saved someone.

It's not every day he gets the chance to show off his awesome and save someone's life. The only thing that made it better was that Matthew was a pretty cool dude. Once he got comfortable and started talking, he was actually pretty funny. _Almost as awesome as me… almost._

They started to reach Matthew's neighborhood after a while. Matthew decided he probably should think of something to say to his parents when he got home. He couldn't tell them what he was doing, but he had to say something. He wondered if they would be mad. He really didn't want to be grounded.

Matthew's house came into view not long after they entered the neighborhood. Matthew wasn't nervous about getting home anymore. The day had turned out to be a good one, something that hadn't happened in a while. As they neared the house Matthew broke the silence between the two teens.

"Hey, Gilbert?" There walking slowed as they neared the house.

"Hmm?" Gilbert looked at Matthew out of the corner of his eye with his hands in his pockets, similar to how he walked when they first left the school.

"Thanks." To anyone else it would seem like he was saying thanks for hanging out, but Matthew meant more. He knew the albino probably wouldn't get the real meaning, but he felt that it needed to be said anyways.

Gilbert understood much more than Matthew thought. His eyes softened at hearing the other's voice so full of emotion.

"Any time." He meant it, and hoped the other would get the message. Gilbert looked up at the house they stopped in front of.

"Well, I'll see you around then." He patted the Canadian on the shoulder in a friendly manner.

"Okay." Matthew waved as his new friend walked away.

He turned to his house and let out a sigh. It was now or never. He didn't want to confront his dad after running out on him, but he knew he had to. Before he didn't know what he would do, but now he had a newly found courage. The return of his happiness was just making everything easier for him.

The day had been so eventful, and it wasn't over yet. He decided, like most things that happened since he woke up, to just go with the flow. It seemed to work before so maybe it would work in confronting his parents. He took a breath and walked up to the ever familiar house.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry if this chapter is a bit lower quality, but I had to get this out… well today. I'm surprised it got done, but it did and didn't turn out half bad.

A fun fact: the deli they went to eat at is based of a place in Dallas I used to go and eat at all the time when I was little.

I wanted to apologize in advance for the lateness of next chapter. It won't be up until at _least_ the second week of July. I have a lot going on this week, and next week I leave for Iowa.

I want to thank everyone who has reviewed. You guys are the reason I get really excited about writing this.


	9. Chapter 9

As predictable as Matthew's family could be, they still always were able to surprise him. They were more complex than meets the eye. As much as he observed them they always did things that seemed out of character in his point of view.

Matthew always tended to observe the people around him. Being forgotten all the time he become quite good at it. He used to try and guess how people would react as a small game with himself. He could never do that with his family though.

Their personalities were quite simple, but they were still very complex. It was nice sometimes to never be able to expect how they'd react, but in times like this it was not something Matthew was happy about. He had no idea how his parents would react to the way he acted earlier. It made him nervous about entering his house, but he put on a brave face and entered only to be met by surprise.

For the second time that day, Matthew was tackled randomly. This time he managed to stay on his feet because he saw the tackler before they leaped.

He had walked into the house trying to be quite, but he didn't succeed as the door closed. After the click of the door a loud voice broke through the house.

"MATTIEEEEEE!" _Oh no. _Alfred's bright enthusiastic face appeared at the end of the hallway as he sprinted full speed towards his brother.

Matthew was thoroughly surprised. Just earlier that day his brother had looked right over him; now he was in a death grip hug.

"Mattie! Don't do that again! We were so worried! I mean, how could you just run out like that! It's SO not cool!" It took the Canadian a moment to decipher what his brother was saying because of the speed he was talking and the lack of oxygen going to his brain. He cracked a small smile when he figured it out. It seemed like Gilbert's actions had gotten everyone to remember.

"Al, ca-can't breathe." As usual the other blond didn't hear the younger and continued his ramblings.

"Alfred let go of your brother. You're not letting him breathe." A stern accented voice had broken Alfred off.

Arthur had walked up while Alfred was squashing the younger twin. Arthur let out a short smile at first before realizing Alfred was not going to let go. He let out a sigh. Alfred could be very overdramatic, almost as bad as Francis at times. He was acting as if Matthew had nearly escaped death except there was a big grin on his face.

Alfred let go of his brother and let out a laugh.

"Sorry, bro." Matthew laughed sheepishly with a small smile on his face.

"Thanks, Al." Alfred's smile grew.

"No problem because I'm the he-"

"Alfred don't you have homework to be doing." Alfred crossed his arms and let out a pout causing Matthew to smile.

"Yeah, but-"

"Then why don't you go do it so I can talk to Matthew?" Alfred looked at Arthur and then back to his brother.

"Fine." Arthur watched him head towards the stairs. He had a feeling he wasn't going to do his homework, but he would worry about that later. Right now Matthew was his top priority.

Matthew became stiff at his dad's words. _Oh no. He is angry. He is going to be so mad. God, why did I do that? I'm going to be in so much trouble. He probably hates me now! He…_ His thoughts were cut off as the other hugged him.

His eyes widened. This is something that was very unlike his father to do. It was one of those moments that surprised him in a good way. He slowly felt himself relax.

The hug was awkward, both parties not used to being this close to the other. Matthew was still trying to figure everything out. Arthur wasn't angry?

"I'm very sorry Matthew." Arthur let go of his son and stepped back. Matthew looked at him shocked.

"Wh-What?" The Brit gave the younger blond a small smile.

"I'm very sorry for how I acted. I understand you are probably still mad and with good reason, but I would hope you could forgive me." Matthew stared at his father.

"I…" Was he really apologizing for confusing his twin sons? Usually when someone forgot his and were sorry they apologized, but not this heartfelt. What had that albino said to make him be this upset?

"You had us worried sick, you know?" Arthur put a hand on the Canadian's shoulder. Matthew looked up into his green eyes seeing the sincerity in them.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." Arthur smile down at his son and chuckled.

"You didn't do anything wrong." Matthew let a genuine smile escape him.

The two stayed in silence for a few moments. It wasn't awkward like most moments like that were between the two. It was nice, and something that made Matthew feel much better than when he had walked through the door.

Arthur was the one to break the silence.

"Now I don't want to rain on your parade, but I believe you missed half a day of school hanging out with your friend meaning you missed some work." Arthur's voice was not stern, it was not strict, and it was not a voice for punishing. It was soft and joking.

"Why don't you go find out what homework you have from Alfred?" Matthew smiled at the older blond.

"Alright, dad." Arthur watch as his next son went up the stair with a small smile on his face.

Francis watched the exchange with a smile from a spot nearby in a doorway. When he heard Matthew walk in he originally was going to go and talk to him, but stopped when he saw Arthur was already speaking with their son.

He was glad he chose to stay back. It seemed like they had actual made a progress in their relationship by only saying a few things. Besides, it wasn't his time to talk. As much as he wanted to run up and hug his son he knew Arthur was the one who had to talk to him, and for once he had done a good job of it. Matthew seemed to be in a much better mood then what he had been told he was like earlier. He was starting to think maybe the albino and Arthur had overreacted.

The French man gave a smile while walking up to his husband.

"That seemed to have gone well, mon lapin." Arthur turned to look at him with a small scowl.

"You say that as if you expected it to go horribly wrong." Francis couldn't help but chuckle. He just loved teasing the Brit.

"Well, despite you being from the country home to Shakespeare, you are quite bad at expressing your feelings in words. It is a British thing. Don't worry; I don't blame you." Arthur became red as Francis just grinned.

"Shut up you bloody frog!" Arthur turned and stormed off towards the kitchen with Francis following behind with a grin.

* * *

><p>Alfred was upset that he was forced to go upstairs. You can't just tell him that his twin brother freaking snapped and ran off and expect him to just leave when he finally gets home. He was already very impatient about Matthew getting home before he arrived. He hadn't been home long since school had just ended, but he was never the patient type.<p>

Alfred groaned as he leaned back on the coach from his spot on the floor. He had taken refuge in the game room upstairs. They had the room so when the twins were younger they had somewhere to through all there toys around and leave a mess. Now it housed a TV and all of their multiple game systems.

Alfred had the Left for Dead startup screen on the TV and the volume turned down low. He really could care less about the game at that moment. He was straining his ears to try and hear the conversation going on downstairs.

To no avail, it wasn't working very well. He could occasionally hear their voices as mumbles when he was really straining his ear, but nothing more. It was very frustrating for the blond.

_Arthur's not yelling so he must not be mad…_ At first the thought seemed good for Alfred. It meant Mattie wasn't getting in any trouble. Then his mind escalated to the worst.

_What if something bad happened to him and that is why he isn't in trouble? _Alfred stained his ears more to try and decipher the emotions in his younger brother's voice, but he could barely hear it when he could. Damn his twin's soft spoken voice!

He started trying to think of what was wrong with Matthew. He wasn't sure, but there was something wrong. Something really bad must have happened to make him act that way to their dad of all people. He remembered the time Matthew snapped at him before he had joined hockey with a shiver. There was definitely something wrong, and he was going to find out what it was.

He continued trying to hear the conversation downstairs. Whatever was bothering Matthew earlier seemed better now. He had smiled at Alfred's hero line, and Alfred was sure if he wasn't forced up the stairs he could have gotten his brother to laugh.

Laughter was the greatest medicine after all. Alfred smiled. He would have tons of time to make his bro laugh later. Arthur couldn't talk to him forever.

* * *

><p>Matthew walked up the stairs feeling much better than before. He would have to find a way to make it up to Gilbert. He wasn't stupid. He knew the reason his family was acting like this had something to do with the albino and what he told Arthur. It just had a chain reaction.<p>

He wasn't complaining, though. Actually he was pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind. He wanted to believe his family really cared and that things would stay this way, so that is what he believed.

On his way to his room he past the game room where Alfred was sitting on the floor with a game controller in his lap.

"Hey Mattie!" Matthew stopped in the doorway to look at his twin.

"Yeah Al?" Alfred took on a serious look despite his smile.

"You okay?" Matthew smiled at his brother.

"I'm good." Alfred smiled bigger.

"Awesome! You want to play?" Alfred indicated to the remote in his hand.

"Maybe later. I want to unpack my backpack first."

"Okay, bro. Come back when you're done."

"I will." Alfred watched Matthew's figure leave the doorway as he walked away. He made himself comfortable against the couch.

"He is such a liar." The words were muttered to himself as he started the game.

Matthew continued into his room. He opened the door and rubbed the back of his neck while looking inside. It was so clean. If he took out his backpack and hockey gear it would look like a room that belonged in a model home.

He had forgotten he spent all that time cleaning in the morning. It felt like ages ago. His room really looked like no one lived in it, a complete lie since he spent all his free time there.

He sighed as he shut the door behind him. No one was supposed to be living in the room by this time, but, as always, life had an unexpected surprised waiting for him. He couldn't decide if it was good or bad. Life never was nice to him before so it would make sense for it to just smack him in the face a few more times before saying goodbye. He shook his head as he started going through his backpack on his desk taking out various books. Now wasn't the time to think about it.

It was hard not to think about it while unloading his backpack. It was stuffed to the brim so that he had to take out multiple books just to get to the ones he wanted. How had he carried that thing all the way home? He stacked all the books he took out on the desk and sat in his chair.

He leaned back and looked at the ceiling. He was physically and mentally exhausted despite it only being the afternoon. It had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was rest. Wait, no, he didn't want to go to sleep. Would if this was all a dream and he woke up back to his average life?

He groaned as he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. He really needed to stop thinking like that. He finally had a friend; he didn't want to scare him off. Not to mention, his family were all paying excessive amounts of attention to him.

It was a lot to take in in one day. He was stressed. So much could be going wrong. How did he even get here? This morning he was as good as dead and now he is sitting at home with everyone talking to him as if everything was normal, as if they were a normal family, and he never was forgotten.

He let out a deep breath as he sat up. Life just got so much more complicated. As if it wasn't complicated before. When he thought about it, it really wasn't too complicated before. He knew what was going to happen. He just let his hope get in the way.

Either way, it wasn't too complicated. He had a routine. It wasn't a good or healthy one, but it still was a routine. He supposed now that things were changing he should stop his "routine." It wasn't good to injure himself every time something went wrong.

He let out yet another sigh. He needed a distraction. All this thinking was getting to him. He decided it might be best to do as Arthur said and figure out what his homework was from Alfred. He could get started with that until dinner.

He paused. Dinner. Dinner in their house was a family thing. They were one of those few families that sat down every night to eat the meal together. It wasn't bad even though Arthur wanted them all to talk about their lives. He read something about communication in a parenting book a long time ago and Francis thought it was a good idea.

Matthew never minded. He didn't ever have to talk much. He chose to listen to Alfred exclaim the happenings in his day and occasionally get in an argument with Arthur. The only time he had to talk was when Francis asked him to, and when he did, he never had to say much.

He had a feeling today he would have to do a lot of talking. With how much his family was ogling over him, he was expecting lots of questions. He groaned. His day just got much longer.

* * *

><p>Gilbert walked into his room kicking discarded clothing out of the way and plopped down on his bed. His room was messy with clothes all over the floor. His bed wasn't fixed properly with the sheets just thrown over where the pillows should be. There was a small wire bird cage in a corner of the room that was relatively cleaner than the rest of the room where a small yellow bird was housed.<p>

Gilbert stared up at his ceiling deep in thought. Today had been a long day. He was mentally and physically drained. The stress from earlier had really taken a toll on him; it wasn't something he was used to.

He went through the day's events in his head. So much had happened it was all hard to digest. It seemed like an odd dream, but he knew better. This was real. Everything that happened was real, and it was still happening. When it was happening he was acting on instinct and gut feelings. He wasn't really paying attention at the time. He replayed his memories of the day to see exactly what happened.

He couldn't believe how much he missed when it was happening. Needless to say, he felt like an idiot for not adding everything up sooner.

He now vividly remembered Matthew flinching under his hand when he grabbed his arm. He felt sick. He knew what was wrong now. His mind flashed back to the drawer in Matthew's desk.

He didn't want to think about it. The idea that the guy he spent the day hanging out with had done that was hard to believe. Matthew was a pretty awesome dude. He couldn't understand how everyone forgot him. He would have to do something about it. They still had school tomorrow so it was the perfect time to start.

He arm brushed his pocket feeling something inside. It took a moment for him to register it, but, when he did, he sat up fast. _Oh no._ He pulled the black box out of his pocket and fell on his back. He groaned as he put his hands on his face.

He didn't tell. He never told Matthew that he knew about _everything._ He got so caught up with talking to him, he forgot all about it. He put his hands down and just stared at his ceiling.

It wasn't all that bad, right? He didn't _have_ to tell Matthew. It could be bad to tell him anyways, especially so close after his… attempt. Yeah, that was it. It was good he didn't tell. Gilbert held the box up and looked at it as he lay there.

He could tell him later if he wanted to. It's not like he missed his only chance. He let his arm fall with the box. _Everything is going to be fine._

He lay there a few more minutes just thinking before his door burst open revealing a tall, muscular blond.

"Bruder, how long have you been here?" Gilbert leaned up on his elbows.

"Oh, hey West. What's up?" Gilbert's brother, Ludwig, took a long look at his older brother.

"Is… Is everything okay? You seem out of it."

"Oh, yeah, I'm doing awesome." Ludwig gave him one more look before continuing.

"How long have you been home, Gilbert?" The albino looked at his younger brother. _There is no way he knows I skipped._

"I got here not long before you."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really."

"Well, Antonio wanted me to tell you hi." Ludwig continued to give his brother the "I know what you did" stare.

"Okay." Gilbert was now sitting at the edge of his bed facing his brother.

"Don't you have an afternoon class with him?"

"Yeah, why?" Gilbert was smirking. He knew what his brother was doing. Ludwig knew Gilbert skipped school, but had no proof.

"Why would he ask me to tell you hi after just seeing you?" Ludwig was getting frustrated. He knew Gilbert was out doing _something_ the better part of the day. He just didn't know what.

Gilbert didn't miss a beat when responding, "It's Antonio. What do you expect?" Ludwig just looked irritated.

Gilbert's smirk grew. "Did he say anything else?"

"No, Lovino was there." Gilbert chuckled.

"So I guess we were also told about being potato bastards or something?" Ludwig sighed.

"Pretty much." Gilbert laughed, and put his previous thoughts to the back of his head. He would have plenty of time to worry about it later. Right now he just wanted to relax.

* * *

><p>"Dinner is ready!" Matthew looked up from his homework at the sound of his Papa's voice. He closed his Math book leaving the paper he was doing his problems on inside to mark his page and got up with a sigh.<p>

He heard Alfred bounding down the stairs at the call of food. He cracked a smile and started heading downstairs towards the kitchen. He was probably overreacting. Why would dinner go any different than before?

Matthew walked into the kitchen right after Arthur to see Alfred already filling his plate with food.

"Alfred! You are supposed to wait for everyone before you make your plate!" Arthur was behind looking irritated. Matthew smiled. No matter how hard he tried to drill proper manners into his sons head it never had any effect on the older twin.

Alfred turned around to look at his dad and responded. His voice was just muffles because he had already stuffed his mouth with food when he was making his plate. Arthur just sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose causing Matthew to giggle. He gave his younger son a small smile and a pat on the back as he went to get his plate.

Soon the family of four was all sitting at the table with full plates of food made by Francis, the chef of the house. Everything seemed like an average dinner to Matthew, but some things felt off.

Alfred was chatting about day excitingly, occasionally getting scolded by Arthur and having Francis telling the Brit to lighten up. Matthew took a bite of his food and squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. He could feel eyes on him every so often.

He pretended he didn't notice the looks, but it was hard at the amount of times Francis kept glancing. He tried to pass it off as something small. He hadn't really talked to Francis since he got home so he was probably still worried about that. Despite his reassurances, something still just felt… off about the glances. _What could have Papa so worried?_

"So, lad, how was your day?" It took Matthew a moment to figure out he was being addressed. He looked up at Arthur. _Well, this is a first._ Everyone at the table was looking at Matthew expectantly waiting for his answer.

The Canadian put more food on his fork as he responded, "fine," nonchalantly. He didn't plan on saying anything else, but there was no noise immediately after he talked as usual.

He looked up from his food again realizing he was expected to say a bit more about his day. He searched his mind for a quick response.

"Uh, it turned out to be better than I thought it would be."

"You didn't expect today to be good?" Francis spoke up looking at his son expectantly.

"It was just a feeling I had in the morning… y-you know?" Francis continued looking at his younger son as the older piped up.

"I know exactly what you're talking 'bout! It happens to me all the time!"

"Alfred I believe that is the fear of failing when you realized you played videogames the night before instead of studying." Arthur gave Alfred and accusing look as the later just pouted. Matthew cracked a small smile at their antics.

"And I do believe you have one of those tests tomorrow." Alfred gave his dad a look.

"Yeah?" Arthur just smiled softly.

"Why don't you go study if you're done eating?" He motioned to the sink where they always put their dirty dishes.

"Fine." Alfred got up with his plate and heading towards the sink before going upstairs. Matthew thought it was the perfect time for his escape and got up to follow Alfred.

"Mathieu, why don't you stay here for a while? We never got to hear about your day, and I haven't had the chance to talk to you yet today." Matthew turned to look as his two parents who were looking at him expectantly. He sat down and looked up shyly.

"O-okay." They were silent for a moment before Francis spoke again.

"So tell us about your day, mon petit." Matthew took a moment to collect his thoughts. He wasn't sure what to say. On a normal day he would be nervous about talking about his day. The fact he had to do it this very day just made it worse.

"W-well, I woke up, cleaned my room a little bit, and went to school." _Probably best to not to mention getting to school late. _He looked at his parents to see if what he said was good. Arthur nodded as a sign to continue after hearing Matthew's words.

"T-then I ran into Gilbert and we came here to get some lunch." Francis glanced at Arthur who was looking at his food before looking back to his youngest son.

"Then… uh… you were here, dad." Arthur looked up at this son.

"I am very sorry, lad." Matthew gave a small smile.

"I know dad." They were silent for a few minutes before Francis decided to break the silence again.

"What did you and your friend, Gilbert, do today?" Matthew bit his lip in thought for a moment before making eye contact with his parents that were looking at him expectantly.

"W-well, after he found me w-we went and got some lunch at a s-sandwich place. T-then we just walked home." He looked at his parents expectantly to see if they had anything to say. Francis had a small smirk on his face as if he knew something no one else figured out yet. Arthur's face was neutral, but after living with him for so long Matthew knew that was just how Arthur was. He really was okay with it all. He just thought nothing of it.

"I-I guess we spent quite a while at lunch and took our time walking so we got home kind of late." Arthur gave him a small smile.

"It's okay, Matthew. It was already a little late when we started our search so your lunch was probably late as well." The three found themselves in silence soon after. Matthew noticed Francis looked like he wanted to say something a few times but didn't.

After a short while Arthur spoke up, uncomfortable with the silence. "Well, I might as well start cleaning up the dishes."

He took everyone's dishes and heading to the sink to rinse them. Matthew took it as his opportunity to leave. When he was at the foot of the stairs a voice called out for him.

"Mathieu." Matthew turned around to face to worried face of his Papa.

"Papa?" Matthew spoke in a soft voice unsure of what was wrong. Francis put his hand on Matthew's shoulder.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right mon petit?"

"Y-yes, Papa." Francis seemed to relax a little at his son's words. Matthew stood there slightly confused at his father's actions.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?" Matthew shook his head.

"N-no, Papa. I am fine."

"Alright. You can go then." Francis watched Matthew ascend the stairs as he ran a hand through his hair. The albino boy had to be wrong. His petit Mathieu would never do that.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you all for waiting patiently for the update! I hope ya'll liked the chapter. I had sometroubles starting it, but I think it turned out decent.

Something you don't know (unless you're a stalker) is that the school I go to has a laptop program, and the laptop I have was bought through school. I recently found out I have to turn it in for a few days to get it upgraded, checked, and stuff. My family doesn't have a desktop or anything like that, so I will be without a computer for a few days this coming week.  
>That means that next chapter will probably be a little bit late. I am really really sorry for all the lateness recently! I will find some way to make it up to you guys! I just don't know how yet…<p>

Thank you all for 100 reviews! I happy danced when I saw that. I never thought this would be so popular. I wasn't sure how to thank you guys. I was going to list you all individually, but I decided you would want the update instead of having to wait for me to do that. ^^' Thank you all again! You are all AWESOME! XD


	10. Chapter 10

Matthew lay awake in his bed under the covers staring at the ceiling. The sun had yet to rise far into the sky but still cast a faint glow throughout his still clean room.

He had school today. He planned on going, and if he was lucky he would sit with someone at lunch. He would be lying if he said he wasn't excited. He never really sat with anyone at lunch. It wasn't because they wouldn't let him. It was because he always felt like he was intruding. They wouldn't acknowledge him if he asked if he could sit with them, and if he sat down they wouldn't do anything. It was nice for a while until he was sat on, and just listening and not talking was never fun for a teen. He hoped Gilbert would remember him today. Then he would be able to talk to someone at lunch.

A loud buzzing broke him out of his thoughts.

He turned over and proceeded to turn off his alarm. He sat at the edge of the bed a moment one the alarm was off just looking at the clock. _That is weird. Usually I'm up much longer before I have to get ready for school._ He stood up and stretched his arms. He didn't mind. It felt nice to get a decent night's sleep. It was something he hadn't had in a while and left him in a good mood.

He opened his closet and randomly grabbed some clothes. He slipped into his jeans and a t-shirt; he didn't pay attention to which one. He scratched his head once it was on, and moved to his desk chair. He picked up his favorite red hoodie from the back of the chair and pulled it on.

Now he was dressed.

He didn't really understand it, but he had worn the hoodie so long that he felt incomplete without it. It just felt weird not to be wearing it. He tried not to think about why he started wearing the hoodie everyday despite what the weather was. He liked the article of clothing when he first got it, but not enough to wear on hot summer days. Despite that, he worn it those days too and just let himself sweat.

He had to wear it or someone could have seen his scars. Sometimes he wanted someone to know, someone to reach out and help him, but he still covered them anyways. The chance of a person doing that was slim. If anyone took the chance to notice him and saw the scars, they would think badly of him, not help. He didn't want to be judged for what he did. He doubted anyone would understand if they saw.

He shook his head as he entered the bathroom him and Alfred shared. He really needed to listen to himself when he told him to stop thinking like that. It isn't a good way to start the day. He was glad a moment later he thought of it though. It reminded him he needed to change his bandages. He didn't do it the night before, and he didn't want to get an infection.

He sat on the toilet with fresh bandages on the counter next to him and started to unwrap the old bandages. He winced when he almost had them off. Some of the cuts had reopened when he was sleeping, nothing bad, but it made taking of the bandages more painful.

He wet some toilet paper to wipe off the dried blood that was still on his arm. He didn't think much of it. It wasn't uncommon for him to accidently open cut when he was sleeping; he tended to be a restless sleeper. This was morning routine anyways.

After he had fresh bandages on his arms, he rolled down his sleeves and proceeded to do what was normal routine for people his age. He brushed his teeth and combed his wavy hair. Despite his attempts, a curl in front of his face would not stay on either side. He stopped his attempts with a huff taking a good look at him in the mirror.

He took in his image for a moment. He never was very fond of mirrors. It got worse ever since he first became depressed long ago. It took a long time for him to admit to himself he was even in a depression. Now, he can say, at least in his mind, that he was, not that it really changed anything.

He hated having to see the way his eyes looked when he saw his reflection. It was scary in a way. His eyes always seemed lifeless and were soon accompanied by dark circled underneath them from lack of proper sleep. He used to wonder why no one noticed something was wrong if his eyes betrayed him so. He would always have to remind himself the same thing: you are invisible. Why would they notice emotions in your eyes if they never see you?

Matthew stared at his eyes. They didn't seem as lifeless as some days, but they still seemed dull. He raised the corner of his lips in an attempted smile. It was shaky and didn't reach his eyes. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. _Okay, that time I looked in pain._ He hoped he could smile today at school since he was going to hang out with people today.

His laughter from the day before rang in the back of his head. He supposed that it would come naturally when around other people. The thought of hanging out with friends almost made him smile, but the fear he would be forgotten stopped the giddy happiness.

He attempted to tame the curl one more time with a stroke of his brush before leaving the bathroom and going to the kitchen for breakfast. He heard Alfred moving in his room so he expected he was already getting dressed.

He took a small container full of pancakes out of the fridge. He liked to make extra pancakes on the weekends so during the school week he could warm them up for breakfast. He put one on a plate and started the microwave up, making beeps with each button he pressed.

He leaned back on the counter and stretched listening to the buzz of the microwave. The house was still pretty quiet. A crumbling of paper broke through the semi-silence of the house. Matthew turned to the source of the noise, the kitchen table.

Someone was sitting at the table with a newspaper blocking their face. The tea next to him meant it was Arthur. Matthew wasn't too surprised. A good amount of the time Arthur was still home when the twins woke up for school. He couldn't stay long enough to see them off, but he was still there for some of the time.

The newspaper only came on Sundays in their neighborhood, but Arthur liked to read it throughout the week. He didn't have much time in the morning so he only read one or two articles a day. The Canadian recalled him one saying it got his mind started up and working for the day. He wasn't really sure how reading the news helped, but he never dwelled on it.

The beep signaling his pancake was done cooking broke through his thoughts. He quickly took out his plate and drenched it in syrup. Everything would be better once he had his syrup. Some people had to drink coffee in the morning to get going, Arthur had to read, and Matthew needed some good ol' maple syrup.

He sat down at the table next his dad who had lowered the paper slightly revealing his face.

"Good morning… Matthew." Matthew looked at his dad. He was surprised by his action, but not too much. He knew Arthur had almost called him Alfred, but stopped after getting a good look at the boy next to him. He couldn't be upset though. He was seen and remembered, and he hadn't even been up long.

"Good morning, dad." Arthur folded his paper and put it down. He looked at his son who was eating his pancake breakfast.

"So anything exciting happening today?" Matthew down his fork and looked at his dad who looked a little uncomfortable.

"Uh… N-not really, it's just school." He decided not to tell the other about probably getting to eat with people. He didn't want to make his dad feel bad about how he usually wasn't noticed at school.

"I see." Arthur took a subtle and quick glance at his watch. "Well, I better be heading off I don't want to be late." He looked at his son fondly.

"Have a good day, even if it's just school." He ruffled the blonde's wavy hair before making his exit.

Matthew sat there for a moment with a small smile on his face. It was a small gesture, one that tons of other kids probably got when they were younger that other teens his age would hate, but it meant a lot to him. Yeah, he was going to have a good day. It already had a great start.

Matthew started to finish his pancakes with a smile. While Matthew was eating, Alfred dragged himself in the kitchen slumped.

"Morning Al." Alfred made grumble sounds, but other than that didn't acknowledge his twin's existence. Matthew wasn't offended. He knew Alfred was a zombie in the morning before his coffee. Arthur had to read, Matthew needed syrup, and Alfred was one of the typical coffee drinkers addicted to its caffeine.

Alfred started making coffee and went to the pantry to get something to eat. He came out of the pantry with a packet of pop tarts. He yawned and scratched his head as he poured the finished coffee in a mug. Instant coffee, how could he survive without it?

He sat down at the table next to Matthew and took a few sips of his coffee before sitting back in the chair. Matthew smiled. His brother was always full of energy except first thing in the morning. It was funny to watch because one moment he is the living dead and the next he is as lively as the sun. A few minutes later Alfred officially woke up out of zombie mode.

"Mornin' Mattie!" Alfred popped a pop tart in his mouth with a grin on his face. Matthew just laughed at his brother's antics finishing the last few bites of his pancake. When Matthew had his plate cleaned off and put away, Alfred was already done eating.

"We better head out if we want to make the bus, bro!" Matthew turned to look at his brother. They were walking together? They haven't done that in a long time.

"Sure, let me grab my bag." He wasn't going to question it. Sometimes it was best not to think about things. Instead he would enjoy it while it was happening.

He ran upstairs to quickly grab his backpack. He tried to pull it on fast forgetting the weight of all the books and things inside. He nearly dropped it created a bang, but still had a grip on the strap. With a bit more struggle he got the overstuffed backpack on and started going downstairs as fast as the extra weight would let him move.

He met Alfred who was waiting by the front door with his own bag. Alfred's bag looked almost empty and was probably very light.

"Took you long enough, dude." Alfred smiled at his younger brother and Matthew cracked a small smile back.

"Sorry." Alfred gave a questioning look at Matthew's backpack but didn't say anything.

"Alright, let's head out."

The two started walking to the bus stop. They really didn't need to ride the bus. It wasn't that long of a walk; Matthew walked it the other day. Though riding the bus was always better than having to walk it that early in the morning. Matthew supposed the only reason they had it was because parents were paranoid about their kids getting kidnapped, and teens were too lazy to walk it anyways.

They walked towards the spot on the corner where the bus would pick them up. Alfred had his hands behind his head still stretching. He peered at his meek twin from the corner of his eye. Matthew seemed to be in a good mood. It made him question if anything was still wrong. He decided maybe them walking had already cheered up his twin a little.

They did some meaningless chatter as they walked. It made Matthew feel good to actually be remembered and have the other want to talk about him. He soon found a smile planted on his face. Turned out he could actually put on a real smile. Alfred was talking about a weird dream he had before complete with aliens that had British accents asking for Matthew's opinion on it when they saw the bus turn the corner. They quickly ran the rest of the way to where a few other kids were standing looking bored and tired.

Matthew didn't know them and they never seemed too keen to talk in the mornings. He supposed they lived close by and weren't morning people, but that was about it. Maybe they didn't know what their morning "pick me up" was. If they were talkative, he would recommend the syrup.

The blond twins boarded the bus after the not the morning type teens, Alfred leading and Matthew behind.

Alfred scanned the bus occupants and quickly ran to sit next to one of his friends excitingly. Matthew sat in the empty seat behind them. Alfred attempted to start a three way conversation with the two of them, but it didn't work out well. Matthew could admit that he didn't try his hardest. He had often seen the Asian kid his brother had introduced to him grabbing other people's chests. Sometimes he wondered about how Alfred found the most random kids to hang out with. It didn't help the conversation that Alfred's friend, Yong So, kept forgetting who Matthew was.

After a while the conversation died down. Yong So and Alfred started talking about video games, and Matthew proceeded to look out the window.

The Canadian always liked looking out the window. He was always entranced by the way the world moved by so fast, but you were able to see it all through the window of the vehicle. They were going so fast, but none of the colors really blended. They all stayed separate, but came together nicely.

He liked looking at all the other drivers in their cars. You couldn't help but wonder what song that person was singing or who that person was talking to on the phone. Where were they going? Is that person with them their friend? Family? Maybe they picked the other passenger up off the street and were giving him a ride.

He let himself be entertained by those thought and more the rest of the ride to school. He put the incident of being forgotten by the people in front of him to the back of his head, choosing to focus on the good things that had happened so far instead.

* * *

><p>Gilbert was fast asleep in his messy room. He was sprawled out on his bed, limbs tangled in the various bed sheets that were thrown everywhere. His mouth was open slightly signaling his deep slumber. He was never a morning person, and sleep seemed to be his best friend.<p>

A loud bang echoed throughout the room as the door opened, but the albino didn't stir. A Ludwig dressed for school stood in the doorway with a scowl on his face.

"GILBERT! GET UP! WE'RE LEAVING SOON!" The body of his older brother stirred under the sheats at the loud voice.

"Mmm… Later." A hand popped out from the bed sheets and waved itself around. Ludwig's eyebrow twitched.

"We are not doing this today! Get out of bed!" Gilbert just turned over in the bed.

Ludwig walked towards the bed grumbling the entire way. He grabbed his older brother's feet and pulled him out from under the sheets.

Gilbert hit the floor with a bang and made an oof sound as he made contact with the floor. He looked up at his younger brother with a glare.

"You're so unawesome."

"Yeah well, get ready. If you're not in the car in fifteen minutes I'll drag you." In the past he would have told Gilbert he would be left behind, but after doing that the first time and having Gilbert not go to school he wouldn't do that one again. The large blond turned and left so Gilbert could get ready.

Gilbert sat on the ground in his boxers for a few moments still waking up. Not too long later, he was on his feet stretching in front of his closet as he looked for something to wear. He didn't spend long deciding before he grabbed some jeans and a dark t-shirt and threw them on.

He scratched the back of his head as he headed to the bathroom. He quickly brushed and teeth and did his hair knowing his time was going to run out, and he wanted to eat.

He bounded down the stairs to get breakfast. Not long after he went down the stairs he was running back up and into his room.

"Sorry Gilbird! I could never forget to feed the awesome you." Gilbert quickly fed his bird, and went downstairs to get his own breakfast.

He was eating some waffles he made in the toaster when his brother came into the kitchen.

"Bruder, we need to leave soon." Gilbert swallowed what he was eating before responding.

"Five minutes." He proceeded to stuff the rest of the waffles in his mouth before bounding up the stairs to grab his bag. Ludwig just stood and the kitchen and sighed shacking his head. He never understood how his brother could survive being like that every morning. He started heading to the car knowing Gilbert would show up soon.

As predicted, Gilbert jumped in to passenger seat a few minutes later as his brother started the car. The two started their way to school on schedule according to Ludwig. Gilbert talked a majority of the way making jabs at Ludwig every so often. Occasionally, Ludwig would make a witty comeback. A normal day for the brothers.

They soon found themselves in the school parking lot getting out of the car. Ludwig left to go to his locker while Gilbert stayed in the parking lot stretching his arms. He looked at the crowds of kids going from their cars or the buses into the school. He was trying to find one of his close buds.

"Hey Toni!" Green eyes turned around to see the albino jogging towards him. A smile spread across the tan teen's face.

"Buenas Dias, Gilbert!" The two stared a conversation when Gilbert caught up and walked into the school heading for their lockers.

* * *

><p>Matthew's bus stopped at the school before he knew it. His brother ran off with Yong So before he could even stand. Matthew just sighed as he waited for the other teens to get off the bus before getting off himself. He always hated all the crowds involved in going to school.<p>

He got off the bus and surveyed the front of the school. Typical high school. You could practically see the cliques coming together from the kids walking all directions to the entrance. He liked to think his school wasn't as divided as other ones were. They had their cliques like every other school, but theirs at least could mingle with each other, or at least most of them. There were some kids who didn't get along, but there would always be people who had enemies wherever you went. It was just a fact of human nature.

He hiked his backpack strap up his shoulder and made his way into the school.

The morning was the part of the day he hated the most. The crowds in the hallways were just unbearable. At the end of the day he could wait in his last period class for the crowd to clear out a little, but at the beginning of the day he couldn't wait or he would be late.

He supposed that's why people liked walking the halls together, especially in the mornings. It was harder for people to accidently run into you if there were more of you. Others were more bound to see you.

Matthew sucked it up and made his way towards his locker.

He could tell from the crowd in the halls he still had a good while until homeroom so he dropped his backpack on the ground. He took a moment to roll his shoulders before opening the zipper and his locker.

He looked at his empty locker and then at his overstuffed backpack. He spent all that time yesterday packing it up just to have to unpack it all. At least having more work to do is a good thing for once. It means he is still here. Not only that, but it reminds him he has a friend to eat lunch with, something that lightened his mood once again as he refilled his locker.

Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

><p>Gilbert finished going to his locker with his friend, Antonio, in tow. The Spaniard was explaining about how 'his Lovi' did in fact resemble a tomato because Gilbert said that he just didn't see the resemblance.<p>

"Yeah well, just make sure he doesn't scare away Mattie." Antonio tilted his head to the side a little in confusion.

"Who's Mattie?" Gilbert stopped to look at his friend. He almost forgot that no one else knew the Canadian boy.

"Oh, uh, he is a new friend that's going to be eating with us."

"Yay! You're making friends!" Antonio pretended to give his friend a round of applause causing Gilbert to roll his eyes.

"Haha. Very funny."

"I don't remember the name from anywhere. I don't think I know him." Gilbert thought back to what Matthew told him about being invisible. He wondered if Antonio really had never met the Canadian.

"That's because you don't." The Spaniard raised an eyebrow at the other.

"Oh?" Gilbert put his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, I just met him yesterday."

"Oh, okay." The two continued to walk down the hallway when Antonio piped up again.

"Speaking of yesterday, where were you? I didn't see you in class or after school." Gilbert thought about what to say for a moment before responding.

"I was helping out a friend." He said it in a way that people who knew him long enough would know he didn't want to talk about it. Antonio sensed this and was quiet for a few moments. He tried to think of something else to talk about.

"Hey Gilbert, if we see this Mattie guy can you point him out to me? I have a feeling I know him, but I just can't remember."

_That's because no one remembers._ The thought came to him right away. He couldn't say he was really surprised. He had been thinking back to the things Matthew had said. He just felt that if people remembered him, he wouldn't have hurt himself or had even been at the bridge that other day. The downside was that he felt everyone walking in the hallway was at least a little at blame. He didn't know why he cared so much for someone he just met, but he knew he needed to get a hold off himself. Matthew would be fine. He was going to help him, and everything would be fine.

"Yeah, sure, I'll keep a look out for him."

The two started making their way to the part of school where their homeroom classes were. They walked in silence, except for Antonio's quiet humming, but it wasn't awkward. After knowing each other for so long nothing could really be awkward between them.

The hallways were still crowded, but were starting to thin out. The people who liked to get to their homerooms early had already went, and the groups of friends scattered around the hallway had dispersed to get their books before the school day officially started.

Gilbert was watching all the people they passed when he saw a familiar curl a bit away on the other side of the hallway. He slowed down he steps to try to get a look. A person moved out of the way, and he saw Matthew's head. It disappeared quickly after when the blond went to get more books out of his backpack.

"Hey, Gilbert, why'd you stop?" Gilbert nodded in the direction of the now visible Matthew.

"That's Matthew over there." Antonio looked towards where Gilbert had gestured.

"Where?" Antonio was looking straight in the direction of the blond.

"He is the dude stuffing books into his locker."

"Oh, is he the guy with the backpack?" Antonio smiled as if he accomplished something great. Gilbert nodded looking at Matthew.

"Yeah, he is the boy with the backpack."

Antonio started saying something about how he didn't recognize him and making new friends as Matthew shut his locker, grabbed his backpack, and slowly walked away. Gilbert watched him the entire time noting how Matthew was carrying himself.

_He seems fine today… What am I saying? How would I know if he is fine or not? _Despite his thoughts he had a feeling he would be able to tell. With all that happened the day before and everything he found out, he had a good idea about how the other usually was.

He thought back to how Matthew looked at school the day before. He didn't look as downcast or upset. He was probably doing better.

The warning bell rang signaling five minutes until everyone needed to be in homeroom. Gilbert and Antonio made their way to their homerooms. The former decided he would see if Matthew was really doing better at lunch. If everything went right, he would be feeling better.

* * *

><p>AN: Yay! I have my computer back! I would have gotten this up sooner, but the school forgot to call me to pick up my laptop so we didn't know it was done. ^^'

Prucan is the main pairing for this, but other ones are going to be mentioned. They just won't be focused on. (In case anyone was wondering) I'm thinking about pairing someone with Al since he is Mattie's bro and shows up a lot, but I'm not too sure… so I'm working on that.

Next chapter should be up normal time if everything works out. Thank all of you so much for being patient about my recent lateness. And thank you so much for all the reviews and things!


	11. Chapter 11

Gilbert sat in his homeroom laying his head on his desk. Homeroom was such a waste of time. They never did anything important. It was just a time for kids to finish homework and cram. He couldn't say too much about them because he was one of those kids most of the time, but days like this where he had nothing to do, he felt like it was a waste.

He sat up and stretched a little bit. _God, how much longer of this._ His thoughts were broken by the door opening. He looked up to see a girl with long brown hair talking to the teacher and handing him a tardy slip.

"Late again, I see, Eliza." He smirked at her as she sat on the desk next to him. She smacked him on the back of the head.

"Oh, shut up." He held the back of his head.

"That is no way how to treat awesome people." Elizaveta crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Like you know about how people should be treated." The albino turned in his chair to face his friend. He put his elbow on the desk and leaned on his hand nonchalantly. He didn't expect Elizaveta to still be upset about some harmless pranks. He supposed Feliciano was a soft spot for her. She was always like a protective older sister to him.

"Really now? You know its comments like that that make me wonder if you guys really appreciate my awesomeness." Elizaveta just raised her eyebrows at him causing him to smirk.

"So I made a friend that could appreciate my awesomeness." He leaned back and crossed his arms with a smile.

"You found someone that could stand your ego other than us?" She smiled a little in a teasing manner.

"Hey, I don't have an ego; I really am awesome." This caused the brunette to laugh.

"Whatever you say, Gilbert."

"But seriously, be nice to him okay?"

"What?" Gilbert sighed and sat up.

"My friend, he is eating lunch with us today. I want you to be nice to him, okay? He's really shy and shit, and I don't want you guys making him feel bad even if it's just some jokes." Elizaveta gave him a look. It was simple and slightly surprised with a small smile on her lips. She was surprised that Gilbert was going out of his way for someone he just met. It seemed out of character for him.

The two had known each other since they were little. They were family friends, and had a brother-sister relationship, thus all the bickering between the two. Out of everyone she probably knew Gilbert the best, except for maybe Ludwig.

She knew Gilbert wasn't the most trusting person. He was very outgoing and ready to talk and say his opinion, but he never really fully trusted people. She could see it hold him back sometimes. He didn't have other close friends out of their one group. Yes, he had friends and talked to people, but it wasn't nearly as intimate as the relationships he had with the people he knew longer.

It took a while for him to fully accept and trust people. It wasn't something very noticeable because of his outgoing and loud personality, but it was still there. It had to do with his parents. She didn't know much else about it; his parents were a touchy topic. It was one that was untouchable for most people and hard to come by even for his closer friends. Still, he never went out of his way for people he didn't know well.

What she didn't understand was how he seemed to be close friends with someone he just met. It was odd for him. She knew something had to happen different than when usually making friends, or there was really something special about this kid.

"So who is this guy?"

"His name's Matthew." Elizaveta smiled. Gilbert cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Sooo…" She made a motion with her hands. Gilbert gave her an even more questioning look. He wasn't sure where she was going, but knowing her it wasn't good.

"What?" She gave him a cocky grin. "Do ya like him?" Gilbert eyes widened and his face turned red.

"Wha-!" Elizaveta started laughing.

"I was thinking since you seemed to really care about-"

"God, Eliza, why do you have such an obsession with that gay romance crap!" Gilbert said exasperated slightly annoyed. Despite the jab at her interests, she still smiled.

Before anymore could be said between the friends the bell rang signaling the end of homeroom. Elizaveta through her backpack on and turned before she left.

"Whatever you say, Gilbert." Gilbert seethed.

"God dammit! I do not like him, Eliza!" The brunette just laughed as she walked away. Gilbert sighed and put on his light backpack. He had the weirdest friends.

He wasn't too surprised at her actions. He usually didn't care much about people he just met so one would jump to conclusions, and any normal person would not guess the truth. Who would expect him to care because the other person had tried to die? Then there was just the plain fact of her little interest. Gilbert thought of it more of an obsession especially after the time she tried to hook up him and Roderich. He shook his head and chuckled at the memory. It was actually pretty funny because both parties weren't too keen about it, and she sucked at being discrete.

He really hoped everyone wasn't too weird today. He wanted Matthew to feel like he fit in. The point was for him to make friends and feel like he belonged, not freak him out. He knew Matthew wasn't anywhere near as weird as his group of friends, but he hoped everything would still work out. Besides, they all had their normal days and not all of them were _that_ weird.

He sighed as he sat down in his first period class. He would just have to see how things turned out later. All he could do now was wait.

* * *

><p>Matthew was one of the first kids in his homeroom. Most people were still in the halls talking to friends. He looked at the door wishing he was out there doing that. Too bad he was invisible. Maybe if he was more special or talented it wouldn't be this way.<p>

He started tapping his thumb on all his fingers alternating between fingers: index, middle, ring, pinky, ring, pinky, ring, pinky. Repeat. It was a nervous habit in a way. He did it as a distraction when thoughts turned sour. It never worked as a distraction well, but he _needed_ to do something with his hands when the temptation was high. He was not going to hurt himself over something so small.

He ran his other hand through his hair as he started shacking his leg fast. His breathing picked up, but it was still silent. He closed his eyes. _I don't need it. I don't need it. _He opened them again and scanned the people in the room. _No one notices._

He stopped his movements all together and reached for his backpack. He fumbled around inside until he pulled out some pencils and a small sketching pad. It was the size of an average spiral notebook, but with more paper and the curly metal spiral at the top instead of the side. He opened the sketchpad to a random blank page, grabbed a pencil, and started sketching.

It suited its job perfectly. He was decently distracted from all the before mentioned thoughts. He didn't know what he was drawing; he just sketched making lines hoping it would turn into a decent picture. He wasn't the best drawer, but he was decent. He took art class at the school so he knew the basics, and he did it often when he needed to be distracted.

When he first decided to try to stop injuring he had a lot of trouble. It was harder than he thought. He never realized how dependent he had become. So for help, he turned to the internet. There were tons of ways to help dealing with it, most of which he didn't really felt like trying. He read one time that just a distraction could help, something to let out your feelings elsewhere. That's when he started drawing, it was one of the examples along with writing, but he never was much of a writer. He wasn't a good artist at first, but overtime he became better.

Soon the classroom became filled and the bell rang. He didn't let it disturb him. He blocked out the voices around him so he wouldn't be reminded on what he was missing out on.

The bell rang again in what felt like no time. The room erupted in noise as all the student gathered their things and rushed to their first class. Matthew sat took his time not wanted to get caught in the bustle of the crowd.

He leaned back and looked at his drawing. It wasn't finished, but you could see where it was heading. He had drawn a dark landscape. It seemed bleak and like a fantasy world, but it was slightly depressing. In one spot the darkness faded to pure white where he didn't shade at all. In the white you could see the outline of a person who had yet to been drawn. The picture was actually beautiful in a way, but it was very sad looking.

Matthew put up his pencils, closed the sketchpad, and packed it up as well. He might finish it if he had time… or maybe not. Sometimes it was best not to look back on what he had sketched before; it could get very depressing. Though he did do leisurely art not for a distraction, he never liked dwelling on some things. It seemed best to leave them untouched and let them be.

He walked into the hallway that was still bustling with movement. He kept to the sides so as not to get in most of the crowd. It was a funny feeling watching the people pass. He had gone to the high school, middle school, and, even for some of them, elementary school together, yet none of them recognized him. Even he would admit that he didn't know over half the people he past while walking. It was odd how you could spend so much time in the same building as someone, and never know them. That you could be in the same room for hours throughout the year, but if you saw each other outside of school you wouldn't recognize each other.

Matthew made a face as someone bumped into him causing him to hit the lockers. It wasn't hard, the person had simply bumped his arm on accident, but with his luck he ran into a lock. He sighed as he walked into his first period class. Sometimes he just had the worst luck. Not that he was too surprised; he should have been paying more attention in the halls anyways.

As class started he found himself confused about the lesson. He already knew the basics of what they were going over, but he didn't remember being taught it in class. Then it hit him. He missed this class yesterday. He had been cleaning his room while they were having discussions. He sat back in his chair a little amazed about how he had forgotten.

It was odd thinking about it, all the events that has happened the day before. He had actually tried to kill himself, and yet he was going through life as he always did. It gave him an unsettling feeling in his stomach to know how close he was from not sitting there at the moment.

He put his head in his hands and thought for a moment. So much had changed in a day, but he didn't regret what he almost did. After thinking about it for a bit, he knew deep down he wouldn't mind doing it again, just not now. He didn't feel like he could do it now, even though that feeling was still lingering.

As he said, so much had changed in a day. He thought back and remembered the moment the turn of events started to change, the moment he was tackled. He supposed he was lucky. It was perfect timing on Gilbert's part. He really did owe him, even if he doesn't understand what he exactly did. He had a fleeting feeling Gilbert had an idea what he was about to do, but he past it off. There was a chance Gilbert had an idea; he had been climbing the fence to the edge, but he wouldn't understand why. He also didn't bring it up.

Gilbert was probably just being nice and not talking about it. Matthew frowned. He hoped the albino wasn't befriending him out of pity. Usually he would take the pity if it meant being noticed for a little while, but he didn't want to be lied to about something like that. He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. Gilbert wouldn't do something like that; it didn't seem like him. Besides, it wasn't that weird that somebody actually wanted to hang out with him.

He smiled thinking about it. He just had to wait until lunch and everything would be fine. He wouldn't have to worry about if he was going to be remembered or not. He would find out then.

He tried to pay attention the rest of class to catch up on what they were learning, though his thoughts kept going distant on what was to come and what almost was. Before long the bell rang and the teacher was dismissing them.

This time he paid more attention to where he was going in the hallway. He waited a little longer before leaving so the halls would be a little less crowded. He stepped in the classroom just as the bell rang with a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to be late to this class two days in a row.

As he scanned the classroom for empty seats his indigo eyes locked with familiar red ones. _Gilbert is in this class?_

Gilbert was shocked at first when he saw the familiar blond walk into the classroom. Then he mentally slapped himself. How could he forget? He saw Matthew in this class yesterday when he walked in late.

He remembered the way the other walked in the day before. He didn't think too much of it at first, but no one else noticed he was late or even there for that matter. He had looked so depressed the day before in class; the mere thought of how he looked was saddening. He was going to ask if he was okay the other day in that class, but the other had left before he could do anything.

He kind of felt stupid for it now, though. Back then he really wouldn't have been asking because he really cared. Not now, though. Now he actually cared. It was sad knowing someone as awesome as Matthew wasn't noticed. It was weird in a way. How come people didn't notice someone as cool as him?

He locked eyes with Matthew and smirked. Matthew just stood there shocked for a moment before moving to one of the only empty seats left next to Gilbert in the back of the class. He sat down quietly taking out his five subject notebook for note taking.

Gilbert looked at him curiously. _Surely, he knows I'm here. He looked right at me._ At first he figured Matthew just liked to follow rules and was always quiet in class. Then, he realized most of the students were still talking among themselves, and that the teacher hadn't officially started the class. He supposed Matthew just went back into his shy shell.

"Hey Mattie. What's up?" Gilbert said in his usually happy voice with a hint of cockiness. Matthew looked up at him for a moment before breaking into a small smile, one that despite being small still showed in his eyes. The sight caused Gilbert to grin back.

"N-Nothing." He was quiet for a moment before adding, "what a-about you?" Gilbert shrugged.

"Not much. The usual, school." He made a face when he said school that caused the Canadian to chuckle.

"Hey don't laugh. I bet you hate it too." Matthew looked down and spoke in a quiet voice.

"Yeah." Gilbert looked at the blond next to him with scrunch eyebrows. Matthew saw his face and decided it meant he should say something more about it. He thought for a moment not sure of all that he should mention.

"I, uh, hate the crowds…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, like in the halls and stuff."

"Why? You claustrophobic or something?"

"N-no… I just, uh, get bumped into a lot and stuff… It's, umm… annoying?" Gilbert observed the other with a serious expression. Matthew looked up at the other when nothing was said. He hoped he didn't say anything wrong. He just made a friend; he didn't want to say anything wrong.

"Yeah, that's a reason to hate it." Gilbert rubbed his neck not knowing what else to say about it. He started racking his mind for a topic change that wouldn't seem weird.

"Oh yeah! I never told you." Matthew looked at him confused.

"What?" Gilbert blushed a little knowing he just randomly spoke really loudly and probably looked stupid. Usually he didn't care about stuff like that, but right now he did for some reason.

"I never told you where we sit at lunch. It completely slipped my mind." Matthew smiled again. He really was remembered. He was so stupid earlier for thinking otherwise.

"Oh, yeah, I didn't even think about it."

"Okay we sit at a table in the back corner. It shouldn't be too hard to find us, but I'll try to meet up with you beforehand to show you. Sound good?" Matthew just smiled.

"Yeah."

Before Gilbert could say anything else the teacher started talking and going about the lesson. Matthew was paying close attention to catch up since he missed most of the class yesterday.

Gilbert watched Matthew out of the corner of his eye. The other seemed to be in a better mood than earlier. He smiled a little. The other looked so different when he smiled and was happy.

Class went by fast for them, and soon they were packing up their things. Gilbert questioned Matthew where his next class was and found out that it was near his own.

"Alright, let's go."

"I-I usually wait a few minutes for the halls to clear."

"You're gonna be late if you do that all the time. Let's go." Gilbert almost grabbed Matthew's arm to drag him along but stopped. He didn't want to hurt him. Luckily, Matthew followed him out and into the crowded hallway. The two talked about random things as they walked.

Someone ran into Matthew causing him to stumble. Gilbert shot a glare at the person as they walked away. He thought that that wouldn't happen if Matthew had someone walking with him. He guessed it happened to people sometimes no matter what.

Matthew smiled to himself when he saw Gilbert glare. It made someone running into you completely different when there was someone there to care.

"See ya around, Mattie." Gilbert patted Matthew on the shoulder while the other said his goodbyes before taking off down another hallway to his next class.

Matthew continued down the hall in high spirits. All his worries earlier were gone. He was remembered, he had somewhere to sit at lunch, and he actually had a friend. He sat down in his next class and started digging through his backpack for the supplies he would need.

Alfred walked in the classroom in search of someone. He saw his brother's red hoodie and smiled. _Good, he is already here._

Alfred planned on seeing how his brother was doing. He seemed better in the morning, but he could never be sure with Matthew. He wanted to make sure his good mood in the morning wasn't just an act. Alfred leaned on his brother's desk.

"Hey Mattie!" The Canadian jumped in surprise at his brother's voice. He sat up from going through his backpack and smiled at his brother.

"Hi Al." Alfred looked at his brother's eyes intently.

"What's up, bro?" Matthew just shrugged.

"Nothing much, you?" Alfred observed everything about his brother from his stance to the way he was talking trying to decipher if anything was up. The only thing he could conclude was that his little brother was in a very good mood, better than when he usually was happy. Whatever was wrong yesterday obviously wasn't wrong now. He still wondered what it was.

"Not much. Having a good day?" He gave his brother a grin. His twin smiled back.

"Yeah, today's been pretty good."

"Well I'm gonna go to my seat before class starts." He hit the table twice with the hand he was using to lean on it before standing up straight. "See ya later, bro."

Matthew just smiled at him. "Okay, Al."

The shy blond sat through his class with Alfred and his next class in good spirits. He was in a good mood that only made lunch come faster. Before he knew it the lunch bell was ringing and he was quickly gathering his things to go.

He didn't stay behind like he usually did, but went straight to the halls like most everyone else. He wanted to get to lunch and didn't particularly care about the crowds. He walked in the middle of the hall with the majority of the crowd towards the cafeteria. He didn't see Gilbert at first when he got there, but after a few minutes saw him walking towards him.

Gilbert was surprised to see Matthew already waiting outside the cafeteria when he got there. He took his time because he thought the other would be later since he liked waiting for the crowds to disperse. He supposed the other was trying to be polite and not have him wait. Gilbert walked up to him and grinned.

Matthew smiled back and greeted the other speaking first.

"Hi."

"Hey, you buying your lunch?" Gilbert nodded his head towards Matthew's empty hands.

"Yeah, I forgot to pack one last night." He had been so tired the night before it completely slipped his mind. The day before was so weird lunch had never crossed his mind. He was glad he always carried his wallet in his backpack so he could buy it.

"That's good; I have to buy mine too." The two teens walked in the cafeteria and got at the end of the long lunch line.

"Despite what people say, the lunch here isn't _that_ bad. It doesn't move and isn't funny colors or anything." Matthew chuckled a little and gave him a funny look. He heard the lunches were horrible so he usually bought his lunch. He supposed it was one of the downfalls of having a chef for a parent. You get too used to delicious food.

"Let's just hope they are serving something edible today."

"Hey, I just said the food wasn't that bad." Matthew laughed.

"Francis cooks for a living." Gilbert gave him a look and muttered lucky causing Matthew to laugh. The two chatted about little things jokingly as they waited in line for their food.

After they had their food Gilbert started to lead Matthew to the table in the corner he mentioned earlier. Matthew started getting nervous when they got closer to the table. What if Gilbert's friends didn't like him? Would Gilbert still want to hang out with him if his friends thought he was weird? _Oh, mon Dieu! Those can't all be his friends._

Matthew's palms started sweating a little when he caught site of the table. He was expecting maybe one or two people, but there was more than that. He was exceedingly nervous and actually scared about sitting there.

Gilbert noticed Matthew tense next to him as they neared the table. He took a look at the other and noticed and seemed a little pale and was noticeably stressed.

"Hey, don't worry. They're nice, a little weird, but you shouldn't worry." He gave Matthew a reassuring smile. Matthew gave a shaky smile back.

"Y-yeah."

As they neared the table they could here everyone chatting loudly. Matthew couldn't tell what anyone was saying over the sound of his heartbeat and the fact that they were all talking at once. He took a deep breath as they walked up to the table trying to calm his nerves.

"Hey, less awesome people,the awesome me is here, and I bought a friend." Everyone at the table stopped their loud chatter to look at their new acquaintance. Matthew shifted his weight nervously when six pairs of eye were fixed on him. He wasn't used to being the center of attention and everyone looking at him at once was making him more uncomfortable.

"H-hi." Matthew gave a shaky smile as he spoke in a quiet wavering voice.

"Dammit, Potato Bastard, did you really bring another bastard here?" A brown haired boy spoke with a scowl. Matthew visually paled at the other's words, and froze not knowing what to do.

"Ah, Lovi, don't be mean." Another boy with tanned skin spoke up. The first one started yelling at the later next to him who had started to hug him. Gilbert turned to Matthew who was started to look more scared than nervous.

"Don't take anything Lovino says to heart. He is like that to everyone, even his brother." Matthew just nodded silently to his whispered words. Gilbert turned to the table and clapped his hands.

"Okay, let me introduce you lot. First off, this is Matthew." He gestured to Matthew next to him who moved his food to one hand so he could wave awkwardly. A few people at the table muttered greetings while the tan teen who had been talking to Lovino said, "Hi Matthew," in a way to mock alcoholics anonymous.

Gilbert proceeded to introduce the rest of the table gesturing Matthew to put down his food first. Gilbert stood behind Lovino.

"Okay, so this feisty little Italian is Lovino." He put his hands on the sitting boy's shoulders.

"Fuck off, bastard!" Gilbert laughed when the other slapped his arms off. He gestured to the boy on the Italian's left who had spoken up earlier.

"And this is Antonio." Antonio smiled at the Canadian and waved. "Hola, Matthew."

Gilbert then gestured to a boy with glasses and dark brown hair. Matthew took note of his good posture and that he seemed to be a little bored at the antics of the others at the table.

"This here is Roderich." The teen being spoken of looked up and responded with a pleasure. Matthew nodded back to him in return. Gilbert moved on to the next person.

"This is Eliz-"

"I'm Elizaveta." Gilbert scowled at being interrupted. The brown haired girl stood offering her hand to Matthew and giving him a soft smile. Matthew gave her a shy smile and shook her hand.

"You can sit down you know, Matthew. You don't have to stand there while Gilbert introduces us." Matthew blushed and sat down in the empty seat next to her. Gilbert took this moment to move on the next person.

Gilbert tackled a large muscular blond almost knocking him out of his seat and causing him to scowl at the albino.

"And this is my little bruder, Ludwig." Ludwig's blue eyes glared at Gilbert.

"Get off me." Ludwig started trying to fight Gilbert off of him while Matthew looked a little surprised.

He had heard most of the names of the people he was meeting yesterday when Gilbert was telling stories about random things; Ludwig's name was mentioned a lot. He knew Gilbert said they didn't look anything alike, but he was a least expecting the blond to look younger than Gilbert. Instead he seemed to be taller from what Matthew could tell while the other was sitting. He had blond hair, blue eyes, and a much more muscular build than his older brother. His seemed to carry himself in a similar way to Roderich, very much unlike the albino.

Gilbert laughed as Ludwig huffed when he finally got the albino off of him. Matthew couldn't help but chuckle a little at the brother's antics. It vaguely reminded him of him and Alfred when they were younger. Except Alfred was the touchy feely one, and he would have been on the floor from the tackle fighting it a little less. Gilbert's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Last but not least this here is Feliciano." He pointed to a brown haired boy sitting between Ludwig and Lovino. He looked very similar to Lovino except his hair and eyes were a shade lighter. He had a curl protruding from one side of his head while Lovino had a similar one on the other side. He quickly concluded that the two were brothers.

Hearing his voice Feliciano looked at Matthew with a smile and started talking fast.

"Hello Matthew! You can call me Feli; that's what a lot of people call me since my name is long. Can I call you Mateo?" He looked at the Canadian who had started fiddling with the bottom of his hoodie expectantly.

"S-sure." Feliciano just smiled wider and started talking about things he liked to let Matthew know him better. Matthew listened intently nodding his head every so often as he tried to keep up with what the bubbly brunette was saying.

Gilbert sat in the empty seat between Ludwig and Matthew smirking. He knew Matthew would fit in just fine. He watched as Feliciano chatted enthusiastically about different kinds of pasta, and Matthew listen to him looking a little uneasy at all the words and questions being thrown at him by the other.

"Feliciano, if you keep talking to him like that neither of you are going to be able to eat." Feliciano stopped midsentence and look at Ludwig who had spoken up.

"You're right!" He then turned to eat his lunch. Matthew let out a breath and gave a thankful look to Ludwig. Gilbert just chuckled and shook his head taking a bite out of his food. Matthew looked at him still a little tense, and Gilbert gave him a reassuring smile.

"So, Matthew, tell us a little about yourself." Matthew looked at Elizaveta who had spoken up and bit his lip.

"Uh… I'm Canadian." Gilbert looked down smiling, and trying not to laugh. It seemed that that was what Matthew said every time he had to talk about himself. Matthew looked at Gilbert causing him to blush knowing what Gilbert was thinking. Elizaveta just gave him a questioning look, and turned back to talk to Matthew.

Matthew started to tell her basically what he had told Gilbert the day before about living in Canada. The others at the table would occasionally add something to the conversation and listen, but after a few minutes broke into different conversations. At one point he mentioned having a brother, and Feliciano spoke up.

"You have a brother, Mateo?" Matthew looked at him much more relaxed then when he first sat down.

"Yeah, Alfred, he is in the same grade as me and Gilbert." Gilbert glanced at Matthew wondering how much about his family he was going to talk about.

"Do you mean Alfred Jones?" Elizaveta spoke up from Matthew's right.

"Yeah, we're twins." Feliciano looked elated.

"I have a twin brother, too! His name is Lovino!" Lovino smacked his brother on the arm.

"He could've guessed that, idiot." He then turned to Matthew. "So you're telling me that annoying hamburger bastard is your twin brother." Matthew nodded. Lovino looked at him a moment before adding, "You seem nothing like him."

Matthew decided he liked Lovino a lot more. He didn't hate his brother, but it was nice to have someone like him better than his brother for once. It was usually the other way around since Alfred was pretty popular, and it was a good feeling to have it the other way around for once.

Matthew spent most of the lunch talking to Gilbert and Elizaveta. He spent a little time talking to everyone at the table but spent the most of it chatting and joking with them since they were both next to him. Matthew laughed at how Gilbert and Elizaveta bickered with eat other. They vaguely reminded him of a married couple. It made him wonder if they liked each other. They didn't seem to be dating, but you never know what could happen in high school when it came to things like that.

After ending an argument with Gilbert, Elzaveta turned to her other side to talk to Roderich leaving Matthew and Gilbert to talk to each other.

"So how are you doing, Mattie?" Gilbert looked at Matthew curiously slightly more serious than before. Matthew met the other's red eyes questioning his reasoning behind the question with his own indigo pair.

"I've been good. Why do you ask?" Gilbert broke eye contact and shrugged.

"You seemed a little upset yesterday. I just wanted to make sure." Matthew looked at the other for a moment before looking at his hands.

"Oh… yeah, yesterday was… I…" Matthew wasn't sure what to say about the day before so he ended up saying the first thing that came to mind. "Thanks for yesterday."

Gilbert turned to look at the other not sure what to say. He wasn't really expecting that. Matthew ducked his head hiding the blush on his face realizing how stupid he sounded.

"Like I said yesterday, any time." Matthew looked up at the other slightly surprised at his response. The other was giving him a small smile that he quickly returned.

Elizaveta saw the exchange from where she was sitting not knowing what they were talking about. She met Gilbert's glance smirking at her. He shot her a glare and turned back to talk to Matthew.

Lunch passed by much faster than usual for the glasses wearing blond. Usually the hour seemed to drag on for him, but today it flew in what felt like no time at all. He supposed it went fast because he was constantly in conversation with everyone at the table. He decided that was the most social interaction he had in a long time; it left him a little tired, but in a very good mood. The table in the corner of the cafeteria would be his new favorite spot in the school.

Soon they were cleaning up their trash and saying goodbyes, promising to see each other later. A few of his knew friends must have had class together because they were promising to see each other then.

Gilbert walked up to Matthew and threw an arm around his shoulder.

"They aren't too bad, right?" Matthew gave a shy smile.

"They're nice… but Lovino kind of scares me still." Gilbert laughed.

"You get used to it after a while." Matthew just nodded his head with his shy smile still on his face.

"Well, I'll see you later, Mattie. Don't want to be late for class." Matthew waved to the other before they parted making their way to their classes after lunch.

When he sat down in his next class he replayed the events of lunch in his head. It was nice, a lot to take in, but nice. He talked to more people he had in a while. It was funny how they could all be best friends, but were all so different.

Roderich was actually pretty quiet. Not as quiet as Matthew usually was, but he didn't tend to lead any conversations. He only spoke up when he had something to say. He didn't idly chat like Feliciano. He did seem more like a 'follow the rules' guy which just made it funnier that he was friends with someone like Gilbert.

Ludwig had a similar personality to Roderich. He spoke more than when he had something important to say, but he was still quite just because of the fact that he was not as outgoing and loud as the others at the table. He seemed pretty organized to Matthew, and as if he'd rather like everything to be calm and in his control than crazy and unexpected. This only made it seem odd at how he could be such good friends with Feliciano.

Feliciano was bubbly, loud, very outgoing, energetic, and the list could go on and on. Even though he didn't spend too much time talking to the Italian, Matthew could easily say that Feliciano spoke the most words to him that lunch. He was very unpredictable and seemed to always have something say about anything and everything. He was just a happy teen that loved the world he lived in and everything about it. He seemed like the optimistic type to always look on the Brightside. It was very much unlike Matthew's philosophy on life. He wasn't yet comfortable around Feliciano yet, but he supposed that would change with time. It just seemed as if you couldn't not like the little Italian.

Another person it would take time to get used to was Lovino. Even though his bouts of anger were targeted at everyone, Matthew couldn't help feel as if some of them were personally meant for him and that the other meant it. He knew it was stupid. The other was actually nice and right now found nothing to hate about the Canadian, something that was rare for the brunette, but Matthew just couldn't help but feel that way. He knew that overtime he would get used to it; he just hadn't been around someone with a personality like that before.

Someone who was very used to Lovino's personality was Antonio. Antonio seemed completely unfazed by any of the Italian's words; he actually welcomed them with opened arms. Matthew remembered him saying how it had to do with Lovino showing his love earning him a smack to the head by said Italian. It was a little odd in Matthew's opinion, but he supposed that was kind of like his own parents even though he didn't think Lovino and Antonio were actually together.

Antonio had a personality like Feliciano's but on a much lower scale. He was enthusiastic and optimistic, but Matthew could tell he had a serious and calmer side. He could see how he was one of Gilbert's best friends because did have a lot in common personality wise. He found both of the teens a little silly, but that was a good thing.

Then there was Elizaveta. She was a complex person. She was kind and patient when it some to people like Feliciano and Matthew, but had an anger when it came to others like Gilbert. She had a very outgoing personality and seemed like an understanding person. He couldn't think of much else to think about her. He spent most of the lunch talking with her and Gilbert, and out of everyone he had just met felt most comfortable around her. Though, that could be just because he spent so much time talking to her.

He still felt most comfortable around Gilbert. Not just because he was the reason he was still here, but because Gilbert was his first real friend in a long time. He was nice and treated Matthew like an actual friend even though they hadn't known each other long. It was something Matthew respected, and that just put him in a happy mood.

Matthew walked to his next class in a good mood. Not only was he having a great day, but this was his favorite class. He missed it the day before when he had ditched with Gilbert so he was excited to be back in his art class.

It was a small class made up with people from different grades since it was an elective. He had taken drawing one his freshman year, so now he was in drawing two where you had more creative liberties with your work.

He walked into the familiar art room and sat down in his usual seat by the window. He let out a happy sigh and just sat there relax for a moment before moving. He reached for his backpack to take out his sketchpad that he had drawn in earlier that morning. He had already finished their recent project in class so he could work on whatever he wanted art-wise until the next assignment.

He opened to a page in the middle that contained the drawing his had been working on in homeroom. He stared at it for a moment just looking at the picture. _Was this really how I felt?_ It was odd seeing something so dark that had come from him just that morning when feeling like he did now. He ran his fingers over the page lightly just thinking. It had much more meaning for him since it was his emotions.

A voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Ve, did you draw that?" Matthew jumped surprised by the voice and met Feliciano's eyes while fighting to urge to cover up his work.

"Y-yeah, I dr-drew it." Feliciano peered at the picture closely over Matthew's shoulder.

"It's very good. It's sad, but beautiful… The darkness kind of scares me." Matthew tuned to look at Feliciano who was staring at the drawing intently.

"You are a good artist!" Feliciano sat in the seat next to him with a smile. Matthew looked around confused and a little nervous.

"I d-didn't know you were in this class…" Feliciano just looked up at him grinning widely.

"I didn't know you were here either! Now we can be art buddies!" He turned to an almost blank paper and started sketching on it. Matthew looked back at his own paper deciding to finish it.

It was an odd art class for Matthew. He usually sat by the window quietly and blocked off the rest of the world while he drew. Today he had someone next to him that kept a steady and slow conversation going. The topics were random and unimportant, just little things that really had no meaning. Feliciano was much calmer during this time; he was a very focused artist.

When art was over they packed up their belongings to head to their final class. Feliciano had drawn a few sketches using mostly brightly colored pastels. Matthew thought it matched the bubbly Italian perfectly. He himself was almost finished with his drawing. It just needed some more detail in the shading, but you could really see the drawing now.

Feliciano gave an enthusiastic goodbye as they parted in the hallway. Matthew smiled shyly to the other saying his own goodbye before going to his own class.

Matthew let out a sigh of relief when the final bell rang. Today just seemed to drag on and on. It wasn't completely a bad day, but it was making him a little tired.

He walked into the hallway quickly in hopes of reaching his locker fast to make it to the bus in time. He wasn't in the mood to walk all the way home.

He was packing books up in his locker when a person leaned on the locker next to him. He didn't notice the other boy there until he spoke up.

"Hey." Matthew jumped surprised and met the others red eyes. Gilbert smirked at how he scared the other.

"Oh, hey, Gilbert." Gilbert cocked an eyebrow at the blond.

"Oh hey? You should sound more happy to be graced in my awesome presence." Matthew just laughed in waved him off with a smile.

"Whatever you say." Gilbert pretended to pout until he saw a familiar person walking by.

"Toni! What's up?" Antonio turned to them with a smile.

"Nothing much. What about you guys?"

Soon the three were in conversation by Matthew's locker. Matthew laughed at Gilbert and Antonio's antics unaware at the emptiness of the hallway. Antonio glanced at his watched.

"I gotta go guys, or I'll be late." They said their goodbyes and started heading out themselves. When they got to the front Matthew realized the buses had already left. He had a feeling he had been forgetting something; he had forgotten that his bus usually leaves pretty early after school ends.

Gilbert noticed Matthew staring at where the buses usually were.

"Were you planning to ride one?" He nodded towards where the buses usually were after school.

"Yeah, but I lost track of time so I'll walk." Gilbert smirked at the other.

"Or," He dragged out the word earing a questioning look from the other. "We could give you a ride!"

"Y-you don't h-have too. I'm fine with walking." Matthew's words were a little rushed. He didn't want to other to go out of the way for him. Gilbert put his arm around Matthew steering him the other way watching his reaction intently.

"We're friends. Friends give other friends rides when they need them, and Ludwig will be cool about it too so come on." Matthew sighed let himself be steered into the parking lot.

There were still quite a few cars left from student with afterschool activities that drove. Ludwig was standing by an older car waiting for his brother.

"Hey Luddy. Miss me?"

"I was about to leave without you." Gilbert just chuckled even though he knew it was true.

"Hey, we need to give Mattie here a ride." He shook his arm that was still around Matthew's shoulder.

Ludwig looked at the shorter blond, not noticing him until now. Matthew waved awkwardly not knowing what to do. Everything going on was a new experience for him.

"Oh, Matthew. Yeah, we can give you a ride." Gilbert smiled and dragged Matthew to the car. He was soon sitting in the backseat with the Beilschmidt brothers in front. It was quiet for a few moments before Matthew spoke up.

"Uh, not to be rude, but why are you driving, Ludwig?" He saw the blond in the driver's seat raise an eyebrow. "W-well, aren't you too young?"

Gilbert let out a jittery laugh. "It's one of those cool laws around here. You can get your driver's license early if there are special circumstances." Ludwig make a quick glance at his older brother before looking back at the street.

Matthew looked out the window wondering if he shouldn't have spoken. He looked at the houses passing by. They would be at his soon.

The car was soon filled with meaningless chatter with the radio playing quietly in the background. Gilbert talked the most out of them talking about his day when they weren't there. Matthew smiled at some of his stories from class. He understood why the teachers didn't like the albino.

Soon they were at his house and he was getting out of the car.

"Thanks for the ride guys." Before Ludwig could respond Gilbert spoke up.

"No problem. See you tomorrow, Mattie."

"Yeah, see you guys tomorrow." He waved as their car drove away the way it came.

He stared walking to his house thinking. Around this time yesterday he was walking the same steps very confused about what was going on. He was still a little confused, but this time it was a good thing. Things seemed to be looking up for once, even if the feeling from before were still lingering and causing confusion.

* * *

><p>AN: I thought I was taking too long for time to pass in the story, so I made a long chapter to fix it! ^.^ I just didn't want to take multiple chapter for just this to happen. I didn't get to where I originally planned to stop, but this is still pretty long so... yeah.

I don't know if this law is the same other place, but where I live you can get your license early under special circumstances. I don't know the entire list of reasons, but I went to middle school with a girl who could legally drive because the people she was living with couldn't.

Also, the self-injury topic will come up a lot as it is a reoccurring theme, so if you ever have any questions about it feel free to ask.

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing; it means a lot. And a special thanks to everyone who has ever corrected any of the times I used a foreign language.


	12. Chapter 12

Matthew opened the door to his home slowly, and walked inside. The click of the door when he closed it echoed throughout the house. He stopped in the entryway for a moment.

"Hello…" He paused waiting for a response. No one responded; he was home alone.

It wasn't too surprising. Francis had been staying at the restaurant later, and Arthur only occasionally was home when he got to the house. After missing all of work after lunch, he probably had to stay later. He didn't think Alfred had any afterschool activities. He was pretty sure he didn't have any sports going on. Even if there was, the school was pretty laid back sports wise and didn't have too many practices.

He sighed and continued into the house. Alfred was probably hanging out with friends for a bit. He would be back soon. They weren't doing anything big since Al didn't ask for money.

He walked into his room, and threw his backpack in his desk before walking over to his bed and plopping down on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment. It had been another long day. It just seemed like his life was getting more hectic by the day. At least now it was a good thing. Soon everything would calm down; he would get used to having friends, and hang out with them after school just like Alfred. He smiled a little. The whole thing made him feel better.

He sighed and looked at the ceiling some more as boredom took over. He turned his head to the side to look at his backpack. He supposed he could get started on homework, but there really wasn't too much he had to do, and he really didn't want to do it. What kind of person was already doing their homework this early after school was over? _People without any real friends…_

He made a sound that sounded similar to a growl as he sat up and put the palms of his hands against his eyes. Stupid. That was so stupid. Why did he think that? He had friends now, friends that actually liked him. _…but do they really know you?_ He couldn't help but ask himself as he moved his hands to the back of his neck and looked at the floor.

_They do know me, and they like me for who I am._ His mind still convinced him otherwise. He only talked to them for an hour at most. Average people like them don't observe enough to really know him. He let out a breath trying to calm his mind. _Gilbert knows me. We talked a lot, and he still remembers me. _The thought made him feel a little better.

His thoughts started turning better. He wasn't hanging out with anyone because he only met them today and Gilbert the day before. If they didn't want to be his friend, they wouldn't have talked to him after school. If it was all some cruel joke, they wouldn't have given him a ride home.

He sat up slowly and ran a hand through his hair. He really needed to stop thinking like that, but no matter how much he told himself that, he still did. He just couldn't help it. He had that mindset for so long; it would take time to change it. He wished time would go faster. If he didn't lighten up his previous thoughts he could have done something bad, and his arm was starting to heal up well.

He glanced back up at his backpack. Maybe homework wasn't a bad idea.

* * *

><p>The ride back to the Beilschmidt home had become quiet after Matthew had been dropped off. It wasn't an awkward quiet, but it was unusual for the two brothers never were silent around each other that long. It made Ludwig feel a little uneasy.<p>

Gilbert was staring out his window on the passenger side deep in thought. He thought about many useless things, but his mind kept returning to that blond Canadian. It was nice to see him doing so much better in such little time. He had a nice smile, and it was nice to be able to see it. Gilbert furrowed his brows at where his thoughts were turning. _It's just because I'm glad to see him doing better._ He passed it off quickly and let his thoughts continue, but they constantly drifted back to the blond.

Ludwig glanced at his older brother only for his eyes to be met with the back of Gilbert's head. Usually the albino was rambling on and on about some sort of nonsense. Today he was just staring out the window deep in thought. It struck Ludwig as odd because his brother would never stare out the window quietly when driving. He never seemed to find enjoyment in watching the world pass by. It only served to make him more restless.

"Gilbert…" Gilbert turned just enough to peer at Ludwig through the corners of his eyes.

"Huh?" Ludwig took a moment to map out his words in his head, unused to conversations on the emotional side.

"Are you okay?" Gilbert turned more to better look at his brother. He was confused for a moment at the simple question.

"Yeah, I was just thinking."

"About what?" Gilbert averted his eyes remembering his thoughts about Matthew.

"Nothing." Ludwig raised an eyebrow at the other.

"If you end up breaking anything…"

Gilbert exclaimed exasperated, "Do you really think I'm plotting something every time I stop to think? Maybe I was having an intellectual epiphany. Every thought of that?"

Ludwig was quiet for a moment surprised at how defensive his brother got. He knew it meant Gilbert didn't want to talk about it, and he shouldn't dwell too much. The other usually got that way when discussing family issues.

Gilbert sighed quietly where his younger brother couldn't hear and leaned his head to get a small glance out the window. He didn't know why he got defensive. It just sort of came out that way. It was probably just a reflex when talking about feelings. He laughed dryly in his head. _Looks like I did inherit something from dad's side of the family._

After realizing Ludwig wasn't going to say anything else, Gilbert decided he should say something. He didn't want to end the conversation with his harsh words and possibly start an argument with his brother. As much as he loved to irk him, he really didn't want to be in an ongoing fight.

"Hey, West, I really am fine."

"Just don't think about it too much." Gilbert realized the other thought he was thinking about their mom or possibly their grandpa.

"I shouldn't have accused you of something right away like that, either." Now Gilbert was sure his brother thought his thoughts were more of their grandpa, though he never could think about him without his mind wandering to their mom. He knew Ludwig said to drop it and not think of it anymore, even though it wasn't on his mind before, but he could help but let his mind wander. He remembered his mom's pale blond hair as he let himself surf through memories quietly the rest of the ride home.

When they pulled up to the house both brothers took notice of the car in the driveway. Gilbert inwardly groaned. And he thought his day was going to be a good one. It started off on a good note too, especially after finding out how Matthew was doing…

His thoughts started to drift off, but he quickly bought himself back to the current moment and got out of the car with Ludwig. He started going through his mind to see if he did anything wrong recently. He hadn't been to the office in a while, and he didn't get caught the last time he skipped class. _Maybe it won't be so bad._

He knew deep down he was overreacting a bit. His grandfather did care about his well-being and never meant any wrong, but Gilbert couldn't seem to ever care about those things. The old man could probably do anything and it wouldn't change Gilbert's opinion of him. He could win a noble peace price or save children from a burning building, but Gilbert still wouldn't like the stoic man.

He followed his brother in the house as usual and went to the kitchen planning to get a snack. He opened the fridge and grabbed a random soda to drink.

"How was school?" A German-accented voice asked from the next doorway to the kitchen. The voice held a scratchy quality signaling the old age of the speaker.

Ludwig answered explaining how his day was fine, and the test he had was easy before proceeded to go upstairs to start homework.

Gilbert could tell his grandfather was looking at him without even turning around. He didn't say anything; he just wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He felt bad about it sometimes. He didn't hate him, but he never liked him per say. It was an awkward relationship.

He was very much like Gilbert's dad. The resemblance was uncanny really. They had the same blond hair, the same eyes, and that stoic Beilschmeidt expression. The main difference between the two men was their feelings about Gilbert's mom.

The Beilschmeidt family had always been organized, stick to the rules kind of people. It was similar to how one would perceive a military family to be. They were all very respectful of each other and very down to earth. Gilbert's father inherited all those traits.

Imagine his family's reaction when he bought back a loud, outgoing person, with lots of character and personality. Needless to say, Gilbert's grandfather was not amused with who his son had taken a liking too. The girl was a troublemaker and seemed to have no sense of responsibility. He told his son this from the beginning, but it didn't change his feelings.

Overtime to couple became close. Gilbert's grandfather overcame his dislike for the girl a little. He still did not approve of his son's choice, but knew there was nothing he could do. He didn't make any more hurtful comments about the girl, but it was easy to tell his dislike towards her.

Years past and the two got married. Not long after, they had their first son, Gilbert. The albino always smiled remembering his parents when he was young. He obviously took after his mother. He was loud and full of personality. When he got older it was easy to see he also had a knack for getting into trouble.

When they visited his grandpa it was easy to see he wasn't fond of that kind of behavior in his grandson. To him the boy seemed disrespectful, and it didn't help that the mother would laugh at his antics causing her husband to smile. It was the one reason the grandfather held his tongue, though; his son was happy. That was what really mattered. He would try to get used to his now crazy family, but he never really had the chance.

Not long after Gilbert was born, Ludwig followed. The difference between the boys was at a point where it was almost funny. Ludwig was quiet and reserved from the moment he was born, obviously taking after his father. His parents thought it was cute to see Gilbert dragging Ludwig around trying to get him to be part of his crazy antics.

It was obvious the grandfather preferred the way Ludwig acted to Gilbert. He was more used to the reserved personality. He found it a little odd how close the brothers were because they were so different. He guessed it was a good thing because they bought out the best in each other. From that moment on he liked Gilbert a little more than before, but they would never get over that awkward strain in their relationship.

Like most people, Gilbert's family only visited their grandpa occasionally so it would take a lot more time to become comfortable. But it still become harder with time because Gilbert knew his grandfather disliked his mother when he was older. He had always been close to his mom since he was a baby. It was the person he was closest with, and he loved her. In his mind, he would even go as far to say he was a full out momma's boy. He couldn't deny it; it was true. He loved his mom. He liked his family, and loved his brother. He never was fond of visiting grandpa, but he would suck it up. He was content with his life and thought everything was great.

Then the crash happened. Gilbert will always remember it: going to the hospital, holding Ludwig, even the pictures of what the car looked like after the crash. It was horrible. The vehicle was destroyed. He had the pictures somewhere. He kept copies of most of the pictures from the report. They were locked away somewhere because he couldn't even get himself to look at them. _Stupid car. Stupid, stupid cars._

He had trouble with cars for a while after the incident. As much as he wanted to see his parents again, he didn't want to go like they did. It was a sad time for him. His best friend was gone and all he could do was cry and hope it was a dream. On top of that, he had to live with the person who always disliked his best friend.

He got in a lot of trouble after the incident, too. He refused to listen to anything his grandpa said. He had convinced himself that the old man was happy, that he was glad she was gone. He knew it wasn't true and that he just didn't openly show his sadness, but it felt good to blame someone.

Ludwig handled it a lot better than Gilbert. He was very close to his father so it still hit him hard, but he was able to recover much faster. He also had better control over his emotions. He was sad, but wouldn't break down like his brother. He was there to calm Gilbert down in those moments when Gilbert let out all his anger at the world and then cried.

Nothing like that had happened in a long while. He always would get a little depressed when thinking about his parents. He spent the majority of his childhood with them, and would feel abandoned when his thoughts went there. He wouldn't let anyone talk to him about it, and still tried to avoid it at all costs. The only person who could really bring it up was Ludwig since he lost the same thing, and sometimes his grandfather, but the subject was always touchy with him. Gilbert still felt that his grandfather disliked him because he reminded him of his mother sometimes. It probably wasn't true, but he couldn't help his feelings.

"Did you hear anything I said?" His grandfather's voice came from next to him bringing Gilbert out of his thoughts.

"Huh? I zoned out a little, no." The older man looked like he was going to say something, but stopped himself and sighed quietly.

"And how was your day?"

Gilbert replied fast, "fine." His grandfather shifted his weight.

"And how is school going?" Gilbert still didn't move from his spot.

"As good as school could go." The older blond gave him a stern look.

"How are you doing in your classes?" Gilbert tensed a little. _Shit._

"Good. I'm doing good." The blond pulled a paper out of his pocket, unfolded it, and showed Gilbert.

"Do you consider this good?" Gilbert took a glance at the paper. It was his last French test, his failing French test at that. He didn't do too well in his grades last quarter, so he should have expected the old man to try to keep up with how he was doing even with his busy schedule.

"It's not my fault the stupid school makes me take French or Spanish! I'd be doing fine if they offered German!" He didn't know why he yelled. It just happened. He always felt on a lower scale when around his grandpa.

"Why can't you just study like –."

"Like Ludwig? I wonder why everyone can't be _just like him_!"

"Gilbert you know that's not what I –."

"You know what? I don't care what you think! Go ahead and think of me as a failure because I don't care!" He turned and made his way up the stairs quickly, stomping his feat loudly with each step.

His grandfather took a deep breath to calm his own anger before slowly following after.

Gilbert slammed his door and kicked the walled next to it. He threw a few things across the room angrily before sitting down on his down and opening his dresser drawer next to it. He peered inside to look at an old family picture he kept there. He didn't notice he started crying until he was having trouble seeing the photograph through his bleared vision.

"Why'd it have to happen?" He whispered the words slowly as he put his head and his hands. He gripped his hair tightly.

"Dammit!" he yelled as he laid back and punched the bed. He stared at the ceiling trying to calm himself. He could hear faint muffling outside his room.

His grandpa was outside about to knock when Ludwig came out of his room across the hall.

"He was thinking about her today." The older man turned to look at his grandson.

"What?"

"He was thinking about them." He nodded towards Gilbert's door. The older sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"That boy…" he muttered quietly to himself. He took one more look at Gilbert's room before retreating down the stairs.

Ludwig looked at his brother's door for a few more minutes deciding he would give him some time before checking on him.

Gilbert let out a shaky breath as he heard the retreating footsteps. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He hated when people had to see him so weak. It wasn't awesome.

He lay there a few more moments staring at the ceiling to calm himself. After a few moments he felt better, but not enough to get up. His mind started wondering to earlier thoughts.

He couldn't help with wonder if Matthew ever had fights with his parents like this. He seemed too nice, but he had fight in him. He didn't know why he was wondering that, but his thoughts kept getting filled more and more with the indigo eyed boy.

* * *

><p>Words were yelled across the dinner table.<p>

"That is totally unfair!"

"Is most certainly is not! You need to learn that you can't pick fights with people like that!"

"But he was doing bad things! He deserved it!"

Matthew smiled lightly from his spot at the table. Turned out Alfred wasn't hanging out with friends today; he had detention after school. Apparently he punched someone and started a fight. He claimed they were bullying someone, but it was more than likely a misunderstanding. They were probably joking with friends or someone called someone else a name and got punched by a blond with a hero complex.

The yelling started to die down as usual. Things like this weren't an uncommon occurrence in the house. Alfred had a personality that screamed to be free. He never could stay in one place long and always felt the need to break the mold.

It would start with an incident. Proceed with Arthur scolding Alfred. Then, depending on what it was, it might have a few yelling sentences before leaving Alfred pouting. Because Arthur had grounded the American, he was now at the pouting stage.

Matthew never fully understood the pouting. He never really did it when he didn't get his way, but then he also wasn't one to fight for it like Al. He still thought his brother looked funny like that though – sitting there with his arms crossed and his lip protruding slightly. He knew his Papa felt the same way about the whole ordeal, too.

"So, Mathieu, how was your day?" Everyone at the table turned to look at him waiting for what he would say. His parents just seemed interested to know, but Alfred seemed to be trying to read something deeper in him.

"It was great," he responded nonchalantly despite meaning his words. Francis cracked a small smile at his words.

"That's great to hear, lad." Matthew gave an uneasy smile noticing his twin still looking at him. Alfred stared at him a few more seconds before turning back to his plate. His brother seemed to be telling the truth, but that obviously meant it wasn't good before… what happened so great today? He felt like he was missing something big, but he just couldn't figure it out. At least Mattie was happy; that's all that mattered anyways.

Simple talk resumed at the table as they all continued eating. Francis didn't add his thoughts as much as he normally would. His mind was occupied elsewhere.

Lately he couldn't stop thinking about the blades the albino had found in Matthew's room. Though he felt the other would come talk to him if anything was wrong, something didn't seem right about it. Why would he have those there in the first place? He thought back to what Gilbert had told him. His son sitting across from him wouldn't do that. It just didn't make sense.

He found his eyes trailing his son's arms anyways. There was nothing to see but the sleeves of his favorite red hoodie. He wasn't acting like he did something like that… but then again, how would he know exactly how those people act? None of it was making sense. There had to be a reason those blades were there.

Matthew looked up feeling the other looking at him, and gave a shy smile. Francis smiled back before turning to his own food. There had to be a perfectly good reason why they were there. He just knew it.

* * *

><p>Ludwig stood in front of his brother's door and took a deep breath. Gilbert had been in there for a while, so he supposed he had calmed down a bit. He opened the door and knocked at the same time entering the room.<p>

Gilbert looked up from his spot on the bed to glance at who came in. After a quick glance he turned back to his opened textbook and homework he was doing.

"East?" Gilbert paused and looked up at his brother again.

"Hey, West." Ludwig sat down in Gilbert's desk chair backwards so he could lean on it.

"How are you doing?" Gilbert answered hastily.

"Fine. Why do you ask?"

"I heard you earlier." The room was silent for a moment.

"…sorry." Ludwig sighed.

"You don't need to apologize. But how are you holding up?" Gilbert turned to sit on the edge of the bed and dangle his feet.

"Okay, I just needed to breath for a moment." Ludwig nodded understanding his older brother's words.

"What are you doing?" He nodded towards the papers on the bed. Gilbert turned to look at the papers acknowledging them before responded quietly, "homework."

Ludwig raised an eyebrow. Gilbert usually waited until the last minute to finish any homework. Gilbert saw his question look and gave a small chuckle.

"I know what you're thinking, but good-for-nothings don't do homework." The blond looked at his brother sadly.

"You don't have to prove anything to show you aren't a good-for-nothing." Gilbert gave a dry smile.

"I know, but sometimes I just feel…" He looked down. It was hard to describe.

"I understand." Luckily, his brother knew what he would say if he could find words and understood how he felt about it all.

"You going to be okay?" Gilbert nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna finish my homework and stuff. I'll talk to you later." Ludwig nodded again before getting up.

"Okay, bruder."

Gilbert stood up and stretched his arms after Ludwig left. He felt much better than earlier. He hadn't had a breakdown like that in a long time. At least his younger brother could cheer him up a little.

He walked over to Gilbird's cage and peered inside at the bird cleaning its feathers.

"Hey, bud, don't think I forgot about you today." He opened the cage and Gilbert flew out and around Gilbert's head a few times tweeting.

Gilbert chuckled and then leaned back watching his bird fly about. He took a glance at his homework and bit his lip. He wasn't really just a misfit mess-up, but sometimes he felt that was how others saw him.

He stood there thinking for a few moments. Gilbird came and settled into his hair after tiring from flying about the room. Maybe Ludwig was right. He helped Mattie, and a good-for-nothing doesn't do things like that. He smiled a little thinking of the blond. He seemed to be doing so much better in one day. He seemed genuinely happy, and that smile…

Gilbert ran a hand through his head deciding maybe he should get back to his homework. He didn't want to end up with a tutor for his grades. He had trouble concentrating, but he managed to get it done. It was surprising. He never finished his work so efficiently before.

He stretched and decided he should get something to eat before heading to bed. He was drained after everything that happened earlier, and he wanted to be able to at least get out of bed tomorrow morning for school.

* * *

><p>AN: Francis starts to think and we get a better look at Gilbert. Not too shabby for something so rushed. I originally was going to make Gilbert really normal, but he is too awesome to be normal… so now he gets to be messed up a little too.

I really am sorry for the lateness. I could go on and on about how I had to stay I my aunt's a few days and about school and personal life stuff, but I'll keep it short. A lot had come up in the past few weeks and just hasn't left time for writing. I'm terribly sorry about it because I know it's been about three weeks.

Now would be the time to say, updates will be less frequent. School is killing me right now, and we only just started. Plus my mom is trying to get me into some volunteering thing that I really don't want to do -.- So… I'll be trying to update as fast as possible, but expect every two week more often than not. I can't really write at school this year, but I think I could get a chapter done over the weekends, and then when I have days off I'll try to work ahead.

Thank to everyone who reviewed! You guys deserve something awesome (or at least something better than my recent lateness ^^') I love you all!


	13. Chapter 13

Ludwig was hurrying around his room getting dressed. He had woken up a tad later than usual, and he was trying to catch up to usual schedule. He liked being punctual, and he only had just enough time in the morning to get everything that needed to be done done.

After getting dressed he made his way across the hall to Gilbert's room. He always attempted to wake Gilbert up at least once before eating breakfast. He paused outside the door. He hoped Gilbert wasn't still hung up about yesterday. He sometimes could end up dwelling on those things too long since he tried his best not to even think about them on a normal basis.

He opened the door expecting to see the sheets thrown everywhere and his older brother asleep like a rock tangled in what sheets were left on the bed. Instead he was met with a neatly fixed bed and an empty room.

Ludwig stared for a moment in confusion. He couldn't even remember the last time he saw that bed even close to orderly, much less completely fixed pillows and all. Then his mind wondered to the next thing out of place. _Where is Gilbert?_

He walked down the stairs slowly pondering everything. He wondered about the state of his brother's room. He pondered the idea that he had snuck off somewhere after last night, but knew it probably wasn't true. He had a pretty good idea what it was.

His thoughts were proved correct when he entered the kitchen.

Gilbert was sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him. He was in pajama pants in a t-shirt, but his hair was combed down. His feet were up on the chair pushing his knees against him as he sat close to the table. He held a spoon in his hand lazily and tapped it against his bowl lightly as he stared into space.

"Bruder?"

Gilbert shook his head in short quick movements as Ludwig's voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned his head to get a look at his brother. He gave the other a funny lopsided grin.

"Hey West."

Ludwig furrowed his brows at the albino. His eyes had seemed so tired when they look at him, and they lacked that curious mischievous glint that was purely Gilbert. He observed the other slowly before deciding it was a bad decision for him to go to bed after their discussion the previous night. He probably had dreamed about what happened.

"Gilbert, what are you doing up?"

"I wanted to eat some breakfast before getting ready for school." Gilbert looked at his bowl of cereal as if the soggying of the pieces into the milk was the most interesting thing ever. He knew the other expected a bunch of horrible things to have happened to him, but it wasn't the case.

He did dream about the crash, but this time the dream was different. Usually he was watching the crash happen, he was in the car with his parents sitting next to his mom, or, even worse, he was the one driving the car that got in the wreck with them and had to watch the life leave their eyes. He shuddered at the thought. No, it wasn't like that. He actually hadn't had one of those dreams in a long time.

In this dream he was driving the car into his parent's. He couldn't see them, but he recognized their car. He couldn't move; it scared him. Then he saw someone in his passenger's seat. Matthew was there. He didn't remember it all. He was sure words were spoken, but he couldn't remember them. All he could remember was the strong feeling he had to save the other when he saw him in the car with him. Then he could move and maneuver the car so as not to hit the one his parents were in. Something after that happened, but he couldn't remember for the life of him. He never could remember his dreams.

He had groaned when he woke up. He was even starting to dream about the kid. At least they didn't hit his parents.

"East?" Gilbert shook his head.

"Huh?"

"You zoned out on me." Ludwig gave him a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

Gilbert gave a jittery laugh. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You aren't acting like yourself." Gilbert looked down and spoke in a quieter tone.

"Maybe that's a good thing." Ludwig looked like he was about to say something before the other spoke up again. "I need to get dressed."

Gilbert stood up making a low screeching sound with the chair before leaving the room. Ludwig wouldn't understand. He was good, did things right, and gave a reason for others to be proud of him; Gilbert just didn't. He was just some sort up mess-up. He played pranks, skipped school, got bad grades, and everything parents would be ashamed of. He liked it; that was who he was… but it made him a failure of sorts. Of course if he couldn't do it right, then it was some sort of joke. And of course he couldn't do anything up to anyone's standards. It was… disheartening. It was dismaying to know people looked down on him because he wasn't good enough, because he didn't live up to their standards. If only he was someone else. That's what they all say.

It was hard for him to describe, even to himself. It was an odd feeling, and he was tired of it. Why the hell was he never good enough? Even his friends would criticize his antics at times, some more than others, but they'd all do it occasionally. Thus is the life of a screw-up.

Ludwig watched his brother leave. He really didn't know what to do. He was never good with feelings, something he strongly inherited from his father, and Gilbert was just a hurricane of deeper emotions. It was something about him no one really had the chance to see, but it was there, and it was saddening.

He knew what Gilbert was doing. He was going through one of his fazes. He would attempt to be the perfect person, the child every parent could only wish to have. He would forget about his happiness and interests and try to be what he perceived others to think of as good.

As much as his brother's antics annoyed him, he hated seeing him like this. He was forcing himself to be someone he wasn't because he thought people looked down on him. Without someone like his mom around to show it was okay, it made it seem to him like his personality was a bad thing.

Ludwig sighed and continued getting ready for the day. Something like this hasn't happened to Gilbert in a long time, but to Ludwig it seemed like he was having a bad week.

* * *

><p>Gilbert looked at himself in the mirror and scowled. He decided against wearing a t-shirt and his usual style jeans today. Only delinquents wear those thing… only delinquents who can't do anything right. He attempted to wear a polo, but he found the sight sickening. It wasn't him. He didn't belong in something like that and he felt far from comfortable.<p>

He ran a hand through his hair angrily and gripped it. He glared at his reflection. His red eyes just glared back at him with as much force. Those eyes, those stupid, stupid eyes. Some people thought they were like a devil. He had demon eyes to match his sinful personality.

He leaned closer to the mirror still glaring with a frown. He didn't really believe anything was wrong with his personality deep down. So what if he was energetic and spoke his mind? But it didn't matter how he felt deep down. After a while, the words of others just got to him.

He leaned back and stared at his whole reflection. His eyes focused on the shirt. It really didn't fit him.

"Fucking shit," he cursed under his breath. This wasn't working. He went back into his room and changed into something more comfortable.

After dragging on a nicer t-shirt and throwing the polo angrily across the room, he checked his bag to get ready to go. Once he was sure he was ready, he stopped by Gilbird's cage and peered inside.

"Hey, bud." The bird's beady eyes looked back at his master hearing the sad laced words.

Gilbert opened the cage and took a step back. The bird still sat there for a moment used to his usual schedule where he was only let out later in the day. Once he realized the wire door was opened, he flew out and started gliding across the room happy for the chance to stretch his wings.

Gilbert sat back and watched. His bird was flying at a slower leisurely pace than his usual excited speed. He watched his bird for a few minutes before deciding he needed to go.

He let Gilbird continue gliding about the room as he left and closed the door behind him. He would leave the bird out today. He normally felt bad about keeping the thing locked up. He knew he wouldn't like it.

He decided someone, even a bird, shouldn't have to be caged where they should feel the most free and safe.

Soon the two brothers found themselves in the car on the way to school. The car was silent, but the silence was loud speaking with unspoken words. Both of the teens heads were full of thoughts and words.

Gilbert was a little tense about getting in the car after his dream. This did not go unnoticed by Ludwig. He was worried about his younger brother. Despite their obvious personality clash, they were very close. After the incident Gilbert cared for Ludwig more than anything, partially because they were family and partially just for the fact that he didn't want the other to disappear too and leave him alone. Those few years after the crash bought them very close together, and they still were.

He glanced to the passenger seat to get a look at Gilbert. The albino was looking out the widow with furrowed eyebrows. His mouth was a line and his whole composure seemed listless. Ludwig could tell he was uncomfortable. He never liked seeing his brother hate himself like this. It was something an outgoing person like that shouldn't have to deal with.

He turned back to focus more on the approaching school. Maybe being at school would be a good distraction for him.

* * *

><p>Matthew awoke from a good night's sleep at the sound of his alarm. He sat up and stretched. He felt so alive. He couldn't remember the last time he slept this good. And sleeping like this two days in a row? It was just euphoria.<p>

He attempted to tam his messy hair with his hands as he grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans to wear. He changed quickly and stretched some more still half asleep. His eyes focused on his hoodie while he had his hands intertwined in the air stretching his arms. He would wait to put it on. It had been hot the last few days. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy wearing the hoodie and the comforts it gave him, but sometimes it could get stuffy wearing it especially in the high humidity the area had been having recently.

He walked to the bathroom quickly in almost a run. He didn't want anyone to catch a glimpse of his injuries if they were up and about.

Once safely inside with the door locked, he took off his bandages and inspected his cuts. They were healing nicely since he hadn't created any new ones recently. He almost didn't even have to replace the wrappings, but he did anyways just in case.

After rewrapping his healing arm, he finished getting ready then headed downstairs to get some breakfast.

He felt good today. It seemed foreign, but he liked it. He leaned against the counter with a small smile and checked the time.

He quickly did a double take of the numbers displayed on the screen. That couldn't be right. If it was true the bus would be leaving soon. As much as he wanted to think otherwise, he knew it was true.

He quickly pulled on shoes, grabbed his hoodie and his backpack, and ran out the door. He pulled his arms through the red sleeves of his hoodie wearing it half on while carrying the backpack on his back.

He picked up speed when he saw the other teens boarding his bus. _I can make it. I can make it._ For once luck was on his side. He stepped onto the metal steps of the bus right as the driver was closing the door. He sat down quickly in a seat by the front with a sigh to catch his breath. It had been a while since he had to run and actually _made_ it.

After taking a moment to get his breathing back to normal, he turned to view the heads of everyone else on the almost full bus. He scanned the crowd in search of Alfred. He wondered if the blond had made it to the bus. It wouldn't be a little surprising if he slept in and skipped, but not unheard of. It would be more likely that he had already boarded especially since they usually didn't leave the house together and Matthew was usually the first one up.

Just as he thought, he caught a glimpse of a cowlick that could only belong to his brother. He was talking animatedly with a smaller brown headed boy that was listening politely to the other.

Matthew turned back around in his seat and pulled the rest of his hoodie on. He made himself comfortable and took to looking out the window as usual.

He kept changing his posture. He just couldn't sit still. He was too excited to sit there and reflect on nothing as he normally did. He was going to school where he would meet up with _friends_, with people who actually liked him and paid attention with him. He had yet to get used to the idea and the thought was still exciting.

When the bus stopped he exited first with an unnoticeable bounce to his step. He started heading towards his locker to gather his books for his morning classes secretly hoping to get the chance to talk with Gilbert.

* * *

><p>Feliciano looked at Gilbert with confusion. He was walking with Lovino down the hallway looking for Ludwig. When he caught a glimpse of him he saw Gilbert standing next to him looking rather downcast.<p>

"Ve~! Hi Ludwig!" Ludwig cracked a small smile at the other.

"Guten Morgen, Feliciano… Lovino." Lovino scowled back.

"Potato bastard." He looked at Gilbert who was looking at the scene but didn't seem to really be paying any attention.

"Potato bastard number two." Gilbert stiffened at his words. _Number two… Number two… I'm not even good enough for my own insult now? Do I really even suck at sucking?_

Lovino looked at the other with slight surprise. It was not the reaction he was expecting out of the other. No joking? No comebacks? It was very unlike Gilbert, he didn't know how to respond himself. Feliciano looked at the other sadly knowing something was wrong by the pitying look Ludwig gave his brother.

"Gilberto, is something wrong?" Gilbert's eyes focused a little and turned to see Feliciano's worried expression. _He is wasting his good time._

"It's okay, Feli. You don't need to worry about me." He took that moment to make his leave and head to homeroom early. He just didn't want to talk to anyone today. He knew he was being selfish to the others and that didn't deserve to be treated so coldly. He knew right now they were probably discussing his differences. He could practically imagine what they were saying. _He is being less loud. He is being calm. _Heck, maybe they were saying he was being _good. _He knew Lovino was probably saying he was being less of a bastard.

He passed Antonio on his way to homeroom, but didn't acknowledge him. He really didn't want to talk to anyone. He just needed some time to clear his head and think about things on his own. He knew everyone would understand it. He hadn't had a moment like this in a long time, but they knew that it was best to let him be until it all past over. No one was ever able to say anything to snap him out of it in the past.

Elizaveta noticed Gilbert's change of behavior in homeroom. She attempted conversation once, but decided to let him be afterwards. It was easy to tell his thoughts were jumbled and talking wasn't helping it. She knew he was going through one of those trying to be perfect phases. She actually thought he had gotten past this a long time ago, but apparently those feeling were still there. Something must have triggered it. There had to be something that made him feel insignificant or in a great need to please.

She had a feeling what it was, but didn't think something that small could cause this. Maybe a bunch of stuff happened at once along with this? She couldn't exactly sure, but if Gilbert wasn't feeling any better soon she would have to talk to him. He can't snap back to this always trying to please people over small things especially after all this time.

Gilbert knew Elizaveta was worried about him. He didn't understand why. It was better like this. Once he stopped being a pussy about acting better, he would be able to talk more. He was just being sour about not being able to be the person he wanted. His thoughts did nothing to make him feel any better.

He was glad when the bell rang signaling first period. It felt awkward sitting next to someone he knew was worrying about him. He felt they just didn't understand it. None of them could make him better because none of them knew what it was like.

* * *

><p>Matthew was in a good mood as he walked to his second period class. He didn't see Gilbert in the morning, and it caused some bad feelings for a few moments. He was thinking he would be friendless again and that everything about them being friends wasn't true, but he got over it fast. He knew he just hadn't seen the other. It wasn't a small school after all.<p>

He was glad he had a class with Gilbert. That meant he could see him at least once a day no matter once, and they even sat next to each other. He didn't know why he was always so glad to see Gilbert. He usually put it off to the fact he was one of his only friends, but the same joy wasn't there when he talked to the other members of the lunch table. He was happy to see them too of course, but the happiness he got when seeing Gilbert was different. He put it off to the fact that Gilbert was the reason he was still alive and continued on to second period.

He walked into the almost full classroom quietly – he hadn't broken the habit of leaving class last and still was one of the last students to arrive most periods. He walked just as silently to the back of the class and sat in his seat next to Gilbert. He glanced at Gilbert and saw him digging through his backpack taken out supplies for class. He never thought of Gilbert as a studious person, and couldn't remember him taken notes before, but maybe he had just forgotten his notebook yesterday.

He sat there quietly for a moment watching Gilbert subtly. Did the other still remember him? Did he know he was there? Maybe he just didn't want to talk to him today…

Matthew decided he was just being stupid. Gilbert was getting ready for class of course he wouldn't say anything. The Canadian shifted in his seat nervously trying to muster the courage to speak first. He usually waited for someone else to speak to him first before talking to someone. He never liked when he talked and nobody noticed.

While gathering his courage and trying to ignore his anxiety about talking he noticed a few things different about Gilbert. He seemed tired. Actually, he seemed completely out of it as if he wasn't all there. _Is he sick?_

"H-hi Gilbert." Gilbert turned his head quickly to see who had spoken seeing Matthew looking at him shyly and a little embarrassed. Gilbert paused for a moment when he saw Matthew, but he quickly recovered.

"Hey, Matt." He gave a smile to the other who seemed to relax a bit at the other responding.

"A-are you sick? You don't look like you feel well." Gilbert smiled at the other. Truthfully, he was starting to feel a little better all of a sudden.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired."

"O-oh, did you have trouble sleeping?" Gilbert leaned back in his chair ignoring the better posture he was supposed to be having since he was trying to be 'good.'

"Nah, but I had this really weird dream."

"What was it?" Gilbert flashed the other a mischievous grin.

"You were in it." Just the mention of being in another's dream caused Matthew to blush instantly, a look Gilbert secretly enjoyed. Gilbert waited a moment mentally chuckling at the other's reaction before continuing.

"We were driving in a car, and you helped me not get into a crash." The mischievous glint in his eyes turned into something softer. Matthew smile back shyly.

"That sounds nice." Matthew turned to face the front of the class when the teacher started talking. Gilbert turned slowing muttering, "yeah," softly under his breath.

Despite his original plan to take awesome notes in class like the perfect straight-A student he was attempting to be, he only ended up doodling random pictures all over the page. Not that he minded. His plans about becoming what other people found acceptable were completely forgotten after talking with Matthew.

He turned his head and looked at the blond taking some final notes as the teacher finished up. He had this look of concentration on his face as he wrote that amused Gilbert to no end. The other turned to him suddenly unaccustomed to the feeling of someone looking at him.

Matthew paused when his eyes met Gilbert's and he mouthed, "What," at the other's look. Gilbert just smiled and shook his head signaling nothing as he turned back to the teacher who was saying something about homework.

Not long after, the bell rang signifying the end of class. Gilbert slung his backpack on his shoulder and sat on his desk as he watched Matthew pack his bags.

"You don't have to wait for me you know." Gilbert just rolled his eyes at the other.

"We're friends, and we're heading in the same direction." Matthew stood up and fixed his glasses.

"Yeah, but-" Gilbert cut him off.

"But you should be glad I'm gracing you with my awesome presence." Matthew just laughed at the other's antics as they started walking to their next classes together chatting happily with each other.

When they were almost to the hall where they went their separate ways, Gilbert spoke up changing the subject.

"Hey, at lunch meet me in front of the cafeteria again, okay?"

"Okay, but I packed my lunch today."

"Me too, so it all works out. We'll I'll see you them." Matthew smiled at the other stopping Gilbert from turning around as he looked at the other.

"Bye Gilbert."

Gilbert chuckled to himself as he started heading to his own class. It was hard to believe the person smiling _that_ smile had tried to end their life mere days before. The thought almost made him sad, but then the image of Matthew's smile came back to him, of the happiness shown in those indigo eyes. It had only been days and he already seemed to be doing so much better.

* * *

><p>Matthew left his fourth period class immediately after the bell making himself one of the first students to leave. He wanted to get to the cafeteria fast for lunch, but he had to stop by his locker and grab his lunch first.<p>

He maneuvered the hallways with a speed and precision he only ever showed when playing hockey, skillfully avoiding the other students that were walking toward the cafeteria. He was much more excited for lunch today than the day before. He was still a little nervous, but his excitement helped mask it. He was just too happy to let nerves get in the way of him having a good lunch with his _friends._

He smiled to himself at the thought as he unlocked his locker. It was still a little weird for him, but he was really starting to accept it to be true. He had friends, real friends that actually remembered him, not just for passing moments but on a constant basis. He knew it took them a moment to really process who he was, with the exception of Gilbert, but he didn't mind. The fact the he was remembered and liked for who he was was enough to make up for the few awkward seconds after a greeting.

He made it to the cafeteria entrance before the second bell even rung. He felt a little awkward at first realizing how quickly he came. Why did he want to get here so fast? He thought about it as he watched the other students file into the cafeteria.

A few minutes later in what felt much longer to the Canadian, Gilbert came walking fast down the hallway.

"Man, you got here early! Just couldn't wait to see my awesomeness, huh?" Gilbert playfully smirked at the blond. Matthew felt his cheeks heat up at the other's words. He tried to think of a response, but only ended up stuttering fast.

"Uh, I, umm, it, uh, I-it's lunch." His face grew read at his response, and he gave a shy smile to Gilbert hoping he would forget about his awkwardness. He just wasn't completely used to Gilbert's joking yet.

Gilbert felt a grin creep into his face at the other's reaction.

"So it is." Matthew felt himself become even more embarrassed under the other's amused gaze. "You must really like lunch to skedaddle down here so fast."

"Uh… I-it's delicious?" Gilbert laughed, and a shy smile was added to Matthew's embarrassed and nervous expression.

"Man, you are just too cute." Matthew's eyes widened as he processes the other's words.

"Wha–" He didn't get the chance to finish before Gilbert through an arm over his shoulder and started steering him towards the lunch room.

"Let's not just stand here! We need to go eat lunch!" He smirked down at the other. "Especially if you love lunch so much."

He laughed at the other's expression as he led him towards the lunch table.

* * *

><p>AN: We learn more about Gilbert, and Mattie is a pretty happy dude.

Hope ya'll liked the chapter.

In other unrelated news: it rained today! I just wanted to share that since it is a pretty big deal where I am. I live near where some those wildfires you probably haven't heard of have been going on in Texas. So I wanted to share my happiness about the rain today with you. ^.^

Have a good day... night... whenever you are reading this. :)


	14. Chapter 14

They say art is a form of expression, a way to get emotions out when you can't say them. Matthew always supposed those words were true. He used art as an escapist activity. He could lose himself in his work and just forget about the world around him. He could forget about being forgotten and ignored; he could forget about having no friends.

That is how he usually spent his art class. He sat in the back, got the assignment, and then proceeded to lose himself in his work where only the noise of his fellow students leaving brought him back to the world. He liked it that way. It was a relaxing moment in his day where he could just think and draw.

He sat down in his usual seat in art class by the window getting ready for the new assignment the teacher would give them if he was there. He tended to be absent quite a bit, so the students would have days to work on their own art pieces.

He had gotten their early since his class before was close by and allowed his mind to wander. He thought about the previous lunch period he had earlier.

It was a really good period. He was starting to believe lunch would be his favorite part of the day. It already was in the top three after art and the one class he had with Gilbert. It could pass up art once everyone got used to him and he them. He still felt a little nervous around all of them, but his nerves were feeling better. He knew some of them had trouble remembering his name at first sight, but he was able to put it off as them not having learned it yet and think about how at least he was remembered.

Everyone was as lively and talkative as the day before, and this time Matthew felt more of an initiative to join in and add his thoughts every so often. He kept mostly to conversation with Gilbert since he still felt most comfortable around him, but he was slowly opening up to everyone else.

One thing stood out to him when they arrived at lunch, though, and he kept thinking back to. When they arrived there was a shared look given towards Gilbert. Ludwig seemed to observe his brother carefully while Feliciano looked on with a worried expression. Even though Matthew had just met the brunette, he could tell the Italian always showed his emotions openly; that was easily seen in his expression towards Gilbert when they arrived.

Matthew didn't understand why they were so worried about Gilbert. He seemed fine and his usual cocky self. He supposed that something did happen this morning, but Gilbert had just gotten over it. That or he was hiding his true feelings, but Matthew highly doubted it. He felt that he would be able to tell if something was bothering the other. To Matthew it seemed as if he had just forgotten about it.

His thoughts seemed to be proven at least partially true by the expression held by Ludwig and Feliciano when Gilbert had first spoken about how much awesomer the table now was. Feliciano just seemed happy and grinned turning into his usually optimistic self, while Ludwig looked on a little longer surprised.

The rest of lunch went on as it did the day before, but Matthew's mind kept thinking back to the looks. After a while he noticed Elizaveta glancing at Gilbert every so often as if she was wondering about his behavior. She seemed to accept it after a while, but it only made him question more. He considered the possibility that the two got into another fight, but it escalated farther than usual. He had decided it was probably some drama between them. After observing others from the sidelines for so long, he realized drama and little fights were just a part of high school.

He was broken out of his thoughts by a loud, energetic voice.

"Matteo!" Matthew visibly jumped in his seat at the sound of Feliciano's voice. He suddenly became more conscience of his stance and everything he was saying with the Italian's wide eyes on him.

"H-hi Feliciano. How a-are you?" Feliciano grinned widely and sat next to him.

"Ve~! I'm doing great!" Matthew listened to Feliciano ramble for a few minutes before seeing the substitute teacher walk in. He sighed realizing it would just be another free draw class before taking out his supplies. After getting ready for some sketching he turned back into the conversation with Feliciano ready to add his own words to it.

"It was nice to see that you were able to cheer up Gilbert today." Matthew stopped what he was doing and looked at the Italian.

"What?"

Feliciano punctuated his words with pencil strokes as he responded, "Gilbert. He was not himself today, but when he came to lunch you had already cheered him up and made him happy! No one has ever been able to do that to Gilbert when he gets like that!"

Matthew looked at the other for a moment processing his words. _Gilbert wasn't… himself?_ At first it didn't seem quite right, but it made sense as he thought back to when he had first seen Gilbert in the morning. The other had seemed out of it, a little depressed even if he were to put a word to it. It seemed unlike Gilbert to act like that, but he knew good and well there was always more to people than what they showed.

It made sense, but the knowledge only added question in his mind: Why was Gilbert so upset? And what did he do to make the cocky albino feel better? Matthew couldn't quench his bubbling curiosity for a deeper understanding of his friend in the recesses of his mind.

"Why was Gilbert so upset this morning?" Feliciano perked up at the not stuttered question then took on a concentrated face.

"Well… I'm not entirely sure. He never really likes to talk about it, and it's happened before a long time ago…"

"So… he just shuts down?" Feliciano shrugged his shoulders.

"Pretty much. For some reason he just… gets upset with himself I guess, and tries to fix it. He usually gets over it himself after a little while, but you were able to cheer him up!" Feliciano finished with a smile only thinking about the positive.

Matthew furrowed his brows. _…but I didn't do anything._

"How were you able to do it?" Feliciano had gone back to sketching and started swinging his feet back and forth. Matthew paused at the question. He really didn't know.

"N-nothing. He seemed a little off when I f-first saw him, but he was fine after I started talking with him. I don't think I did anything…" Feliciano grinned.

"Maybe that was just enough to cheer him up." Matthew still looked confused, but decided to accept it anyways. All that mattered was that Gilbert was fine now anyways.

"I suppose…" Feliciano glanced at the Canadian with a knowing glint in his eye. People usually said he was unperceptive, but there were some things that he was perceptive about. The real reason why Gilbert was cheered up so easily was one of them.

Matthew went back to his own sketching for the rest of class pondering what he had been told. Maybe he would find out later.

* * *

><p>"Don't lie Gilbert. There's no need to be embarrassed." Gilbert seethed at his friend's overly happy voice. She had been bugging him all through last period, and now, even that class was over, she still wouldn't let it go. At first he could understand why she would come to that conclusion, but the fact that she wouldn't drop it no matter how many times he denied her words was frankly starting to get on his last nerve.<p>

"Just drop it already, Liz! I've already told you I don't like him like that!" Elizaveta was completely unfazed by his outburst, and continued trying to get him to admit his feelings for Matthew, weather he knew they existed or not.

Gilbert picked up his speed slightly in the crowed hall in a small effort to lose the other teen. Elizaveta took a few large steps to catch back up before continuing.

"Oh come on. You were all depressed this morning, but after talking with Matthew you were completely fine. How do you explain that?" She looked at him expectantly wanting him to give up already.

"I got over it by lunch. It was just a morning thing, okay?" He didn't completely believe his own words, and it could easily be heard by the lack of annoyance in his voice. It really didn't make much sense when he thought about it. He just… forgot about everything that was bugging him before when he started talking with Matthew.

Elizaveta smirked at the look on the albino's face. She could tell she had planted a seed in his brain, and he was starting to think about it. She inwardly grinned. _I so knew it._ She spoke up happily breaking Gilbert's train of thought.

"So when are you going to ask him out?" Gilbert gaped at her surprised, not expecting her question.

"You're joking." Elizaveta tried to surpress her grin as she took on a serious demeanor.

"I don't joke about these things, and you have to be the one to ask him out because it's weird if a shy uke does it. So when are you going to _ask him out?"_

"Verdammt! I already told you I don't like him like that! It's a Friday. Can't you just let me enjoy me two days away from this hell hole." Elizaveta was about to say how he could be enjoying so much more if he would stop being a hardhead about his feelings, but was cut off by Gilbert after he saw Matthew down the hall at his locker.

Gilbert stopped and turned around to face her. "As lovely and completely _not_ annoying this conversation is, I have more awesome things to attend to."

Gilbert mock bowed bofore heading off to talk to Matthew. Elizaveta just shook her head wondering why she hung out with such an idiot.

She took one last look at Matthew and Gilbert before going down a separate hall to her own locker. She really did think they would make a cute couple, and she would take it upon herself to help it happen if it came down to it. Gilbert really was an idiot for not being able to tell by now.

Matthew went to his locker in a good mood. It was the end of the day on a Friday, and he felt good all day. It was an odd feeling, the happiness. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this good about life for this long. He smiled thinking about how he would probably have to get used to it. As things were looking, it seemed like happy days were ahead.

_But will it really last? _He frowned at the thought. It made his chest clench tightly just imagining all his newly aquatinted friends forgetting him. It wasn't an unjustified fear. Similar things had happened before. He had become close to people over a short amount of time, and in the same time span later, was completely forgotten.

He shook his head in small movements trying to rid himself of those thoughts and convince himself that nothing bad would happen.

_They won't forget. They'll remember. They'll remember. They're your friends. They just can't forget you. They'll remember. You won't be alone. They'll remember. They'll –_

"Hey Mattie." The Canadian's thoughts were cut off by the bang of someone leaning against a locker and the sound of a now familiar voice.

Matthew looked up to see Gilbert leaning against the locker next to him with a smile. He couldn't help but have his lips twitch up into their own small smile at seeing the other.

"H-hey Gil." Gilbert smirked and raised his eyebrows.

"Gil? Not the best nickname, I'd prefer something more like King of Awesome, but it's still good if you feel the need to shorten my awesome name."

Matthew blushed realizing what he said and looked down at his backpack trying to hide his embarrassment as he packed up the last few book he would need to the weekend.

Gilbert tilted his head still smirking to get a better look at Matthew face. He chuckled at the large blush that made its way on the blonde's face. Matthew closed his locker, and looked at him still embarrassed.

"S-s-sorry." Gilbert's smirk fell slightly at the other's words. _Did he really think I was being serious._

"Nah, dude, it's okay. I was just joking with you." Gilbert lightly punched Matthew's arm. "Besides, I call you Mattie all the time."

Matthew smiled at the albino. It wasn't the entire reason he was embarrassed. He just still wasn't used to all the friendly joking and friendliness in general.

Upon seeing that Matthew was feeling better, Gilbert continued talking.

"We should hang out today." Matthew almost stopped walking with surprise but was able to suppress the urge. He really shouldn't be surprised that Gilbert wanted to hang out. They were friends after all.

"W-what do you have in mind?" Gilbert stopped and looked deep in thought. Matthew stopped walking as well to watch the other with a smile.

"I have absolutely no idea… but we really should hang out this weekend. You can just come over and hang or something."

"I thought you said today…" Gilbert gave Matthew a look and shrugged.

"We can hang out today and this weekend. I've got nothing to do… unless you're busy?" Matthew quickly shook his head.

"N-no, I'm not busy." He started fiddling with the bottom seams of his hoodie. "I was just wondering."

"Awesome… well I guess we should drop our bags off at home then meet up somewhere."

"Where exactly?" Gilbert thought for a moment.

"Well, I remember where you house is from yesterday so I'll just meet you there after I drop my stuff off, then we can find something to do."

"Alright, sounds good." Gilbert quickly made his goodbyes complaining about how West would leave him if he took too long.

Matthew just smiled and slowly made his way back home. Everything was turning out good. The fear of being forgotten again was hiding in the back of his mind. He could worry about that stuff later right now he wanted to focus about having fun and hanging out with a friend.

* * *

><p>AN: First off, sorry for the late chapter and it being shorter than usual. I've been busy with engineering, model UN, and general school stuff. You've probably heard all the excuses before.

I know the quality of the actual content in parts of this chapter are a little lacking, but it's more of a transition chapter. If this fic was split into parts, the next part would be the start of part two so prepare for that because things should start to pick up again.

Also, I plan on having a friend Beta the chapters after this one, so you will no longer have to deal with my grammar mistakes and typos. Hooray!

In other fun news: I'm going to oni-con this weekend! I plan on cosplaying fem!Canada if I can put together a costume in the next few days, but I'm very happy about it. XD So I'll be the odd looking Canada walking around with Nel all day.

Last but not least, a big thanks to all the people following this story and reviewing it. Especially to Mayflowerxxx on deviantart. I was not expecting to get a message there, and it really inspired me to try to find more time to write. I even started writing it on paper at school to get it done. (which is kind of wierd, but it works)

I love you guys so much, and will try to update soon!


	15. Chapter 15

Matthew paced around his room impatiently. Two hours had passed since he arrived home, and Gilbert still hadn't come. He was starting to think his friend wouldn't be coming at all. He was starting to think that the albino… forgot him.

He ran a hand through his hair in a jittery motion. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. The last few days had been great. He had felt normal, _better_, like none of the depression and self-injury had happened; as if he had never really tried to die.

He was an idiot for thinking that. It was all just some sort of sick joke life played on him. It gave him a taste of what a happy life should be like just to take it away from him. He hadn't really made any friends. It was just an illusion to distract him from the loneliness for a while. None of it was real.

They were just being nice and putting up with him. None of them were really his friends. He should have seen this coming. They had already completely forgotten him. Something bigger and better came up, and they just forgot about him. Soon it would be like he never even existed in their lives.

He gripped his hair tighter with both hands as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He started mumbling and shaking his head in unison.

"It's not true. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it." He paused his moving and took a deep, shaky breath trying to clear his thoughts.

_It's not that bad, Matthew. He said this weekend. Something might have came up, and he couldn't come._

His thoughts calmed him down a little. Gilbert was just late; after school didn't mean right away. He probably had some errand to run, chores to do, or something before he came.

Matthew took a deep breath and let it out. Everything would be fine. He wasn't going to be alone and invisible again. He just needed to wait a little bit longer. He decided that he needed to get his mind of everything by doing something.

The Canadian soon found himself in the game room with a remote in hand playing one of Alfred's games. He tried to lose himself in the first-person shooter game he randomly stuffed in the gaming system. It worked for a short while, but soon he put too much concentration into the game.

He imagined the enemies he shot down as himself, every bullet meant for him.

Bang. _Damn, a miss. I'll have to endure the pain a little long._ Bang. _In the leg, and I was so close to that artery too. _Bang. _A bullet in the stomach._

He stopped his shooting to watch the other soldier slowly die. _That must be a painful death._ Once the wounded soldier died he continued his raid.

Bang. _A miss._ Bang. _Another miss._ Bang. _Headshot. Instant kill. Painless death._

Matthew let out a shaky breath as if he could feel the bullet tearing through his skull, going in one end and out the next splattering the insides of his head over the couch behind him. He lost himself in the feeling. It was amazing, the feeling of dying, even if it was all fantasy.

He was bought out of his thoughts by the game over screen popping up over his game casting a brighter light throughout the room – his player had been shot down while he was lost in his thoughts. He stared at the game over screen a moment and at the blinking words selected to play again.

_Did I really just do that? _

The fact he just went through an entire round pretending to die over and over left an unsettling feeling in his stomach. It was an unnerving feeling. It was something that only insane people did… but why did he feel like hitting play again?

He threw his remote and curled up into a ball. _Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine._ Why did he pick a shooter game? He should have picked a completely mindless game, but, no, he chose a strategy game that involved killing people. He was such an idiot.

After a few moment of calming himself down, he lifted his head slowly. He needed something different to play, something mindless and harmless. He scanned the games quickly before grabbing the case for Mario kart.

_Mario Kart is mindless, completely harmless. Nothing in Mario Kart can trigger._

He sat back down against the couch satisfied with his choice, preparing to play for a while. He selected one of the baby characters and quickly started a game.

* * *

><p>Alfred walked into the house humming quietly to himself. It was Friday, and he was ready for a relaxing night. He dropped his bag by the door and stretched his arms above his head with a groan. He didn't have any plans for the night, so could just hang around the house. He chuckled. <em>Hadn't had a free Friday night in a while.<em>

After grabbing a quick snack from the pantry, he noticed the noise coming from upstairs. He would recognize that song anywhere. A grin broke out on his face. _Mattie is playing the Gamecube. _He quickly made his way up the stairs.

He usually would have to bug his twin to play games with him, but if Mattie was already playing, he couldn't say no. The logic was perfect in his mind. With an open scheduled Friday he could stay up late having a gaming marathon with his bro.

They hadn't had one of those in a long time. His steps slowed on the stairs as a realization came to him. He hadn't really spent much time at all with his Canadian twin recently. The most they had talked recently had to be the day after Mattie ran out on their dad.

He paused near the top of the stairs listening to the sounds coming from the game room. He was convinced his brother was better, but he hadn't really had the chance to talk to him. How could he be so sure?

The blond let his mind wonder for a moment. He couldn't shake of the bad feeling, this uneasy feeling deep in his gut. Something just wasn't right. He was sure of it now, and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

The teen continued the rest of the way to the game room at his normal pace. Before reaching the door his signature grin was plastered to his face ready to greet his younger brother.

"Hey, Mattie!" Matthew turned to look at the person greeting him from the door.

Alfred took in everything about his twin immediately. The look in Mattie's eyes… It was like he was about the cry. _Unshed tears._ Alfred fought the urge to narrow his eyes at his realization. He didn't want his brother to know what he was doing. Matthew always hated when Alfred butted into his life when they were younger. The older of the two was sure Mattie would still feel that way. Not to mention, Alfred seemed to overreact about most things, probably the reason Matthew didn't like him butting in during their younger years. He was aware of that quality about himself, but something just seemed different this time.

He was so deep in thought he almost missed his brother's greeting of, "Hey. How are you?"

Alfred threw himself onto the couch behind his brother with a leap and move around as if attacking an invisible monster while attempting to situate himself for a few moments. Matthew cracked a small smile at his brother's antics. When Alfred got comfortable lying on the couch using a pillow as an armrest, he responded to his brother's previous question.

"I'm doing okay. What about you, bro?" It only took a second before Matthew responded automatically, "I'm fine."

Alfred hummed watching his brother finish off a course in Mario kart. He took another glance at Mattie. His emotion didn't change much from when he was driving to when he won first place. Alfred found it a bit odd: if it was himself, he would be jumping about cheering. He knew his little bro wasn't as energetic, but shouldn't he be showing a bit of happiness at his victory? Alfred decided he should take his twin's mood into his own hands.

"Bro, let's play a two-player game." Matthew turned around resting his arm on the couch behind him, giving himself a better view of his brother.

"Like what?" Matthew's voice was small but visibly curious. Alfred grinned and sat up quickly. He knew he was going to regret saying it, but he was positive it would cheer Mattie up.

"NHL 12." He saw Matthew's eye light up a little bit at the suggestion.

"You sure you want to play, Al. I don't think you've had enough practice to put up a decent competition," Matthew's voice was teasing but not as light as it usual was when he was happy. Alfred responded by throwing a pillow a his brother.

"Oh, shut up. Just because you're good at actual hockey doesn't mean you rock at all the video games too." Matthew just grinned, setting up to Xbox for the game.

"Dude, Mattie, Matt, Broski." Mathew turned around to give his brother a look at the names he was being called.

"What?" Alfred gave a grin at the annoyed tone his brother was using.

"We should do a tournament! All-nighter, yeah!" Alfred was overflowing with happiness at his idea. It would be so much fun.

Matthew bit his lip and looked at the remote thinking. If they did that, then he might be in the middle of a game when Gilbert comes.

Alfred looked at his brother. He was expecting the Canadian to be all over his idea, but instead the younger twin was just sitting there.

"Uh… Matt?" Alfred voice was soft and quieter than usual, "We don't have to play if you don't want too."

The younger blond looked up at that and responded in a fast voice, "N-no Al, I want to play! It's just that… well I was planning on hanging out with a friend today…" Matthew's voice slowly trailed off.

Alfred cocked an eyebrow at the other's words. Well this was new. His brother never really was one to socialize much. He supposed it was good his bro was finally getting out of the house more, but… he couldn't help but think back to the look in Matthew's eyes when he first walked in.

Alfred gathered his thoughts to find something to say back to his twin. "Well… when are you leaving? Maybe we can get a few games in."

Matthew seemed to shrink in on himself at his brother's harmless words. Alfred had to strain to hear his brother's quiet voice as he mumbled, "He was supposed to be here after school."

Alfred stared at his brother. _Did Mattie… Did Mattie just get stood up?_ He tightened his grip on the remote and cursed whoever was supposed to meet up with his bro. _That bastard._

Despite his inner anger towards the person who supposedly hurt his little brother, he spoke to Matthew in a soft voice in an attempt to be reassuring.

"I'm sure he's just late or something. Got held up at home you know? Dad does that to me some times; it's no big deal."

Matthew relaxed a little at Alfred's words. He had a point. Who knows what Gilbert could be doing right now? He continued thinking as he browsed through teams looking for one of his favorites to be. He knew it was a little narcissistic, but he couldn't shake of the feeling that Gilbert would try to make it known if he suddenly couldn't come. He didn't seem like one who would listen to his parents anyways. All directions of Matthew's thoughts led to being forgotten, but he still hung onto the hope that Gilbert would just be late.

* * *

><p>A few games later of Matthew crushing Alfred in the hockey based videogame, the twins were bounding down the stairs hearing the call of dinner.<p>

Dinner started off quieter than usual. Alfred talked less and kept stealing glances at Matthew. He had to see if his brother was feeling any better. After a few minutes, he started up conversation as usual beginning to talk about his day.

Matthew ate his food quietly half-listening to the conversations of his family. Even though Alfred had distracted him earlier, all of his fears were returning to him. _I'm eating supper, and Gilbert never showed up._ He moved the food on his plate around a bit frowning before taking a bite. It was a horrible feeling, akin to falling, falling but never reaching the bottom, just getting darker.

Francis was also quieter than usual. He was staring across the table at his son. His thoughts wondered back to being in the car and the razors Gilbert showed him. He couldn't get it out his head. They belonged to Matthew. Well, Matthew was in possession of them, so he supposed they were his son's. Why would someone ask him to hold onto to a pair of razors anyways?

Then there was what Gilbert had said, the albino's suspicions about why the blades were there in the first place. It was such a horrible thought. His son wouldn't do that. He didn't even think his son could… hurt himself. Francis took another good look at Matthew taking his entire appearance in.

The French man furrowed his brow. Matthew seemed sad. Something had to be bothering him. _Isn't depression a sign of self-injury?_ Francis chewed on the inside of his cheek. Non, it couldn't be. Matthew isn't that sad, he must have just had a bad day.

He continued to reassure himself, but the thoughts remained. _Why did he have the blades in the first place?_

Francis was broken out of his thoughts by the escalating voices of Arthur and Alfred. He was so lost in his thoughts that their rising voices were a bit of a surprise, but not much since they tended to disagree more than not. He quickly switched his attention back to the main conversation at the table. From what he understood Alfred had done something or another that had angered Arthur. He soon figured out it was just a bit of trouble at school that ended in a detention. With the fight still escalating Francis decided it was best he butt in.

He addressed Arthur in a calm smooth tongue, "Don't you think you are being a bit hard on him, mon cher? You were much more troublesome when you were his age."

The words seemed to do magic quieting the fight. Matthew listened a little more attentively noticing the change in atmosphere.

All the anger in Arthur's face was drained and replaced with something more solemn. His eyes found themselves locked with the azure of his husband's. Francis found himself wondering if he shouldn't have mentioned Arthur's younger years once he had a look at his now tranquil husband. He didn't have much time before the Brit spoke in a somewhat distant voice.

"Letting him do such things now can only lead to worse things later… Besides… what I did was different."

The words floated around the air amongst the family. It was odd, sitting there, hearing words such as those coming from Arthur. Despite not always showing how he feels properly, the Englishman always seemed to be full of some strong emotion; something that only served to make his tranquility odder.

Dinner continued on with much more subdued chatter. Alfred didn't want to say anything else. At first when he heard Francis mention that his dad had been a trouble maker, he planned to crack a few jokes. He could tell that would be the wrong thing to do now.

Matthew watched the entire scene with little interest. He thought his family was made up of a bunch of dramatics. It was no wonder he was so easily overlooked. It was as if they were in a constant fight for attention. He couldn't help but think they should be on some reality TV show with all the other attention seekers of the world.

It was obvious he was in a bitter mood from being forgotten once again. When he realized where his mood was coming from, he regretted his earlier thoughts. It wasn't his family's fault that they were so… energetic, and that he was just, well, not.

Most people would enjoy having dinners with their families, spending that little bit of time with them every day. Hell, some people wished their families were more like Matthew's when it came to their dinner habits. The realization only prodded at the pain inside Matthew more. Why wasn't he like anyone else?

It was like he was some abnormal creature walking the planet looking for love and friendship only to find the feelings he was looking for were only found within the same species, and the rest of his kind was nowhere to be found. He was starting to accept it. He was different in a horrible unflattering way with no hope of ever changing. Things would be better if a monstrosity like him didn't even exist at all.

He was so lost in his despair he barely registered Arthur leaving the table mumbling the excuse of being done. Francis quickly followed Arthur into the kitchen determined to bring up his husband's mood. Matthew soon realized he was sitting at the table alone. One coherent thought hit his mind – _when did Alfred leave? – _before he was filled with a feeling of utter abandonment.

Once again was he alone and forgotten in the world. _Empty. _The word floated around him. Yes, that was what it could be called, emptiness. He was see-through and empty like a plastic tub aware container; useless if not filled, and only serving to take up valuable space in its unused state. Without ever being filled, it was best to take it out of the cabinet and throw it out, especially if it was as broken with cracks as he was.

His hands formed two tight fists on the table as he stared down at his plate. Why did it have to be this way? Why was he the one living life as an empty container? His hands shook. He wanted the cry, but no tears would fall. He knew, oh he knew well, that he should be bawling with feelings such as these overflowing within him, but, yet, not a single tear fell. His eyes didn't even water.

He couldn't take it, all this numbness. It hurt. Oh, it hurt, feeling like a stranger everywhere. That's why no one gave him half a mind, right? They just viewed him as some stranger… or maybe they didn't see him at all.

He tightened his fists more before rising from his seat and heading to his room.

_So painful… School, home, school, home, walking the streets… it hurts. _He would never understand it. Why did no one like him? In reality, no one besides his family gave him half a mind. They had some sort of platonic obligation to at least pretend to care about him in those few moments he was remembered, those few moments he fought so long for attention they noticed their partly invisible family member, those few moments before their attention was diverted elsewhere. Other than those moments he never held the attention of anyone else: not teachers, not fellow students, and not even strangers.

_But then there's Gilbert…_ Gilbert was the one person that broke the evident flow everyone else had always followed. The albino had noticed Matthew and even went out of his way to look for the blond when he had run out of the house earlier in the week. Since that day it was as if Gilbert had cared about him. It was as if the other teen was trying to show Matthew the brighter side of life: friends, fun, hanging out. It had been working… but what about today? Now, it was as if Gilbert was returning to the flow along with all the hope he gave to the young Canadian teen.

Matthew slowed his steps near the top of the stairs suddenly feeling listless. Whether his feelings or previous thoughts the cause, he didn't know, nor did he care much. He continued the way to his room now very tired. He didn't bother to turn on the lights instead moving through the darkness.

He made his way slowly to his bed and laid down on it not bothering to undo any of the covers – he just didn't have the energy. As he lay there in the dark, thousands of thoughts soared through his head a mile a minute, but one coherent thought stood out in his mind before he drifted to sleep:

_What about Gilbert?_

* * *

><p>AN: I didn't get as far as I wanted time wise this chapter, but I just thought the ending was perfect. Besides a lot of stuff went down, so I think it turned out okay.

Sorry again for the late chapter! If you want to hear my excuses I made an update earlier this month in my profile, but I'm sure ya'll have heard it all before. I plan on getting back on track with a normal updating schedule once spring hits full swing and all the craziness of life slows down for a short period of time.

On another note, I hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Consider this a late Christmas present (and if you don't celebrate Christmas, it's a random gift because I love you).

I really do want to thank you guys, though, for all the reviews, alerts, and just reading and enjoying this. Also, a special thanks to all the people who have given me tips to improve my writing. It has helped so much, and I can really tell the difference between the first chapter and now. Thanks to all you guys, and I'll talk to you soon.


	16. Chapter 16

Matthew opened his eyes slowly in confusion. A soft light coming from his window blinded him momentarily as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes. He propped himself up on one elbow, and scratched his head taking a look around the room. He was lying on top of his bed still in the clothes he wore the day before. He stretched for a moment curling his toes.

He felt groggy; probably due to the fact he didn't shower or brush his teeth after school or dinner. It might have been the fact that he slept in his jeans and hoodie, or maybe it was the fact he hadn't changed his bandages in a while. Whatever the reason, he couldn't care.

He just fell back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He didn't feel like doing anything: not getting up, not changing; he didn't feel like thinking either, but his mind would never grant him that sort of peace. He sank deeper into depressing thoughts, eventually pausing to list all the reasons other people had not to like him.

He broke out of his thoughts rubbing his feet together. His feet were cold. Suddenly he became quite restless lying there. The bed was uncomfortable. His bandages were itchy. His hair felt greasy and in desperate need of a brush – though it looked fine, but one day without his usual good hygiene, and he felt nasty, just dirty.

He sat all the way up with a groan peering at the window. He took note that the sun was much higher in the sky than he was used to seeing upon first waking up, even for a Saturday. He must've been laying there for a while. He was too lazy to check the time, instead he moved slowly to get up and head to the bathroom after grabbing a quick change of clothes.

Once in the bathroom, he locked the door behind him and took a good look in the mirror. He didn't like what he saw. It was disgusting, horrifying, even… lifeless. He glared at his face reflected in the mirror, putting all his frustrations in the glare, feeling a hatred form in the pit of his stomach. He blamed it all on the thing in the mirror… himself. After a few moments, his hand rose to meet his reflection and began tracing the outlines of his face on the glass. _If I were more handsome, would people notice me more?_

A deep itching began to form inside of him, a desire he knew all too well. Oh, how he wanted it; how he needed to do it, but he could not. He promised he wouldn't hurt himself; he promised himself that he wouldn't cut. He couldn't give in now, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how it would make him feel better.

He quickly stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the shower. Deep down in the recesses of him mind, he thought that maybe the shower water could wash away all the bad feelings. Maybe it could wash away his impurities, making him talented and pleasing to the eye so that people would notice him. Maybe, just maybe, it could wash away his curse of invisibility.

Matthew was a practical person, and knew it was impossible. Things like that didn't happen in real life, much less to him, but that didn't mean he couldn't pretend. He stood under the flow of the water, head leaning back, pretending. He was a good pretender. It helped him get through the day – he could always imagine himself in a better place, sometimes one in which he was remembered, loved, and even popular. At times like this, the obscure talent helped him relax. It was like he could feel everything bad sliding down his body and sinking into the drain to never come back.

He was awoken from his daydream at a very real sagging feeling on his arm. He opened his eyes slowly, turning his head to the side instead of straight up so as the keep the hair out of his eyes. The bandages on his arm had loosened a significant amount and were attempting to slide down his arm with the rest of the water gliding down his body. It wasn't too surprising that the wrappings were coming undone since he didn't wrap them well when he originally put them on. What was surprising, at least a little bit, was that he didn't take them off before showering. He usually took much better care of himself, but not today. Today he just found himself caring less. He sighed and began unwrapping the soaked bandages.

_Might as well do it now; besides the water might help take away the sting. _

His thoughts were proven true as the bandages slowly came off without the usual burn of the cuts being pulled at. He dropped the soiled bandaged on the shower floor with a small splash as he began to examine his arm.

It was an interesting sight. From the faint glow in the shower he could make out all the scars crisscrossing the surface of his arm. Many of them were faded, but some still contained scabs that had yet to completely heal, though there were fewer of those than he was used to seeing. He hadn't cut since the day he planned to kill himself. His previous depression was hidden under a thin layer of pride beginning to make itself noticed. He hadn't cut in nearly a week; it was something to be prideful about.

As he began to wash himself, a soft, barely noticeable smile made its way onto his face. He had come such a long way. He let out a sad chuckle at the thought – _Almost a week without cutting is a long way._ It was sadly ironic how such a short amount of time could mean so much. It was unsettling how bad the addiction was, or that it was an addiction at all. He glanced at his arm as he turned off the water.

_What kind of monster gets addicted to something like that?_

He knew it was pointless to berate himself that way. He had done his research – normal people get addicted to self-injury, but he always thought they had better reasons. They had something wrong in their lives that caused the pain, that fueled there need. Why did he do it? Because he needed constant attention.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he got dressed – he barely took note that he didn't remember getting out of the shower he was so lost in his thoughts. He glared at his reflection and muttered an insult under his breath, "Attention whore."

He gripped his fists. God, why did he hate himself so much? He needed to get out. He needed to leave. Why did he think it was okay to spend so much time in there? He was never good with mirrors; starring at them too long always led to something bad.

Matthew took a deep breath before numbly heading down the stairs. His Papa always cooked breakfast for the family on weekends. He knew it was late, probably a little past lunch time judging by the sun, but he also knew there would still be food out – Francis usually left some out in a container since Alfred always slept so late.

Matthew was proven correct when he entered the kitchen, more than happy to get the chance to heat up a nice French-styled breakfast. A slow hum soon escaped his throat as he listened to the microwave. He found himself wondering if Alfred was home. The twin usually was out with friends, but there was quite a lot of food left, and judging by the quite in the house, he was either asleep or gone.

He paused his humming. Matthew guessed that also meant his parents went out to get groceries. They always bought groceries on the weekends, and they seldom were quiet, though they did have their quiet moments together like most couples. Matthew dismissed his thoughts at the beep of the microwave. Whether they were here or not didn't affect him.

As he ate alone at the table, he once again found himself thinking back to the events of the week: the planning to die, meeting Gilbert, being forgotten, jumping, being tackled, making friends… only to be forgotten once more. He sat back for a moment.

Gilbert saved him. Gilbert had _saved _him. He never really though much into the meaning of it, but he was alive because one person took notice of him. It never really hit him how much one person could affect the life of another. Just one good deed and the life of one Canadian had been prolonged. Matthew pondered it all for a moment before turning to look out the kitchen window. He believed in Gilbert, he really did. Gilbert would come – he had to come – because Gilbert wouldn't forget a friend.

_Doing that wouldn't be awesome._

Matthew chuckled at his own joke, trying to ignore the unsettling feeling in his stomach. His chuckles died down with a loose end as the unsettling feeling grew. He was getting hopeful again, something he needed to learn not to do. People come and go all the time. He learned it long ago and it didn't bother him. Each time it happened just made letting go easier, but something was different this time. He didn't want to let Gilbert go to become another failed spark of hope in the past. Wanting something like that was bad, dangerous in Matthew's mind, but he couldn't help feeling that way. Besides, he was never one to have good control over his feelings.

Matthew's entire body froze at the sound of the doorbell echoing throughout the house. It was as if he could feel the sound vibrating within his skull. _Dong. Dong. Dong. _One thought surfaced his mind as the initial shock wore off.

_It can't be._

The blond soon found himself sprinting towards the door so fast and erratic that a proper analogy wouldn't fit his actions, but all action stopped when he opened the door to meet the dark eyes of a small Asian boy.

"Hello, Alfred…Oh… Did you do something with your hair?" The boy asked Matthew curiously.

Matthew put on a polite smile. He recognized the boy from school as Kiki, one of Alfred's friends. He was filled with disappointment but didn't let it show. He put on a nice smile despite the aching inside of him and responded in a quiet yet even voice,

"I'm sorry, Kiku. I'm Alfred's brother, M-Matthew." The Asian teen took a moment to let the words sink in before a look of embarrassment filled his face.

"Ah, I am quite sorry, Matthew. You just look so much like Alfred." Matthew tried to be happy with the apology, but he couldn't help but to repeat the words of how much he looked like his brother in his head. No one ever said Alfred looked like him.

"It's oka –" Matthew's words were cut off by a louder voice talking.

"Kiku! Dude, I wasn't expecting you to come by today!" Alfred exclaimed now completely in the doorway.

Matthew soon faded into the background of the conversation as Kiku began to explain how he had bought a new videogame for him and Alfred to try.

A depressing feeling made itself prominent inside Matthew as Alfred exclaimed how Kiku's words were awesome.

_Forgotten again._ The thought sent pangs of misery inside the young Canadian. It wasn't just the fact that he was being completely ignored, but that for some reason he was expecting the person at the door to be for him. He was expecting the person at the door to remember him and pay attention to _him_.

Matthew broke out of his thoughts in surprise as the door closed in front of him. He could see his brother and Kiku walking down the sidewalk through the window now right in front of his face. Was it too much to ask for _that? _For what his brother always had? It wasn't that he wanted to be popular and outgoing. He just wanted a friend, someone. He just didn't want to be alone anymore.

His breathing soon became labored and audible as dark thoughts filled his mind. He couldn't take it, the feelings of despair and loneliness. He just wanted them to stop. Matthew soon found himself sprinting up the stairs in more desperation than earlier. His body was carrying him forward leaving his conscious thoughts back at the door, only fueled by the knowledge that the emptiness could be filled if he reached his room. His room, the place where his greatest secret was kept, the place where he could find his release and make the pain go away. He needed it, and he needed it now.

Matthew's thoughts caught up to him in a flash as he stopped in his doorway as he scanned the room in a flash. The pause of his movements lasted barely a second before he practically dove for the drawers in his desk. He threw open the middle drawer causing the contents to rattle loudly. He started digging inside frantically, moving things around and opening the first aid kit.

"Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?" the words were muttered fast as he panicked in his mind. _Where is it? It should be right here! It wasn't on my desk, so it should be here! _

He slammed the drawer shut and began digging through the top noisily. Something was wrong. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. He took care of that black box more than his own life. He always knew where it was. If it wasn't on his desk, if was with his bandages in the middle drawer. He slammed the next drawer and leaned against his desk breathing heavily. He just couldn't take it.

_Make it go away! Make it go away! _Thoughts of not being real wormed their way into his mind with other depressing thoughts. He bit the side of his hand hoping the small pain could relieve him a bit. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but the small sting in his hand didn't help much: he needed more; he needed blood. He took a deep breath slowly to clear his head before standing up. He could worry about the missing blades later. Right now he needed a different tool, and he knew exactly where to find one.

He took a few breaths to calm himself and ran his fingers threw his hair a few times to fix it before exiting his room. He had to try to look normal when going into the kitchen. There was a chance someone could see him since it was the weekend, and he wasn't in the mood to answer any questions. He just needed to get to the kitchen, grab a knife, and get back upstairs. It was simple; that's what he kept repeating in his mind. There was too much going on in his head to elaborate on the plan if something were to go wrong, though it was probably something he should have thought through.

He bounded down the stairs faster than normal despite the fact he was trying to look outwardly aloof. He just couldn't concentrate the pain was too much. The emptiness was too much. _God, I'm so alone. _He began to turn towards the kitchen quickly at the bottom of the stairs. He didn't make a full turn before he ran into something hard. An accented voice broke him from his trance.

"Ah, Matthieu, you must watch where you are going. No need to be in such a hurry," Francis spoke to him softly with a chuckle.

Matthew's world stopped for a moment as he was taken by surprise. He stared up at his papa as time seemed to slow to the point of freezing. The gears in his head began to turn before the pause could even be noticeable by the adult in front of him.

The Canadian spoke in a quiet voice still trying to reach his goal of getting to the kitchen. "S-sorry Papa. I w-was just hungry."

He gave a shy smile before sidestepping the Frenchman making an escape into the kitchen. Francis stood for a moment as his son began to leave replaying the past few seconds in his head. Something about Matthew just seemed… off. He couldn't quite place it, but he felt something was wrong. His thoughts flashed back to driving the car with his son's albino friend next to him. He could see the teen holding the blades in his mind. He remembered what the teen had said. _"I'm not really Matthew's friend." _The words stuck in his head. He knew Gilbert had been overreacting when he said that, but it had to be true that the two were not exactly close. Gilbert had said they just met. One thing stuck out to Francis when he thought about it. _That kid must have truly believed what he said about the blades to go to all that trouble for someone he knew for such a short amount of time…_

That was all the reason Francis needed to turn around and grab his son's shoulder before he left. He had to know the truth about it.

"Mathieu, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Matthew paused before turning around. He glanced at the kitchen quickly before looking at his papa wondering what the Frenchman could need to say. He hoped he wasn't getting asked a favor, if he said no it would be out of character for him which could lead to getting caught, but all he really wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sit still for a long time. It didn't seem like Francis would be asking a simple favor. His words seemed much more serious. His appearance… He seemed worried. Matthew observed his father as he responded curiously,

"Sure." They stood there silently for a few moments: Matthew waiting for Francis to talk, and Francis not knowing how to start. Francis acted on feeling as usual, but this time he couldn't carry it as his normal outgoing self could. He was unprepared for this conversation. He knew this was a delicate conversation, but was unsure of how to go about it. To break to silence he said the first thing that came to mind.

"How are you?" Matthew stared at his father for a moment slightly surprised by the question. Maybe he read his father's posture wrong, and he really wasn't starting a serious conversation. Then again, the other still looked solemn. Matthew always viewed his papa as a silly person; he probably just hadn't thought through what to say. Nonetheless, Matthew lied through his teeth as he repeated the answer he programmed his brain always to produce.

"I'm fine." The words sat in the air for a moment as the two family members looked each other in the eyes. It wasn't awkward, but more like they shared a quiet internal conversation, told only through body language, a conversation that really didn't say anything at all.

Matthew couldn't take this normality, a normality that happened often when he was younger. His insides didn't feel normal; he most definitely wasn't normal. Simple conversations like this don't happen to abnormal people, and, frankly, he wasn't sure he quite liked it at the moment. His papa was usually so outgoing. _Why can't he find the words to speak? _Matthew spoke again wanting to get away from his conflicting emotions.

"If you don't need anything then I'm just going to…" He motioned to the kitchen as his voice trailed off. He felt like he was being rude, but he just couldn't help it. Of course being around Francis made him feel better, but he still felt the depression from before raging in his mind. The mixture of feelings was nauseating and just too much from him to handle.

Francis seemed to gather his thoughts the moment Matthew spoke up and stopped his son once again.

"Wait! There is something I need to ask you."

Matthew responded politely still feeling bad for trying to leave so rudely, "What is it, Papa?"

"Do… I heard…" Francis knitted his eyebrows together for a moment as he searched for the right words. "Actually, I think it is best I show you."

Matthew was just as confused as he was before, but there was a nagging in the back of his mind that hinted that he should know what was going on. He couldn't place it, but he welcomed the feeling: it took the edge of the mental pain that occupied his mind previously.

Matthew followed Francis through the living room until they reached the master bedroom. The teen noted how much calmer his father was when Francis turned around to direct Matthew, "Stay here a moment while I go get it."

The Canadian pondered over the words for a few moments. _Go get it? What could he be getting that has to do with me?_ Though the answer could vary from small thing to rather inappropriate things, coming from Francis and all, something seemed wrong. Butterflies began to fly in Matthew's stomach as worry settled in. The object had to do with him. It was something serious. What was something he was missing that his father could have? It all clicked at once it Matthew's mind.

_It couldn't be._

His thoughts were proven as his eyes locked with the black box in Francis' hands as he reentered the room. The worry Matthew felt earlier erupted into panic. This couldn't be happening. He had to find a way out. He had to think of a way out. It all came down to how much his papa actually knew. Francis was a lover and cared deeply for people. It wouldn't be hard to fool him. All Matthew had to do was think of something.

Francis opened the box to show the contents as he began speaking. "These were found in your room the other day when you ran off."

The pause as Francis showed his son the contents of the box seemed to last hours for Matthew as he waited to know how much Francis concluded from the blades. _He has to know or at least guess._ Matthew felt stiff as the panic spread through all of his nerves like wildfire.

The pause ended as eye contact was made allowing Matthew to get a direct look at his father's worried gaze.

"Why do you have these, mon fils?"

Matthew wanted to scream the reason. He wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to tell of all the pain he felts, of all his fears and sadness. He wanted someone to know, and he wanted help. He wanted to speak the truth, but he couldn't. Deep down he didn't want anyone to know. If they knew, he couldn't do it anymore. If they knew, he couldn't make it all go away with a little bit of pain. His body responded with a lie as regret from his words made itself known inside him.

"O-oh, I was looking for t-those… There are for th-this project… that I'm doing f-for art." Matthew really did hate lying.

Francis visibly relaxed at his son's words. He knew he was overeacting. The albino teen must've not known Matthew took an art class. Gilbert had said they just met. There was a nagging feeling that something was wrong in the back of the Frenchman's mind, but that was where it was, the back of his mind. He wanted to trust his son and did, so he ignored the idea that what he was told could be a far from the truth. Matthew was never much of a liar anyways. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve when he was younger. That is why Francis felt no regret handing the small box back to his son.

He spoke in a much lighter tone as he addresses his son again. "Ah, well then you probably need these back for class. I had no idea you were looking for them! Tell your Papa next time you lose something like this, oui? They could be dangerous."

Matthew responded quickly and automatically. "Oui, Papa. I just thought I left them in the art room." He gave a crocked smile as he hugged the box against himself subconsciously.

They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Francis excused himself to the kitchen to start cooking dinner, and left with a ruffle of Matthew's shaggy hair. Matthew leaned into the touch, always fond of physical contact, a liking that developed the more he was ignored.

When Francis left the room he stood there for a moment just thinking. _What just happened?_ After a few moments he started to make his way back up the stairs still deep in thought. He had almost been found out. The things he had been so keen on hiding, the things he believed would reveal all his secrets if seen had been found, and, yet, nothing happened. His excuses were not questioned, and he was carrying the blades back to his room. It all seemed like some sort of dream.

He entered the room, and shuffled to his bed to sit cross-legged on it. He set the box in front of his as he ran his fingers over the edges, up and down, back and forth. He still wanted to do it. The temptation to cut was still high, and this time he had the blades to do it. He slid his fingers up the edged slowly and opened the lid.

He could see his distorted reflection in the metal, reflecting like a funhouse mirror. He wanted it, but after Francis seeing them he just couldn't use them. The encounter left an odd feeling in him, or more like an odd mixture of feelings.

He turned to look out his window before slowly falling on his side. Life was confusing. As horrible as he felt his was, it was interesting in a way. He never really knew what was going on, and despite how much he hated being ignored and forgotten, sometimes he really just wished he could disappear. He wished he could just fade away slowly, peacefully. He took a glance at the box as he lay on his side, hair cascaded around his head on the bed. He didn't like how he needed something physical like the blades to stay alive, to stay sane. It was such a horrible way to live.

He always wished for more. His life seemed to be a perpetual downfall, and he was tired of falling. He laid there thinking of how he could be fading into the night, peacefully. His quiet thoughts soon bought him to sleep.

* * *

><p>AN: I'm alive! And I'm back!

Sorry for the lateness. I've been having some trouble with grades (Hgeometry sucks), other school stuff, and engineering (I do a lot of writing for the team). Yeah… so I have to get my geometry grade up or I can't go to competition for engineering, which would really suck since I've done so much work for this one award. (Chairman's if any of you do FIRST)

Sorry for my personal ranting. On the brightside, I have a tutor, and the final draft of my big Sophomore Research Paper is due this week, so that should give me more writing time if I plan everything properly. Not to mention, I already wrote the first page of the next chapter while on retreat, but it still needs to be typed.

I want to thank anyone who has given me technical writing advice. It really has helped.

And a big thanks to everyone who reviewed, and all the people reading. I love ya'll so much.


	17. Chapter 17

Gilbert paced back and forth in his room hurriedly. He was nervous, on edge. The weekend had just seemed too long, way too long. Usually, that would be a good thing, but not this time, not this weekend. He ran a hand through his unusually pale hair and tugged at it a few times. He couldn't stop thinking about Matthew.

_What happened to him? How is he doing?_

"He must hate me." The words were muttered and completed with a swift kick to his bed.

He broke his promise. He fucking told Matthew one thing, one simple thing he would do, and he didn't do it. He knew deep down he shouldn't be beating himself up over it, but he just couldn't help it. He was stuck at home all weekend only able to think about how his new… friend must hate him. The thought of being hated by Matthew… it hurt much more than it should.

If Matthew never forgave him, Gilbert didn't think he could forgive his grandfather, much less himself. His opa chose this weekend, the one he was to spend with Matthew, to ground him because of grades. It wasn't his fault French was so hard. Though the grounding annoyed him, it wasn't that that pushed his nerves the most. It was that fact that he couldn't sneak out like usual.

Any other time he was grounded, he always found a way to get out of the house to attend the latest party, just not this time. His grandpa somehow had nothing to do this weekend and was able to keep a stern eye on him, and if his mutti wasn't watching, Ludwig was. To say he was pissed at Lud was an understatement. He was completely frustrated with his brother.

Gilbert felt a bit betrayed. Weren't brothers supposed to stand up for each other? Apparently, not the Beilschmidt family! Nope, having the younger brother side with the grandpa saying, "It is for your own good," was better. Gilbert seethed at the memory. It wasn't even about _him_. It was about Matthew!

He tried to convince Ludwig that it was for Matthew; that he would be okay with just picking up the teen and dragging him home with them, just as long as he could tell Matthew what was up. But, no, his bastard of a brother didn't even remember his Canadian friend at first, and even after he did, he didn't believe his brother.

Gilbert supposed he could see where Lud was coming from. He may have got caught up in the party scene too much in the past recently. Gilbert sat on the side of his bed with a sigh. He was such an idiot. Why didn't he ask for Mattie's number? It never occurred to him how important it could be. It just never passed his mind. He was always distracted around the Canadian. It was as if his mind was wiped clean when he was with Matthew.

It was a nice feeling, being around Mattie. He always felt calm and just… better. He was able to forget about his problems and just focus on his friend. It reminded him of being with his mom. He paused his thoughts for a moment thinking about his lost mother.

He remembered the events the other day, when he was depressed and angry at himself. When he was little, his mom was able to make him feel better, but after she passed, he just had to get through it on his own. It didn't exactly work well that way. He could hate himself so much. It took time for him to put his head on straight and get back to normal, but this week, it was different.

With Matthew, he could just forget it all. He couldn't feel like a less-than or freak around Matthew. It was hard to explain. It partly had to be the way the blond teen treated him. Matthew always treated him, and basically everyone else, well, equally, and with a kind of respect reserved only people for who are close to each other. Even in his silent manor, Matthew was that way. Gilbert could feel it.

He let out a frustrated groan and fell back on the bed. All those feelings mean nothing now that he threw their friendship out the window! He couldn't bask in the glory only Matthew could give him anymore, because Matthew must hate him. Gilbert knew that was a lie.

Matthew wouldn't hate him. He was too nice for something like that, even Gilbert could tell. It didn't take a genius to figure out how Matthew would act. He would try to hide his disappointment, and act like it didn't matter. He would completely ignore the problem; how he would do that could be anything. And, if confronted he will act like it isn't a big deal. Matthew was just the kind of person to do something like that just for the sake of trying not to cause anyone else trouble.

Gilbert was going to have a long day. He wasn't sure he could take seeing Matthew like that, especially when he caused it. He wouldn't know what to do. He never really hung around people like that. The people he would hang out with were always more outgoing or at least hardheaded. None of them cared about others that way Matthew did. Matthew cared about others so much he didn't even care for himself. It was sad, but he just needed someone else to look after him. There weren't many people that selfless in the world. It was kind of… well Gilbert couldn't exactly place how he felt about it, but he thought it was pretty cool.

The thoughts of Gilbert's friend faded in his mind as his brother threw open the door.

"Gilbert, you need to get up…?" Ludwig's voice faded as he saw that Gilbert was already awake. Not only that, but also dressed and completely ready for school.

Gilbert sat up and gave a subtle glare at his brother – he couldn't muster up the hatred for a full-out glare after thinking about such nice things. Ludwig was unaffected by the stare because of his surprise at finding Gilbert up and ready, enough surprise to inquire his brother as to why.

"Why are you ready?" Gilbert was able to muster up a full-out glare as he stood to face his brother and respond with slight venom in his voice.

"I want to make sure we get to school earlier enough so I can explain to Mattie why I didn't show this weekend. You know, because you wouldn't let me leave the fucking house."

Ludwig didn't have a chance to respond before Gilbert left the room and went down the stairs. He was shocked to say the least. He was convinced all weekend that Gilbert just wanted to get out of the house for popularity's sake, but now he was having second thoughts. Even if meeting with Matthew was important, it wouldn't affect Gilbert that much. The albino just wasn't like that. Gilbert usually would only act this way this long if he truly felt he was being treated unfairly. He was usually able to get over things rather quickly. Ludwig couldn't help but wonder why hanging out with Matthew this weekend was so important.

Gilbert caught his attention from downstairs by shouting with an agitated voice, "And you better hurry today! I am not letting you run late the one day I actually want to get to school early!"

Ludwig sighed and supposed it couldn't hurt leaving a little early today for his brother's sake.

* * *

><p>Matthew woke up slowly and lay staring at the ceiling thinking of nothing. He just wanted to stay there and not move, much like he did the day before, but he had average teenage duties to attend to, that being school. He didn't know why he even went. Sometimes he wished he wasn't such a pushover and could get himself to skip, but he never could. He always felt wrong doing something like that. He supposed it always made himself feel better knowing he was doing some good.<p>

He got up and threw on some clothes without much thought. Something told him he should go to school today. There was a spark of hope deep inside him, he was trying to ignore it, but it was fueling the need to at least see what would happen if he went.

He paused when putting on his hoodie and glanced at his arm. A pang of guilt sparked in his stomach. He had cut. He was doing so well, but he still gave into the urges. Matthew let out a sigh as he draped his over-sized hoodie over him. At least it would heal faster than usual. He couldn't get himself to use the blades so soon after getting them back from Francis. It just didn't feel right, so he opted for using scissors instead. It hurt like hell, but didn't nearly cause as much physical damage.

He ran through his usual morning routine at a sluggish pace, not running into anyone along the way. Soon he found himself walking up to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling up. Even skipping his usual breakfast, he was running late. That would explain why he hadn't seen any members of his family.

Once he boarded the bus, he sat down in the first empty seat he saw near the front. Matthew drowned out the sounds of all the other teens with his thoughts. He pulled out his sketchpad and proceeded to sketch almost at random. The bumpy ride made drawing a bit difficult, but he had good control, and the concentration helped him forget about the world for a little while.

The only reason he registered the bus stopping at its destination was that it was so much easier to make straight pencil strokes. After coming back down to earth, he shoved his things back into his bag and got off the bus. Looking at the crowd of students entering the school, he wondered why he put himself through it. It was irritating having to walk through the crowd.

It wasn't crowds that he didn't like; it was the fact that he wasn't noticed in them. In his mind, he considered himself an attention whore for it, but in reality, shouldn't you get acknowledged when walking about the people you see every day? Shouldn't you get a greeting, a smile, or even a glance? Matthew supposed he was asking for a bit much. They all had more important things probably. They had friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, and who knows who else to talk to. Why would someone stop to talk to a stranger, much less someone as see through and unnoticeable as Matthew?

Matthew's inner questions were answered as he reached his locker. He heard someone call his name. At first he was going to ignore it like usual, but then it hit him. He recognized that voice.

Gilbert.

* * *

><p>Gilbert was tapping his hands on the dashboard impatiently as the school came into sight. He never wanted to get to that building so much in his life. Needless to say, Ludwig may have driven to school a little faster than usual; if not to help his brother, then because Gilbert's restlessness was quite irritating.<p>

Gilbert quickly got out of the car before it came to a complete stop. Ludwig was not amused by his brother's antics. He didn't understand this rash need to see Matthew that Gilbert was having all morning. He questioned it.

"Gilbert, that was dangerous! You need to wait until I stop!" Ludwig gave a glare to his brother. It was like Gilbert didn't care what happened to him sometimes, and that just worried Ludwig.

Gilbert returned Ludwig's glare halfheartedly before responded quickly, "I have to talk to Mattie," before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and running off.

Ludwig watched Gilbert hurrying into school with a sign. He really wondered what went on in Gilbert's head sometimes. It never made much sense to him. He locked the car door with another small sigh. He supposed since they came so early he could go talk to Feliciano. When he looked back up at the school, Gilbert was nowhere in sight.

* * *

><p>Gilbert hurried through the hallways as fast as he could go without running. He really didn't know why he was in such a hurry. He slowed down a little to avoid crashing into anyone and to make sure he didn't take a wrong turn – he had only been to Matthew's locker once.<p>

His nerves were on edge. He wasn't sure exactly how upset Matthew would be. Would he hate him? Would he talk about it? What was going to happen when Gilbert randomly showed up after blatantly ditching his friend?

Beyond his nerves, there was excitement. He was truly excited to see Matthew. Even if the blond teen was angry at him, he was still excited to see the Canadian again. During the car ride, Gilbert regained his confidence and believed that even if Mattie was completely pissed at him, he could get the blond teen to forgive him.

He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He never felt like this. He was too awesome to feel nervous around people… but Matthew was just different. He couldn't place it, never could when he thought about it. He had only known the Canadian teen for a short time, but he felt that Matthew was just… special, that he deserved something better in his life, that he deserved to show off his smile a little bit more. That was really Gilbert's goal – to make it up to Matthew. Ever since he saw the teen lying on the floor after getting hit by a door, he just wanted to make it up to him simply because he deserved so much better than what he already had.

Gilbert slowed to a stop as he saw the object of his thoughts appeared down the hallway. The smile that had appeared on Gilbert's face as he was lost in thoughts slowly slipped away. Matthew looked so sad. Gilbert was instantly reminded of the events of last week, specifically the look on Matthew's face before Gilbert tackled him on the bridge. Gilbert's mouth went dry. Did he cause this?

After a brief moment he began walking as if in a trance, his thoughts going wild. _I caused this. It must be my fault. It is all my fault._ He came out of his trance quickly realizing that if he could help Mattie once, he could help him again, and this time he won't screw it up.

"Matthew!" Just like on the bridge, Matthew did not turn at the sound of his name, so Gilbert continued as he approached, "Hey, Matthew!"

After a few more tries, Matthew looked up surprised to see Gilbert only a few steps away. A small, shaky grin, one that did not reach his eyes, formed on Matthew's face as Gilbert completed his approach and leaned on the locker next to Matthew. They looked at each other for a small moment both with smiles – Matthew's one more of awe at having the other remember him and Gilbert's his usual smirk but with a hint of admiration that only one who truly knew him would see.

"Hi, Matthew." Matthew started to respond, but was quickly stopped by Gilbert before he could reciprocate the greeting.

"Before you say anything, I'm sorry." A slight flush appeared across Gilbert's cheekbones, clearly visible due to his pale skin. He never apologized. His pride never let him, but this was an exception.

Matthew's eyes widened slightly. He had not been expecting that, not at all. He was rendered speechless for a short moment, unsure of how to respond. It didn't matter much, since Gilbert continued after the embarrassed silence.

"My old man decided to ground me when I got home Friday, so I couldn't come. Ludwig even teamed up with him! They had their eyes on me," Gilbert pointed two fingers two his wide eyes and pointed them around, "all weekend, so I couldn't even sneak out." Matthew chuckled at Gilbert's antics while the albino ranted about how he was locked up like a prisoner.

Gilbert took a sobering breath before continuing much calmer, "I would have called you, but I didn't have your number."

He looked at Matthew expectantly, waiting for Matthew to respond. It took Matthew a moment to realize he needed to find something to say. He was at a loss for words. Most people usually just muttered an apology and left; no one ever took the time to explain themselves, much less wonder what he thought about it. He responded in the only way he knew how.

"It's okay." Gilbert grinned at the response, relief filling his insides. He waited for Matthew to say more, but could tell the blond was too bashful to continue. He just grinned more at the thought before his usual joking demeanor took over.

"So…" Gilbert dragged out with a grin as the two began to walk down the hall at a leisurely pace. Matthew looked at him questioningly what crazy thing was on the eccentric teen's mind now. He met Gilbert's eyes noting that they seemed curious.

"Can I have your number?" Matthew instantly blushed, not expecting the question, causing Gilbert to laugh. Once the Prussian calmed down he continued,

"No, seriously, I want it so I can call if something like this happens again. Then, we can even text and stuff if you have unlimited."

Matthew smiled, this time a smile that reached his eyes and made his purple irises glow. He barely remembered his cell phone number since he never used it. It was more of a thing he just carried around in case of an emergency. He didn't even know if he had unlimited texting. He had a feeling he did since Alfred probably did, but who knew. It wasn't like he ever had anyone to text or call before. The idea of being able to talk to Gilbert whenever only made his elation grow.

Matthew's voice held excitement in his quiet manner as he said, "Sure! Of course, just… uh…" He blushed thinking of how silly it is that someone in high school didn't even know their own number. He continued on after an embarrass ruffle of his hair, "I don't know my number… I have a cell phone! I just don't have the number memorized," Matthew put an index finger up before quickly saying, "One sec."

He began digging through his backpack as Gilbert watched with a smirk and a small chuckle at the Canadian's nervous movements. It was oddly endearing to see the blond act like that. It struck Gilbert as odd that someone so awesome would get nervous and embarrassed so easily. He supposed it suited Matthew, ever the shy one, and besides, the blush fitted him well. Gilbert's thoughts stopped when Matthew held out his phone to Gilbert with a smile.

"Uh… You can just put your number in mine. I know you can find the phone's number in their somewhere, but I have no idea where."

Gilbert's gaze lingered on Matthew a moment longer before snatching the phone and going to the contacts. He paused before adding his own, noticing how few contacts Matthew had compared to Gilbert. The Canadian did have some programed in – family and a few students from school because of projects and hockey season, but nothing compared to the average teen, especially Gilbert.

Despite the small contact list, Gilbert still wanted to stand out on Matthew's phone so he put his number under the name Awesome thinking, _"Matthew should know that is me."_

He handed the phone back with instructions for Matthew to text him next time he had a chance, so Gilbert could get his number.

Matthew put his phone back into his backpack. Then, he met Gilbert's eyes, still smiling, saying, "We should head to class, so we won't be late."

Gilbert flashed him a grin before responding with a shrug, "I guess so."

They talked about little, unimportant things for a few minutes as they slowly made their way through the crowd. After a moment, Matthew spoke up realizing something.

"Hey Gil, isn't your homeroom down a different hallway? I thought mine was the only sophomore one on this side."

Gilbert laughed and threw his arm roughly around Matthew's shoulder. Matthew jerked at the roughness, but his smile remained. Over the past week of knowing Gilbert, he already got used to how rough the other could be. Gilbert would never admit it, but he was really touchy feely; Matthew could tell. It was in the way he treated his friends, and little things like this.

"I remember what you said last week about not liking the crowds, so as a _wonderful friend_," he pointed to himself flamboyantly with his free hand. "I wanted to walk with my new bud," Gilbert said everything jokingly accenting his words by shacking Matthew back and forth with the arm he had around his friend's shoulder.

Matthew laughed as he was jostled about.

"Whatever you say," Matthew said between laughs. He smacked Gilbert to get the albino to stop shaking him before continuing, "But what if you are late?" Matthew bit his lip at the question worried that he could get his best friend in trouble. He never liked to be a burden.

Gilbert just snorted at the question wearing his usual smirk.

"You forget who you are talking to. They'll be happy that I even showed up," Gilbert said his words so nonchalantly that Matthew was reminded of how they became friends – by skipping school. Gilbert had said that it was fun to ditch with more people, so he supposed that the albino must have had experiences. He started to wonder who out of the people they eat lunch with usually skips with Gil. It was obvious he does it often, but out of everyone the only person he could imagine ditching school was Antonio and maybe Elizaveta. Everyone else didn't seem like the type to break the rules.

He soon was pulled out of his musing by Gilbert's eccentric voice, and began a conversation with him about simple things until they reached his homeroom. Once they made it to the door, Gilbert patted Matthew's shoulder twice saying, "See you second period," before walking off with a short wave.

Matthew told him bye before entering homeroom with a grin.

* * *

><p>First period flew by quickly, and second passed the same as the morning with some joking between the two teens and Gilbert trying to distract Matthew in class with various antics. He knew deep down the blond was still upset about something and just wanted to make him happy. He found the Canadian's happiness contagious. Seeing the other smile always bought a grin to his face.<p>

Lunch went by much the same. Gilbert gave his undivided attention to Matthew, and listened as the Canadian talked about things he liked with glowing eyes. Neither noticed they had partially separated themselves from the rest of the table, but the other occupants did. Out of everyone at the table, only Elizaveta reacted to the small shift in pace.

As Gilbert was listening to Matthew tell a story from when he was younger, Elizaveta caught Gilbert's eye from the other side of Matthew. She smirked at him raising her eyebrows up and down suggestively taking a pointed glance at Matthew. Gilbert's eyes widened and he flushed slightly before exclaiming loudly, "Shut up!"

Matthew jumped at Gilbert's loud voice. Had he offended the albino? He hadn't meant to say anything wrong, but maybe he had. It had been a while since he spent so much time talking about himself. Maybe he was annoying Gilbert. His mind started to race as Gilbert caught the look on the blonde's face. Gilbert began to panic, realizing what Matthew was thinking.

He shook his hand in front of himself defensively, talking fast saying, "No, no, no, no! I wasn't talking to you! I mean, I was listening, but that wasn't directed at you. I was telling _her _to shut up!" He pointed a finger across Matthew to the only girl at the table.

Elizaveta mocked offense at the accusation saying, "But I hadn't said a thing." She smiled sarcastically at Gilbert as Matthew looked on confused.

Gilbert blanched at her words responding, "Yeah, but you were making faces! You were thinking it!" He turned to Matthew and addressed the Canadian, "I swear she was doing it! I was completely listening to you until _she _butted in."

Matthew smiled as Elizaveta replied, "I didn't say anything!" from the other side of him. Soon, Gilbert and Elizaveta were bickering as Matthew looked on slightly amused. He turned to Feliciano who leaned towards Matthew and said, "They do this all the time. You get used to it after a while."

Matthew raised his eyebrows at the Italian's words. He thought they were really close friends, but if they fought all the time… Feliciano spoke up seeming to read Matthew's mind.

"Oh! Don't worry. It's just how they show they care about each other… I think." The thoughts of a married couple once again came to Matthew's mind. They did seem to have some chemistry even if they bickered often.

The lunch conversation ended when the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. The large group of friends said their goodbyes before dispersing to their next classes – all except Gilbert and Matthew. Gilbert stayed a little longer watching Matthew clean up his trash. He couldn't help but chuckle at how the blond walked all the way across the cafeteria just to recycle all the recyclables in his lunch. Most kids would just throw it away normally if the recycling bin wasn't nearby, but not Matthew. Matthew was different. He genuinely cared about little things like this. It was refreshing to see someone like that in a High School like theirs. It was one of the reasons why Gilbert was always surprised at how easily people forgot Matthew. He was just so different, special even. How could anyone ignore him?

Upon returning to the lunch table, Matthew was surprised to see that Gilbert had waited for him. It wasn't that he didn't expect the albino teen to go out of his way for him, but more so that no one really waited for each other after lunch if they weren't going the same place or at least near the same place. It was a gesture Matthew greatly appreciated.

Out of all his newly acquainted friends, Gilbert had to be his favorite. It wasn't just the undivided attention he seemed to gain from the other teen, but the albino's personality himself – the way he could walk around with confidence and seem so comfortable and unafraid. Matthew knew some people viewed it as prideful and cocky, something bad, but Matthew admired it. Beyond his exterior, there was something more to Gilbert, something much deeper. Over the short time they knew each other Matthew had gotten small glimpses of it – the inner workings of Gilbert; the true Gilbert – and it instantly piqued interest. Matthew couldn't place it, but there was something relatable and calming about it, something that drew him in and made him want to know more.

Matthew grabbed his lunch from the table and looked up to find Gilbert staring at him with a smirk, not his usually teasing smirk but something gentler. Matthew looked over his shoulders if Gilbert was looking at another one of the students passing by. It was silly of him to do. He knew those red eyes were focused on him; he could feel it.

"What?" Matthew inquired.

Gilbert's faraway stare became more focused as he registered the other's words. He rubbed the back of his neck as he replied, "Nothing, just thinking." He paused for a moment caught off guard by how easily his mind was drifting, something that had been happening often, before putting his usual smirk on his face and a rough arm around his friend's shoulder.

Matthew shook his head with a light laugh barely jostled by the albino's rough handling of him. It was funny how they had only been friends for a short time, and he was already used to the other's antics. Beyond that, after this short time they both were used to each other. It was something hard to explain like doing a puzzle without the picture nearby to use as a guide. You can get an idea of what the picture your making might be by looking at the pieces, but you will never know exactly in detail what it is until it is put together. Their puzzle is half complete, but already shows a picture that will be of liking in appearance even if some pieces seem to be missing completely.

As they walked out of the cafeteria, a mirror image of how they appeared in the hall that morning – Gilbert smiling cockily as he talked with a friendly arm around a smiling Matthew's shoulder as he listened with interest – Gilbert remembered the plans for the day that he thought through over the weekend.

"You want to hang out after school?" Gilbert felt more than saw Matthew tense just slightly at his words pondering what he said. Gilbert realized it sounded just like a repeat of Friday and once again found himself waving his hands in front of him trying to clear up what he said.

"Not like Friday! I was thinking that I should make it up to you for ditching, but this time, we won't split up," Gilbert grinned and stood tall proudly, "Then there can't be a mishap like this past weekend."

Matthew wanted to laugh at how Gilbert looked standing tall in the middle of the hall seeming so completely proud of his idea, but he just couldn't laugh because he found the whole ordeal rather nice. It was comforting to know that he had fretted over the past for days in his room for no reason, and that Gilbert was sitting in his room on a different street in the neighborhood fretting about him and thinking up something as simple as this. It was something that would be considering nice coming from anyone, but coming from Gilbert, Matthew found it oddly… sweet.

A small smile graced Matthew's lips before he responded, "Meet me by my locker after school," and turned down a hallway to their left to head to his next class with a grin.

Gilbert stood still a moment partially stunned. He had been expecting the usual bashful response, and the newly emerged confidence came as a surprise. _I knew he had it in him_, Gilbert thought as he watched Matthew disappear into a classroom. He always believed the Canadian wasn't as shy as he first put off. There was a deep confidence inside of the blond that Gilbert just got a glimpse of, and to put it in simple terms, he was craving more. It was just a look that fit Matthew.

Suddenly the tardy bell rang as the last as the straggling students entered their classrooms.

Gilbert slumped his should and rolled his eyes muttering, "Shit!" loudly under his breath before sprinting down the hall to his next class.

* * *

><p>AN: I'm back! I meant to get this out a very long time ago, but then my engineering team went to nationals in St. Louis. After that, I had a week of makeup work for school, some projects, and exams. There just seemed to be no time, but I promise you I was writing about 1000 words a week once I got back home.

Sorry nothing interesting happened to Gil. I know most of you thought he died or was badly hurt, so I hope this wasn't too much of a letdown to any of you who were hoping for some depressing stuff.

I missed ya'll so much, and will try to get the next chapter out soon (I'm job hunting, but I should still have time since it is summer)

Oh! And we've passed the one year anniversary for this story! I big thanks to all the readers that have stayed with me, and all the new readers that have come out of nowhere over these past few weeks! You guys are awesome!

To all you fanfiction authors out there, I've heard rumors FF is taking down 'explicit' stories. If you haven't heard, you might want to save your writing just in case!


	18. Chapter 18

The school day flew by like a summer afternoon: calm, relaxing, and with a hint of laziness. The day was good, the sky was clear, and the air felt light as Matthew and Gilbert walked to the former's house. They had chatted with the rest of their lunch group in the hall for a while before splitting up to do all their after school activities or head home. Ludwig needed to stay late for a club meeting, so Gilbert decided they could walk back since it was a nice day and they missed the bus being too caught up in their conversations.

Matthew talked animatedly as he recalled to Gilbert some of Alfred's previous antics and general funny things that happened around his house. Gilbert would laugh and respond with his own story, but he couldn't help but notice the difference between every instance they retold.

Gilbert was an active character in all his stories usually pulling pranks on Ludwig, or adding his own two cents into his brother's actions. Matthew was different. He told his stories as an observer, similar to a third person perspective instead of Gilbert's first person. It took a few moments for Gilbert to realize it, but, even in Matthew's own stories, it was like the Canadian was barely there, just another wallflower observing the happenings of his crazy family. Of course Matthew was in his retellings, they were stories from his life after all, but it was as if he passed off his parts in the various events as unimportant.

It wasn't something Gilbert would usually notice while talking to someone, but it irked him. He just couldn't help letting the fact get to him, even if Matthew was doing it subconsciously. "_Seriously, this dude needs to realize how awesome he is," _ran through Gilbert's head at one point. He would make his thought become reality because who is more fit for the job than him?

Matthew beamed as Gilbert laughed at his story about the time Alfred confused where France was located causing Francis to freak out. Gilbert's laugh caused a laugh to bubble out of Matthew as he watched the albino throw his head back. It was something so simple, something normal people must experience all the time, but Matthew wanted to hold onto that moment forever.

Everything left him feeling light, happy. It caused his eyes to shine brightly and his lips to curve up into a constant grin, one much more prominent than his usual shy smile. Even his walk seemed lighter. He held himself higher; his steps no longer ones of a burdened man but the walk of a lighthearted boy with a life ahead of him.

These changes did not go unnoticed by Gilbert. Matthew's happiness caused Gilbert to be happy, and Gilbert's happiness caused the same for Matthew – them feeding off each other's good feelings. It was like an out of body experience, but it felt amazing: a constant flow of something good circling between them, through them.

Gilberts grin twitched down as they neared his street. He had forgotten about his opa. He really hoped his grandfather wasn't home. It wasn't that the man would be mad he had bought a friend over, especially one as polite as Matthew, but he never liked explaining why he lived with him. Normally, he would shrug off most people when they asked, but he didn't think he could do that to Matthew, nor did he want to. He just didn't want to have to lie to the Canadian, not after knowing way more about Matthew than he should.

He looked at Matthew a moment contemplating everything he knew. It was hard to imagine at times like this – someone with a smile like that could hurt so much inside. He really shouldn't be surprised. Gilbert would be one to know about those things.

Gilbert let out a mental sigh of relief when he saw his driveway empty. The parent conversation would have to wait for another day – God knows Matthew will find out eventually – and he can't be upset by that.

Matthew tried not to show how much he was taking in from the house. His quiet nature caused him to be observant; he didn't want Gilbert to think he was being judgmental when he was just taking everything in. It was a personality kink that could appear odd at times if people caught him staring.

The house wasn't what Matthew expecting coming from a place where Gilbert lived. It was cleaner and more organized than he imagined, too much if someone were to ask his opinion. It clashed with Gilbert too much. The albino's crazy nature did not have anything to do with the model home cleanliness he was greeted with. Then he thought of Ludwig. He could definitely imagine this being a place Ludwig would feel comfortable being in. He must take after their parents.

Matthew realized Gilbert had walked ahead of him while he was looking around and walked quickly to catch up. He found Gilbert in the kitchen hoping onto the counter as he popped open a soda.

"You want anything to drink?" Gilbert questioned as he waved a hand around his can.

Matthew shifted his feet looking around the kitchen before responding, "Uh… I'm good."

Gilbert leaned back on one hand and raised an eyebrow at Matthew who shifted under the gaze. The blonde's awkwardness caused a few chuckles to escape Gilbert.

"Dude," Gilbert paused chuckling as he sat up, "You don't need to be all polite prim and polished here. Mi casa es tu casa and all that shit."

"Spanish? Really?" Matthew joked though he seemed to relax a little at the other's words.

"Spend some time with Tony, and you pick up a few things." Gilbert shrugged as he jumped off the counter and looked over at Matthew again. "You sure you don't want anything?"

"No, I'm –" Gilbert gave Matthew an incredulous look stopping Matthew's words for a moment before the Canadian continued in an exasperated tone, "I'm being serious!"

Gilbert morphed his face to take on a more playfully irritated look as he put his hands on his hips. Matthew shook his head in playful disbelief.

"I don't need anything because I'm just not a pig like you." Matthew complimented his words with a playful push to Gilbert's stomach.

"Hey! It's all muscle, and you know it!" Gilbert patted his stomach after he picked up his backpack from where he left it abandoned on the floor.

He started walked out of the kitchen upstairs towards his room saying a, "Come on," to Matthew.

Matthew just oinked in response laughing at Gilbert's face.

Gilbert looked over his shoulder and just said, "Whatever, you know I'm awesome."

Matthew rolled his eyes with a playful grin responding dismissively, "Yeah, whatever."

The two teens continued their jesting antics until they reached Gilbert's room. The albino's room was like what Matthew expected just cleaner. He looked at Gilbert as the albino threw his backpack in a random location not really minding where it landed. Then, he looked around the room again. He had a feeling it wasn't always this clean. It must have been an outcome of being stuck in his room all weekend.

A sharp tweet caused Matthew to jump in surprise. He turned his head to the source of the noise, a small cage in the corner. He slowly walked to it and peered inside. A smile slowly crept onto his face as he saw the little bird inside that tweeted quietly at him. It peered back at him with a tilt of its head and an almost silent tweet. It looked just as curious as the teen peering into the cage.

Matthew jerked in surprise as he was startled by a hand on his shoulder.

"I see you have met Gilbird," Gilbert said looking into the cage with a grin.

Matthew gave Gilbert a questioning look complete with a raised eyebrow. "Gilbird?"

Gilbert looked back at Matthew with a smirk. "He is named after his owner."

Matthew laughed responding sarcastically, "I had no idea."

Gilbert stuck his tongue out at the other teen childishly before turning back to the cage and opening it up. He stuck his hand inside and Gilbird hopped onto his fingers. He slowly retrieved his hand from the cage and held it in front of himself.

Gilbert pet the bird with one finger saying, "Hey there buddy. Miss me? Yeah, I know. Being in there all day must suck." He lifted his hand higher saying, "You need to stretch your wings."

Gilbird flew off his finger as the teen lifted his hand and began to fly around the room. Matthew looked on quietly at the scene. He would have never expected Gilbert to care for a small creature so much. Gilbert always gave off a much different vibe, especially when Matthew first met him.

The albino was a comet of enthusiasm, and his ego gave off a very alpha male aura in Matthew's opinion, though that was only a first impression. Matthew quickly realized Gilbert was so much more than what his exterior showed. Once some of the edges flayed away there was truly something beautiful to behold, something most people never saw and most likely would never see. It didn't bother Matthew that so many people would never understand who Gilbert exactly was behind his first glance mirage. Matthew could see part of who he really was, and was content to keep it all to himself.

Gilbird circled around the room a few times before landing atop Gilbert's abnormally colored hair. Matthew's eyes lit up with surprise at the action.

"He just does that?" Matthew asked with a hint of amazement.

Gilbert smirked proudly. "Well, he's only ever done it to me. He has to warm up to other people usually."

Matthew shook his head laughing as he said, "You are just too weird."

"You're the weird one."

"And you're the one with a bird on your head," Matthew said smirking.

Gilbert looked at him for a moment saying, "Touché," before kneeling in front of the small TV he had in his room. He looked back at Matthew saying, "Choose a game," as he gestured to his gaming counsel.

Matthew browsed through Gilbert's games looking for one that he was most likely to beat Gilbert at. Gilbert plopped down on the floor waiting for Matthew to choose something. The harsh movement caused Gilbird to fly up into the air.

Before Matthew could grab a Halo game he was sure to beat Gilbert at – his sniping skills were deadly, and Alfred didn't like to play him because of them – the small yellow bird landed next to him. Matthew paused and smiled down at the bird. He couldn't help but to extend his hand to the creature. He was always fond of animals.

Matthew had to stop himself from jumping in shock as Gilbird jumped onto his hand and began to walk shakily up his arm unable to find perfect balance on the rising surface as he wobbled. Gilbert sat up from his spot on the floor watching the scene attentively. As he said before, Gilbird took a while to warm up to people. The bird was like a toddler that way, hiding in Gilbert's hair as a child would hide behind his parent's leg when confronting a new face. Right now the small bird was perched on Matthew's shoulder while the later laughed. Gilbert looked on with awe – Gilbird would not even do that to _Ludwig_.

After a few moments Gilbert spoke up saying playfully, "Okay, Birdie, hurry up and pick something."

Matthew turned to look at Gilbert with his face full of question, "Birdie?"

"Only a bird could get Gilbird to act like that," Gilbert said gesturing towards the bird currently perched on Matthew's shoulder before continuing, "Don't worry you make a cute bird," with a wink after seeing Matthew's 'are you serious' stare.

Matthew turned towards the games to hide his blush before grabbing the game he was choosing before Gilbird distracted him. He threw the case at Gilbert with a smirk and a challenge, "Prepared to be creamed."

In the following hours it was easy to tell that Birdie would replace Mattie as Gilbert's nickname for the blond. Matthew protested at first – it didn't seem like the best name to describe a teenage boy – but he couldn't deny that it grew on him in the short time. He started to like when Gilbert used it. It was nice to have a nickname that was unique from his actual name and kind of an inside joke between friends. It was something he never really had before and would gladly claim for himself.

Hours past, and soon, Matthew found himself at home with a smile replaying the day's events. It was a good day. A very good day.

Gilbert sat in his room with Gilbird thinking similar thoughts to Matthew. Gilbird tweeted next to him. He stared at the bird understanding something others would not be able to see about the feathery creature – it was a kind of silent communication the two of them had – and Gilbert just turned over muttering, "Shut up."

* * *

><p>Noise cascaded around the kitchen as Arthur grabbed the necessary pans from various cupboards to be used to make that night's dinner. Francis said earlier that he might have to stay late at the restaurant, and Arthur was not about to pass up a chance to cook. He was just about to start when a noise caused him to look up.<p>

Francis was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with a smirk, cell phone in hand. "You didn't really think you could get away with cooking dinner on my night to cook, did you, mon lapin?" the Frenchman slurred jokingly.

Arthur grumbled, "Matthew would have eaten it."

Francis walked into the kitchen waving his phone in a teasing manner as he responded, "Ah, but Mathieu will be home late so it will be cold by then anyways, and we all know leftovers of your food are never good."

Arthur stopped as he processed his husband's words. "Matt– … why will he be late?"

"He just texted me saying he was a friend's house and that he would be home late for dinner," Francis said staring at his phone rereading the message.

Arthur paused for a moment with an almost inaudible hum before saying, "The lad does deserve to spend time with his friends. He's usually cooped up in his room. I almost thought he was up there now."

Francis hummed in agreement as he leaned against the counter and began to reach for the pans Arthur had set out.

The two fell into normal conversation talking about their day and partaking in their usual bickering. Arthur reluctantly gave up his plans of cooking to Francis who took up the job with a grin and a remark about "horrendous English food."

After a moment of silence, except for the sounds of Francis preparing dinner, Arthur spoke up expecting to get back at Francis for his jab at British culture.

"Why did you have those replacement razors on the dresser earlier? I thought you claimed straight razors were too old fashioned." Arthur chided taking a jab at Francis' past comment of Arthur's preference of a manual razor to electric, though Arthur was genuinely curious about the blades. It didn't make sense for someone who didn't use a straight razor to have replacement blades. He didn't even know you could still get them since it seemed almost everyone just bought new razors when the old ones became dull.

Francis remembered back to the black box, Gilbert's speculation of what it meant, and Matthew's response to why he had it. All the memories floated around in his head with his own thoughts of the matter before he came to a concluding response.

"They were Matthew's. Apparently, he needed them for an art project," Francis said flippantly with a wave of his hand.

Arthur sighed and shook his head. "I swear to God it's like I barely know the boy."

"Oh, mon lapin, you know that isn't true," Francis said comfortingly, moving to stand in front of Arthur.

"Francis, I didn't even know he liked art that much. I mean, I knew he sketched, but I had no idea any of our sons had a creative passion. And that is something I –" Francis put his hand over Arthur's mouth stopping his husband's rambling before it could gain any more speed.

"You are overthinking this again. It isn't like when you were younger," Francis paused a moment to make sure Arthur could notice the seriousness in his eyes before releasing the Brit and continuing in a lighter tone, "Besides, if you want to be closer to him, just talk to him. You'll never find out more about him if you do not approach him first."

Arthur signed leaning back against the counter. He stared off at nothing contemplating Francis' words before responding in a thoughtful tone, "I suppose you're right. It can't hurt to try to bond with the lad a little."

Francis smiled as he returned to cooking. "Exactly! You two probably have more in common than you know."

"Sometimes, that's what I worry about," Arthur mumbled in a quiet tone filled with more emotion than he usually let through his cover. His eyes were trained at a nonexistent distance a thousand miles away as he contemplated the meaning behind the pained words that left his lips.

* * *

><p>AN: Most of this chapter was handwritten on a plane and the rest was originally written on my phone. I just got my computer back yesterday to type and edit it. That is my excuse for the tardiness this week. :)

A bit of a shmoopy chapter (I still feel weird doing happy scenes ^^'), but we learn the origin of the nickname, so I get to use it now! And I finally got to write that scene between Francis and Arthur. You have no idea how long I've meant to get their serious conversation scene in there.

It's a short chapter, but I wanted to get something out for you guys, and I promise I'll try to get another actual length one out before summer ends.

I just found out today I have alg 2 summer homework to add with my three other subjects. But I think I have a plan that will make me write more if I block off a time in each day for homework and writing. We'll see how well it works since I'm easily distracted and am still kind of fangirling about all the supernatural spoilers from comic con.

Thanks for all the encouraging messages to hurry up. I felt so guilty, they actually worked. Anyways, thanks for the support and goodnight. XD


	19. Chapter 19

A week and a half after his conversation with Francis, Arthur was sitting in the kitchen drinking his morning coffee. The stereotypical paper was replaced with a Bronte novel. He loved English literature – it had a pristine quality that other novels lacked to him – and he had a peculiar soft spot for everything written by the Bronte family.

Despite what some literature fanatics will say, Arthur believed the sisters had similar writing styles, though their themes and voice seemed to differ. In his earlier life when he lived back home in England, he preferred Emily Bronte and her novel _Wuthering Heights_. He found it more relatable, of course not in the 'crazy bouts of love and everyone dies' kind of relatable, but more that he understood the emotions of the characters on a deeper level other than knowing they made sense.

Now, Arthur prefers Charlotte Bronte and, more specifically, _Jane Eyre._ It replaces _Wuthering Heights_ in novels he can relate to. Jane would always have a special place on his mental bookshelf, and, Arthur supposes, they would be good friends if they could ever meet. He could emphasize with her youth, and a little hope never hurt anyone, something proven in Arthur's experience and in Jane's too if the novel was read for the ending. An ending Arthur always and will forever enjoy because, despite him denying it anytime Francis dares to mention it, he is a romantic; a closet romantic at that. He isn't ashamed of it. A little romance never hurt anyone. Jane chose romance, and it turned out pretty good for her; Arthur made it more of a priority than other arguably important things, and, he will gladly admit with a smile, it didn't turn out too shabby for him.

It was at that moment Matthew walked into the kitchen already dressed for school.

"Good morning," Arthur greeted picking up his bookmark from the table in case he was given the chance to talk with his son.

" Mornin'," Matthew slurred sleepily as he dug through the pantry hoping Alfred didn't eat the last of the pop tarts when he was downstairs earlier. He had a feeling Alfred specifically ate before getting dressed just so he could get the last one. That or hide them. They did that to each other sometimes when they knew they were running out and wouldn't be making a trip to the store anytime soon.

Arthur watched as Matthew started moving around cans in boxes in the pantry knowing full well that Alfred hid them. He decided to give Matthew a clue saying, "Check more to the left."

Matthew paused in surprise not having known Arthur was even paying attention to him and wondering when his dad had become so perceptive as to know what he was doing. He slowly looked to the left; there they were, the box of pop tarts with only one package left inside, so that's why Alfred hid them.

He felt his dad's eyes on him as he ripped apart the empty box and threw it away. It didn't make him feel uncomfortable per say, but it was different. If he were to be honest, it seemed Arthur was watching him more closely over the past week. He really hoped it didn't have anything to do with their fight a few weeks ago. Although that is a good reason to watch him more closely, the thought of getting attention for acting out like that didn't sit well with him. Getting attention that way almost felt like cheating.

Matthew took the seat in front of Arthur at the table not about to let any discomforts upset his routine. Arthur closed his book as Matthew sat down planning on taking this time to try to talk to his son a little bit.

"So…" Arthur dragged off. He thought little conversations like this could bring them closer together. If only he knew what to say.

Matthew looked up at his dad responding with a grunt since his mouth was full. Arthur smiled at Matthew's manners – it was so unlike Alfred – before picking a conversation starter.

"Anything interesting going on today?" Arthur made sure to show curiosity in his voice.

Matthew thought for a moment before saying offhandedly, "I have a French test today, but it's French." He shrugged at the mention of his test. It really wasn't a big deal. French came easily too him, and he was probably one of the best in the class. He considered tutoring before, but he didn't think anyone would care much for him to do it.

"That's good. Sounds like you'll have an easy day," Arthur responded. They were quiet for a moment before Matthew spoke up again.

"I just remembered, I needed to tell you that I'll probably hang out with some friends afterschool, just in case I come in later than usual."

"Oh, well… that's fine. Thanks for telling me beforehand." And this is why they haven't made much progress, or at least that's what Arthur would like to think. He knew part of it was him not knowing exactly how to go about "bonding," but another part was the fact that Matthew wasn't home as much recently. Almost every day his son was hanging out with friends, something Arthur knew Matthew did rarely before. He supposed the scare from a few weeks ago worried Matthew's friends as much as his family. That or Arthur never noticed before, but he really didn't want to think about that.

Matthew checked the clock on the microwave before getting up and saying, "Yeah, well, I better head out. I'm not letting Alfred make me late."

"Have a good day, Lad." Arthur watched as his son walked out the door. The feeling made himself feel like one of those villains on the old cartoon Alfred liked to watch when he was younger saying, "Foiled again!" when things didn't go their way.

As the saying goes, think of the devil and he will come, and so Alfred came down the stairs. Arthur only wished it worked for his other son.

Alfred paused, eyes scanning the kitchen before landing on his father with a questioning look. "Mattie down here?"

Arthur replied, "He just walked out," as he reopened his novel.

Alfred's eyebrows furrowed that the news. Matthew almost always waited for him, and if not, at least complained about Alfred's tardiness before leaving. Alfred said his goodbyes and left as he pondered his brother's behavior as of lately. Something was up, but he couldn't quite place it. Matthew was acting different. Part of it was good: his twin seemed happier and just lively like he took a shot of confidence. Then some parts were bad like how he was always busy and seemed like he was hiding something. Alfred's first guess was drugs – it explained the sudden energy and being busy – but he couldn't see his brother doing something like that. Something had to be wrong, and he wanted to help. He just had to figure out what it was is all. He would take care of his little brother; after all he was good at helping people.

* * *

><p>Matthew didn't have the faintest idea of his dad's or Alfred's thoughts on his change in demeanor. Actually he didn't notice the change. He knew he felt better overall, but it wasn't like he was sitting on cloud nine. He still thought about it, the self-injury, every day to be exact. It was an itch he couldn't scratch, partly because it would be much more than a scratch if he gave in and tried to itch it. Luckily, he found some ways to distract him so he only gave in a few times and it was never bad, just little things.<p>

As the bus stopped, at the school he grabbed his bag and got off the bus before waiting for everyone else to leave. He didn't take notice to the trained eye his twin had on him – his thoughts were elsewhere on a friend he would soon meet up with.

Of course, his thoughts were a bit off. He wasn't the one meeting up with a friend, but the other way around. Gilbert could never get to school before him it seemed, but the albino always seemed to find the Canadian teen in the morning for at least a quick chat, except the days when Ludwig left him at home because he wasn't up yet. Gilbert was never bothered by this, but he usually missed first period. He always got to school in time to make it to second period on time though instead of completely skipping school like he usually would a few weeks ago.

This did not go unnoticed by those closest to him, one being Elizaveta who had an idea as to why that she was not afraid of sharing with Gilbert.

At the moment, she was making kissy faces at him from the other side of Matthew at their usual lunch table. Gilbert caught site of her and turned to Matthew and said with polite sarcasm, "One second."

He then leaned over his friend to smack Elizaveta on the head. Matthew looked on slightly shocked. As much as the two of them bickered, he hadn't quite gotten used to their antics.

Elizaveta ran her fingers through her hair attempting to fix it while saying, "What was that for? It's not like I was doing anything."

Gilbert rolled his eye and did an impression of her mocking in a high pitched voice, "It's not like I was doing anything."

Eliaveta raised an eyebrow. "You're a child."

Gilbert crossed his arms. "Well, you're a bitch."

Matthew was watching the exchange with a small smile when the bell rang signaling fifth period.

Matthew stood up right away saying, "Well, I'm off guys." The other's wished him goodbye and Gilbert told him he'd see him later.

Elizaveta followed Gilbert while the albino went to throw his trash away.

Gilbert sighed. "Okay, you have something to say."

Elizaveta smiled. "Of course I do." Gilbert gave her a look silently asking her to continue and she did. "When are you going to make your move?"

"Dude, I told you once before I don't like him like that!" Elizaveta smirked at the other's words before saying happily, "I never gave a name."

Gilbert started walking away but she followed trying to continue the conversation. "Come on, Gil! Is it really going to hurt to tell me? We're like siblings. We are _supposed _to talk about these things, and you know I'm not going to stop bugging you until you tell the truth. I can tell when you're lying."

Gilbert stopped in his tracks and turned around irritated his shoulders stiff. "Fine! I like him, okay?" His words were spat out in annoyance eyes ablaze. "But it doesn't mean anything! It's complicated and he," Gilbert paused running a hand through his hair down to his neck before continuing in a quiet, calmer voice, "He's not like that."

Elizaveta was a surprised by Gilbert's response. She wasn't expecting him to be upset by it, and could tell admitting the words out loud hurt him since he thought his feeling were futile. It was very unlike Gilbert to actually care about something, or someone, and show it openly. She decided that was enough reason to help him out.

"Are you seriously giving up because you don't think he's gay? _Really_ Gilbert?" Gilbert put his hands on his backpack straps and hunched slightly forward at the condescending sound in her voice.

"Amongst other things," he muttered clearly annoyed at having the conversation and thinking about everything he knew about Matthew, especially the things he knew that he shouldn't know. You can't build a relationship on something like that.

Elizaveta rolled her eyes. "The Great Gilbert Beilschmidt is being deterred by something so small?"

Gilbert glared at her. "Friendship isn't small."

Elizaveta didn't miss a beat responding, "But a relationship could be much bigger."

Gilbert sighed knowing he couldn't win this argument, not now. "Well, Matthew isn't worth the risk. He's different. Now, I need to get to class."

Elizaveta let him leave but not before saying, "When you decide to make your move I'll be here."

Gilbert turned around with a small smirk, "Not happening."

* * *

><p>Gilbert found Matthew at the end of the day at his locker, and banged his body against the locker next to Matthew causing the blond to jump in surprise. Gilbert smirked at Matthew's embarrassed face as he ruffled the Canadian's hair while greeting with, "Hey Birdie," in a mocking tone.<p>

Matthew just pushed Gilbert's hand away muttering, "Whatever," with a grin. Gilbert watched for a moment as Matthew looked at his planner to pick which books he would need for the night.

"So… you wanna hang out or something?" Matthew asked snapping Gilbert out of a daze.

The albino was quick to give a witty response saying, "Sure. Your house or mine?"

Matthew rolled his eyes as he closed his locker.

"Actually, forget that question. I don't want to go to mine," Gilbert remembered that his grandpa would be home today, "And I have somewhere we can go for a little while. It seemed everyone else had something to do today anyways."

"Yeah, Feliciano was saying something about being busy," Matthew's eyebrows furrowed slightly as he tried to remember exactly what Feliciano said during their art class. He was still having trouble keeping up with the eccentric Italian. Gilbert chuckled understanding what was going on in Matthew's head.

They began their track outside and into the nearby neighborhood talking about their days, Gilbert with more enthusiasm and complaints trying to get a laugh out of the Canadian while actually receiving a few smart remarks – something Gilbert would have never expected to come out of Matthew when they first met, but he was beginning to realize how sarcastic the teen could be.

Matthew was in the middle of talking about his day when Gilbert stopped him.

"This way," he gestured down a street. Matthew followed him as the two strayed from the path to his house. The neighborhood had a simple layout; Matthew had a vague idea where they were heading but wasn't quite sure. He decided not to dwell on it much. Anything was better than aimlessly wondering, and he really enjoyed hanging out with Gilbert, more so than any of his other friends.

Actually, he enjoyed the time alone he spent with Gilbert. The albino had a way of just making him forget all his troubles and create smiles on his face. Beyond that, Matthew knew that he got to see a side of Gilbert others missed, a side that was more hidden. He thought about it a lot because he just couldn't help but wonder what Gilbert would choose to keep secret. If Matthew was more outgoing, he would have told Gilbert that the albino could talk about anything or however friends go about making that mutual ground where they can just let out all their problems. He really had no idea how to word something like that, so he would just soak up the company of the other and bask in the feelings it gave him.

"Ah, there it is." Gilbert stood up straight in his pride.

Matthew let out closed-mouthed chuckle before asking in an amused voice, "A park?"

Gilbert turned to him smirking, "Hells yeah! What too old for parks? …Or do you not want to hang here?" Gilbert rushed to add on the second question.

Matthew just smiled. "No, parks are cool. I didn't know what I was expecting. Actually, I can't believe I forgot this was here. Me and Alfred used to go here all the time."

Matthew moved to put his backpack down on a bench and Gilbert followed setting his stuff down as well.

"Yeah, I used to take West here all the time when he was little, but now it seems like people don't come by as often as they used to. I guess most of the kids in the neighborhood are too old now."

Gilbert plopped down on one of the swings. The chains chattered loudly as he hit the seat and leaned back with his eyes closed letting his body soak up the thin sunrays that were reaching out through the clouds. Matthew followed and sat down on the swing next to him only making a slight squeak in the metal. Gilbert chuckled at Matthew's lack of noise. Even with his eyes closed he could see Matthew slowly sitting down in that way that most people sit themselves into chairs when visiting unfamiliar homes.

Gilbert pulled himself up and opened his eyes. Matthew looked on at the other teen's relaxed demeanor.

"I'm guessing you come here often?" The words were spoken softly in Matthew's normal tone.

Gilbert responded in a voice to match, "Yeah, it's a good place to think." He stared out across the small park at the street seemingly lost in thought. Matthew looked at the street ahead as well with a hum of agreement. A cool breeze blew shifting the branches of the few trees nearby.

"Hey Gilbert?" Gilbert stopped rocking on the balls of his feet at the questioning tone and turned his head to look at Matthew. "Yeah?"

"Uh… Nevermind." Matthew looked down at his feet that were sitting in the mulch causing him to rock forward and back.

"What? …You can ask me whatever. I'm not going to get mad or anything."

Matthew looked back up at Gilbert in thought pursing his lips before saying, "It was just… I was wondering why you were so upset this morning. I know it's probably personal and all, but it seemed kind of serious."

Gilbert sign and lifted his legs off the ground to rock forwards on the swing.

"I… It wasn't anything too big. I –uh – had a fight with my grandpa."

Matthew furrowed his eyebrows. "Your grandpa lives with you?"

Gilbert paused his movements and shifted his eyes towards the blond. Matthew had no idea. Matthew didn't know anything. Gilbert licked his lips before he let out a breath. He never really had to talk about it before. Everyone knew him and West lived with their opa.

"More like we live with him."

Matthew blinked and sat up a little bit. That was not the answer he was expecting.

"O-oh… umm… can I ask why?"

Gilbert looked at his feet for a moment and then looked back up at Matthew with a rueful smile.

"If you're up for a bit of a story, I don't mind telling you about it."

Matthew shifted unsure if he should say anything. Gilbert took a moment to compose himself before saying, "He is my guardian. My parents are," He paused to stop his voice from cracking but the next word still came out strained, "dead."

Matthew's eyes widened. He would have never guessed, especially by the way the albino acted… but he supposed Alfred acted in a similar way, and they had also been through the same thing. It was probably a little different than what Gilbert went through though.

Matthew looked back at the street and said just above a whisper, "I'm sorry."

Gilbert looked at Matthew letting his eyes roam around the teen. Matthew really cared. It was strange. It was like Matthew shared in his pain. As much as he hated seeing Mattie hurt, it made him feel a little better.

"It's okay, Birdie. It happened a while ago… I just, I never really had to say it out loud." Matthew looked at Gilbert confusion evident on his face as Gilbert continued, "It was a disaster. Everyone either knew what happened or someone told them. I never had to actually say it." Gilbert shook his head as he realized how ridiculous that was. It had been so many years and he never had to say he had dead parents out loud.

"How'd, how did it happen?"

Gilbert took a deep breath before answering, "A car crash when I was younger. It just, came out of nowhere. One second you have a dad and a mom who is your best friend and the next their gone. No more dad to tell you to straighten up and annoy you sometimes even if it's because he just cares, and no mom to tell you it's alright and that you're not a freak, just different, and give you hugs and the strength to get by. It was hard, and still is sometimes."

"I understand. It was hard when my mom died in a crash, too. Having to move in with someone you don't know as well. No more mom to baby you, to talk to, and no one can ever cook pancakes exactly like she could."

Gilbert chuckled softly at the mention of pancakes.

"What about your dad?"

Matthew sighed softly at Gilbert's question before answering, "I was never really close to him. My parents were divorced after me and Al were born, so it was just my mom and me. She called it the Mattie and mom show." Matthew smiled at the fond memory before continuing, "After she died, I had to move in with dad and Al. It was… different."

Gilbert nodded his head in understanding. Matthew met his eyes with a small smile.

"You said I should prepare myself for a story. So far it seems I'm the one doing the talking." Gilbert mocked offense at his friend's words.

"Well, what do you want to hear about?"

Matthew looked out at the road in thought, then spoke up saying, "Tell me about your parents."

Gilbert followed Matthew's gaze considering what to say and what not to. After brief contemplation he decided just to say whatever came out. He trusted Matthew.

"My dad was a military man just like his dad, the grandpa I live with. He was pretty cool. I mean, we weren't super close, but I liked him. Lud was actually really close to him, copying him all the time and stuff. Can you tell?" Gilbert peered at Matthew out of the corner of his eye, his question causing the blond to laugh and nod in affirmation.

Gilbert continued, "It was my mom who I was really close to. She was awesome. She was what I guess people would call a bright soul? I don't know. Basically, she had this loud personality that was just… fun and crazy. It was so different from my dad, but they just worked you know? The only downside was that my opa didn't like her much. He thought she was too wild and stuff, but lo and behold she rubbed off on my dad, they got married and here I am!"

Gilbert smiled but something in his eyes was off. He slumped down a little and began tracing circles in the mulch with his feet.

"He just didn't understand her. She wasn't crazy. She was just nice. When I was little she used to always say how great it was that I was so unique. You might not believe it, but little kids find it scary when one of their classmates looks like me." Gilbert chuckled at a memory of one of the classmates. "She was always there to make me feel right. When I screwed up, she said how it wasn't my fault. My grandpa always thought she was babying me and that it was making me too much like her… It's kind of why we butt heads so much. I know he hated her… and I can't understand why he is capable of hating something I love."

Gilbert kicked the mulch in frustration. Matthew listened intently and watched Gilbert with a keen eye.

Matthew broke their momentary silence saying, "I hated living with my dad." Gilbert looked up at him.

"He wasn't mean or anything, but he didn't really understand me. He was used to Alfred who is just so loud and extroverted. He just didn't know what to do with a kid as quite as me. I remember one time he was trying to tell me I should talk more like Alfred to make friends and stuff. He really did care, but I just got mad, even exploded at him once. I mean, I had just lost my best friend, so I was just upset with all the changes."

Gilbert nodded in understanding as Matthew paused a moment in his story.

"Then, he had a heart attack." Gilbert's eyes widened. He knew something like this was coming up since Matthew was adopted, but he didn't expect the teen to be so matter-of-fact about it.

Matthew continued, "It wasn't as surprising as the crash though. He had this history of heart problems. I think it ran in his family a little too. Then, Al and me got placed in the orphanage, and not long after that Francis and Arthur came along."

They were silent for a moment as a breeze blew past.

Gilbert shifted in his swing and broke the silence saying, "They seem nice."

Matthew continued staring straight ahead as he responded, "Francis makes good pancakes."

Gilbert laughed.

"As good as your mom?"

Matthew smiles softly. "Only I can make them like my mom."

Gilbert looked Matthew in the eye speaking softly.

"Maybe you should make me some sometime."

Matthew spoke in a voice just as quite while maintaining eye contact, "I should."

They started at each other in comfortable silence as the wind blew past shifting their hair and rustling the surrounding trees. Gilbert's eyes darted about Matthew's face stopping to focus on one part for a few moments before moving on. Matthew stared back at Gilbert's eyes letting his own linger on other parts of the albino's face for moments at a time.

Gilbert's hands shifted on the chain of the swing as he swallowed hard – his mouth had gone dry and his tongue suddenly seemed too large. He leaned closer to his friend slowly. His movement was interrupted by a loud ring.

Matthew smiled shyly as he stood and dug through his pocket to get his phone.

"Hello?" Matthew paused listening to voice on the other line. Gilbert sat back into the swing comfortably listening to Matthew continue on the phone, "Hey, dad."

"I'm – uh – at the park right now."

Gilbert could decipher the muffles of Arthur's words on the other end of the phone to inquiring about if Matthew could make it home soon for dinner with his family.

"Yeah, it's okay. I can be there."

Gilbert couldn't make out the next words muffled through the phone, but Matthew chuckled.

"I'll head there now… No, it's okay… I'm not that far. It's the one near the house… I don't know where he is, but he didn't tell me anything about being home late… Okay… I'll be there soon… Bye, dad."

Matthew hung up his phone and turned to Gilbert, "I have to go."

Gilbert nodded as he stood up from the swing. "Yeah, could tell."

They stood in front of each other for a few moments in an awkward silence just staring eye to eye, neither knowing what to do next. Gilbert licked his lips – his mouth suddenly seemed dry again. Matthew fiddled with his hoodie as he put his phone back into his pocket.

Their trance was broken by Matthew speaking up muttering, "I – uh – I should head out then."

Gilbert swallowed thickly before responding, "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Matthew picked up his backpack and began his trek home. Part way down the street he turned back to Gilbert and waved goodbye.

Gilbert waved back still partly stuck in their earlier trance. He watched his friend fade smaller as he walked away. Gilbert ran a hand through his hair slowly messing it up as he continued to stare.

"Dammit," he muttered fondly before picking up his home bag and walking home in the opposite direction, his mind traveling back to the boy turning down a different street.

* * *

><p>AN: This was way shorter than I thought it was.

Okay, huge apology for disappearing on you guys! School snuck up on me and it's been hell ever since. I've been having problems with grades and had to go to weekend classes until just two weeks ago, so all I was doing was sleeping and school. My mom told me last week I need to have fun because I wasn't happy and all I even talked about was school. So I listened to her advice and started going to engineering again, I got myself a boyfriend (maybe that can help with some of this writing stuff, eh?), and have been focusing on being happy more than grades. And that has been what was up with me since I last posted something.

To celebrate doing things I like, I finished this chapter as fast as possible for you guys! I hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks so much for staying with this, guys, and putting up with my bullshit and still reading and liking it after so much time! Couldn't do this without you guys pushing me along and with all your input!

I'm so happy to be writing again and I'll see you next chapter!


	20. Chapter 20

While getting ready for bed after removing all the pillows, Matthew found himself standing next to his bed lost in thought. It had been an interesting day. He never would have expected to have a conversation with Gilbert like the one he had, and especially not to hear Gilbert say the things he did. It was… refreshing in an odd way.

If Matthew were to be completely honest, before today he was afraid of what would happen if he and Gilbert remained friends. Before their conversation, he spent time wondering if he would ever be open with his friend and what Gilbert would think of him, but his fear dissolved after that afternoon.

The whole thing bought his image of Gilbert down to earth, it humanized him. Ever since the bridge, he sometimes wondered if Gilbert was even real. Gilbert was just too amazing, too great in so many ways, and too convenient to turn up now. It was as if some higher being looked down on Matthew's life and bestowed upon him the best possible gift, someone to love.

Matthew started at the direction his thoughts had taken. Did he really just use the L word? He was comfortable enough with himself to admit he formed a small crush on Gilbert, but he hadn't thought much of it. Never in the past was he close to someone he was attracted to. The whole predicament left him a little lost.

He had no idea what to do in a situation like this. Hide his feelings? Go for it? He didn't even know if Gilbert was gay for God's sake! Should he bring that up first? He really didn't expect to be judge for his own sexual preferences. Gilbert knew about his dads and was cool with it. But where did Gilbert stand?

Matthew lay down with a sigh. Of course, the moment he gets a really good friend he develops a crush on them. He thought back to everything he knew about Gilbert; replayed each moment in his head as he lay there in the dark staring at the ceiling. He thought back to the multitude of lunchtimes; then to the times in the hallway.

Then he thought of Elizabeta. Then he thought of Elizaveta and Gilbert. Elizabeta and Gilbert. How had ne not seen that before? There had to be something there… even if they didn't know it.

They gave off one of those 'Kim Possible and Ron Stopable' vibes, destined to be together. He bet everyone that knew them longer saw it. Gilbert even did that thing where he pretends to be tough when he really isn't.

_Guys do that to impress girls, right?_ Matthew wasn't completely positive. It wasn't anything he ever did before, but he never really had close relationships with crushes.

He sighed.

_I guess it would be best to let it go right now._

He knew he was being pessimistic with the whole Elizaveta thing. That kind of thought process was still ingrained in him. It was hard to imagine things going his way even if they had recently. He would just let things flow normally. Besides, it was just a crush.

* * *

><p>Gilbert walked into his homeroom class earlier than usual. The room was already full of kids bustling about; the noise of a constant chatter cascaded around the room. Gilbert paid no heed to his classmates. He had one person to talk to and a conversation from the day before running through his head.<p>

Gilbert walked up to Elizaveta's desk and slammed both hands on the surface, his body looming over her confused form.

"Okay. I'm in." Gilbert stated seriously.

Elizaveta looked back at him in confusion before responding, "What?"

Gilbert plopped down in his desk sideways as to still face his friend. He waved his hand about as if trying to conjure words as he began speaking, "You know," He waved his hand about more as if he could magically send the message to her head instead of having to say them out loud.

Elizaveta raised an eyebrow at him as she inquired, "What do I know?"

Gilbert sighed trying to suppress the embarrassment he felt.

"You know about what you said yesterday? About helping out with Matthew? I'm in," he exasperated not liking having to verbally ask for her help.

Elizaveta smirked and leaned forward at his words.

"Oh really now? And _what _made you change your mind?"

"I hung out with Matthew, we talked a bit, and I decided I want to go for it, okay?" Gilbert exasperated.

"You talked? About what?"

Gilbert glared not truly angry. "It's none of your business."

Elizaveta put her hands up in mock defense replying, "I was just curios, she put her hands down before continuing, "…And I guess that means he didn't say anything about being gay?"

Gilbert leaned back in his chair dragging out a, "No."

Elizaveta hummed in response. After a moment Gilbert having yet to move from his awkward position spoke up stating, "You never said if you were going to help."

"Do you really need to ask that?"

Gilbert chuckled while he sat up, "I guess not."

He stretched his arms above his head. "So, all knowing woman, what should I do?"

"Oh yeah, I can definitely get used to being called that. But I'm thinking it might be best to just scope things out first. Take it slow, you know?"

Gilbert replied, "Yeah, I guess you're right. And here I thought this would be easy, and you would do all the work."

Elizaveta rolled her eyes. "I'm more here to help you out and push you in the right direction. AKA make sure you don't do something stupid like usual."

Gilbert nodded. "Yeah, okay I can see that. Hey! Wait! Like Usua –"

The bell rang cutting him off.

He glared at Elizaveta hissing, "This isn't over."

She just joked, "It definitely isn't if you're gonna get your man."

* * *

><p>Gilbert walked to his second period class with a nervous feeling sitting in his stomach. He hadn't seen Matthew since he came to term with his own feelings yesterday. He knew it was stupid to worry about how to act. It wasn't like anything had changed, but it sure felt like it.<p>

He would just have to act like he normally did. It couldn't be hard. He liked Matthew before. He was just openly admitting it now. All he had to do was listen to Elizaveta's advice: "Be yourself."

He didn't know what he was expecting to hear from Elizaveta this morning. She was always good with relationship stuff. He supposed he expected her to tell him some big advice on it all; not some overused cheesy line. He sighed.

Gilbert guessed that if Elizaveta said it there must be some truth to it, and at least it was something easy. It really can't be that hard to just be his awesome self.

His words backfired the moment he walked into his second period classroom and laid his eyes on Matthew. Matthew had yet to see Gilbert, too occupied flipping through his notebook.

Gilbert paused in the doorway. He swallowed; his tongue suddenly seeming out of place in his mouth. He took a breath; then gripped the strap of his backpack one finger at a time before continuing to walk.

Matthew looked up to meet Gilbert's eyes right before the albino sat down.

Gilbert attempted to plop in the seat like usual but hit himself at an odd angle making a pain sore through his back from his collarbone. Matthew began to laugh loudly as Gilbert cursed the desk.

"Dude, it's so not funny," Gilbert grunted rubbing his butt.

"I don't know. I think it's hilarious," Matthew chuckled eye alight.

Gilbert look at Matthew's ready to make a snide comment but ended up chuckling.

"Yeah, Yeah, we'll see if I'm sympathetic next time you do something stupid," Gilbert joked.

Matthew paused before letting out a forced laugh. He wasn't sure exactly what Gilbert meant, and if he was getting the wrong hints from it.

Gilbert started as he heard Matthew's laugh, and then he realized what he said. _Damn,_ he thought. At first he was going to lighten the mood again, but then he realized that this could be a chance to tell Matthew about what he knew.

"Hey, Birdie?"

"Yeah?" Matthew question distractedly as he started digging through his backpack for a pen.

The late bell rang as Gilbert opened his mouth to speak.

Matthew smiled requesting, "Tell me after class, okay?"

"Uh… yeah." Gilbert felt half there as if he really was sitting at the other side of the room watching the exchange. He was turning to face the front of the classroom as the teacher began to lecture when his conscious finally rejoined his body. His mind went haywire.

He had almost told Matthew. He was about to say that he knew about the cutting and the attempted suicide and everything. That… was that even a good idea? Looking back, it didn't completely see like the right time. He never planned out how to go about saying it. He had completely forgotten about mentioning it until now.

"_Maybe it was good I didn't tell. Aren't there like specific ways you have to mention it?" _he mused about his luck as he tried to rack his brain about people who train to talk to teens with the same problems as Matthew.

In all honesty, he had no idea what he was doing. He liked Matthew, he really did, and he knew he should tell. He just wasn't sure how, and if Matthew even would want him to bring it up. With the way Matthew acted it seemed as if he already knew that Gilbert knew and was just avoiding upfront confrontation about it. Gilbert was still around; still treating him with respect, watching his words and those things, maybe that was all he needed to do about it.

Gilbert continued flipping ideas over in his head as he completely zoned out of class. He looked over at Matthew who was diligently taking notes. Gilbert smiled thinking, "_…overachiever."_

When the bell rang signaling the end of class, the two friends got up as usual to walk most of the way to their next classes together.

In the hallway, Matthew questioned, "Oh, before I forget, what did you want to say earlier?"

"Oh… uh, I don't really remember. It wasn't important."

* * *

><p>Alfred watched Matthew in their third period class just trying to understand his brother. Something was up recently, but he just couldn't place it. He was going to spend some time with Matthew yesterday after school to figure it out, but got caught up with some friends instead.<p>

Alfred narrowed his eyes as if that would help see through the layer of skin worn on Matthew for everyone to see, as if it would give him a special x-ray vision to see thoughts or feelings instead of what his normal eyes saw.

Alfred liked superheroes. Unfortunately, he was not a superhero and could only see his brother sitting in class with a small smile obviously not paying attention.

It made no sense to Alfred. Matthew was happy right now, and the other day he was really sad, and earlier than that he was angry. It was like a mood swing that was lasting over a long period of time. He considered what could be changing in his brother's life that could case these mood swings.

The only thing he could come up with were Matthew's friends. Matthew used to have much more free time for some bro-chill-time, BCT as Alfred referred to it, and just was a naturally laid-back-at-home kind of person. Now, Matthew was out of the house all the time, hanging out with friends almost every day.

Alfred suspected drugs, peer pressure maybe, or worse, peer pressure into doing drugs.

Matthew was a shy person; he didn't have a lot of close friends that he hung out with. To Alfred that seemed like a perfect candidate to be manipulated.

Alfred shook his head and tried to pay attention to the teacher. He never did well with worry. It was Matthew's business who he hung out with, he was a smart kid and could take care of himself. Alfred didn't doubt Matthew had that capability, but just knew his brother was like. Besides, it was kind of his job to make sure Mattie was okay, it had been like that a while.

He just needed to scope things out.

Alfred glanced at Matthew.

He would have to start small. Matthew never liked him meddling.

* * *

><p>Lunch among Matthew's friends was a calmer affair than most days. There wasn't as much loud arguing and excited chatter. Lovino was attempting to give Antonio the silent treatment while Antonio tried to coax him into talking, Ludwig was trying to explain various math problems to Feliciano who listened diligently, and Gilbert was just talking less.<p>

Gilbert was putting it off as being hungry and not wanting to talk with his mouth full, but in reality he was thinking of things to say. Elizaveta watched him with a roll of her eyes not understanding why he was so dramatic.

Elizaveta made sure Matthew wouldn't hear as she leaned over to Gilbert and muttered, "Dude, it's not hard, just talk like you normally do but with more flirt," referring to some advice she told Gilbert as she passed him in the hall on the way to the cafeteria. Despite saying she wasn't going to do much, she couldn't help but get involved. Now that she knew what Gilbert was up to she would want to be in on all the details.

Gilbert glanced at Matthew who was currently discussing some book with Roderich – Roderich had been pleased to discover that Matthew was an avid reader of literature, especially classics.

"I can't just _do_ that. It's _Matthew," _Gilbert whispered with as much exasperation as he could muster in his quiet voice.

Elizaveta rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Gil? That should be the reason it is easier! You flirt all the time with people."

"That's different."

"Whatever. But you need to show you're interested at least."

"No shit, Sherlock," Gilbert said followed by the complaint, "why did I tell you about this again?"

Gilbert knew why. It's because he didn't want to horribly screw it up. This wasn't just some random hot person at a party. This was Matthew and he was just… different.

Gilbert began to listen in on Roderich's and Matthew's conversation waiting for a moment to jump in.

"I know we are supposed to feel sympathy for Humbert, but I just couldn't," Matthew was saying to Roderich.

Roderich responded, "Yes, but after hearing the story from his view it was obviously something out of his control, so it he wasn't completely at fault."

Matthew balked. "Oh come on! He so killed Mrs. Hayes, and his mind made up for it! How can you not see that? And it symbolized that no one could stop him!"

Gilbert smiled at how offended Matthew looked by Roderich's views of whatever novel they were currently talking about. He looked at Roderich to see the teen considering Matthew's words with speculation.

Roderich was about to retort when Matthew raised an eyebrow combined with a look challenging Roderich to say something. At that point Gilbert laughed unable to just watch.

"Oh shut up," Roderich snapped. "It's not you can have a proper opinion. You didn't even read the book."

Gilbert grinned as he retorted, "That I did not, but I know Birdie here has to be right." He threw an arm over Matthew's shoulders that were shacking with laughter.

Roderich shot Gilbert an annoyed look before turning to Antonio to advise him to stop pestering Lovino.

Gilbert squeezed Matthew's shoulder before moving his arm back to his person. Matthew felt the ghost of his handprint prickling on his skin through the hoodie he wore. He tried to will away the blush that was forming at the feeling only partly successful.

After a few moments Gilbert questioned, "Hey, Birdie, you want to come over today?"

"Yeah, that'd be fun."

Matthew smiled.

* * *

><p>AN: Well this was a long time coming. It took me forever to find all the papers this was written on to type up. I think there was another scene, but it might have been accidentally thrown away with whatever notes from last semester it was written on ^^' I should invest in a notebook, so I can actually write on the go and more often.

The novel referenced was Lolita for anyone who was wondering. Prizes for people who caught that when reading.

Yeah, not really going to put another blub saying how busy I've been with all things school, college, and family this time.

Anyways, this is short, but setting up for some interesting stuff (or interesting to me)

Thanks everyone who is sticking with this despite the fact we are going on 2 years now (wow I've been working on this half of my high school career come april). And thanks to all the new people jumping in this story. I have no idea where you guys are popping up from, but welcome and hope ya'll all enjoy this chapter and what is to come.


	21. Chapter 21

Quick heads up, there is a part of this chapter with some sentences entirely in French. (This will be a rare occurrence don't worry)

The translations are not super important to the story/understanding the plot, but there are translations for the longer parts at the bottom if you need them. I also used google translate, so if they are wrong instead of castrating me feel free to correct me in a message.

Happy reading.

* * *

><p>Alfred chose to walk home by himself the following Wednesday in order to think. The original plan was to walk with Matthew to the house, but when he asked his brother, Matthew claimed to the be hanging out with friends.<p>

Had Matthew used that excuse earlier than lunch that day Alfred would have questioned it, but lunched changed his mind.

That day, during the class he shared with Matthew, Alfred invited Matthew to sit with him at lunch. He personally thought it was an amazing idea. He could keep an eye on Matthew, Matthew could make friends, and maybe it would help fix whatever was happening to his brother.

Alfred relived the moment – walking up to his brother asking, "Hey bro, you wanna eat with me today?"

Matthew looked startled at the question as if his mind was just returning to his body from some imaginary world; then he looked confused.

"Uh… what?"

Alfred just replied with a smile, "Lunch. Eat with me."

"Oh…No thanks."

"Okay. Wait – you don't want to?" Alfred asked incredulously genuinely surprised.

"No, Al. I'd rather eat with my friends."

Alfred was taken aback. He didn't consider that Matthew would choose not to.

"Okay," Alfred dragged out the word turning back toward his desk, "Well the offer always stands."

Matthew just smiled amused at Alfred's lingering form. "Whatever you say, Al."

Continuing his track home, Alfred went through the scene a second time. When he had first seen Matthew sitting in class, Matthew had looked distracted, worried, even… sad.

Alfred was sure Matthew would perk up at the lunch offer, and he did, just not the way Alfred expected. Something seemed odd about Matthew's new friends – he was observant enough to conclude that whoever they were, they had to be recently acquired. It would have been unlikely for them all to start hanging out so often at once if they had already been friends, and would not have explained Matthew's change in mood.

The thing that irked Alfred was how distracted Matthew seemed even when in a good mood… especially when in a good mood? Focusing on it now, maybe Matthew was more distracted when happy.

Alfred sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn't always good with reading people, and he wasn't sure what to think. All Alfred knew was that something was wrong with Matthew.

It seemed that way for a while, just much more subtle. Alfred believed it was just the high school transition. Matthew was shy, a very introverted person, and the pressures of high school can be hard for someone like that.

Alfred mentally raised his eyebrows. There was a chance someone was using Matthew, or being mean to him, or peer pressuring him into something. Then again, Matthew was a smart kid. Alfred would just have to see who Matthew's friends were.

Alfred turned onto his street after deciding that was best and feeling a little better about the situation.

* * *

><p>Matthew was having a good day. Good days were beginning to be far more common than the bad recently, mostly because he had something to look forward to everyday.<p>

Right now he was looking forward to meeting Gilbert after school. Today, the two were going to hang out at Gilbert's for a bit.

Matthew walked to his locker after the final bell easily evading the crowd of students around him. He could feel his happiness rising at the thought of being able to spend some time with Gilbert, just him and Gilbert. Matthew knew he shouldn't feel this excited to see a friend, but there was nothing he could do about it.

He was not about to ask anyone in his family for advice on how to handle crushes. Just the thought of their reactions could make him shiver. He decided earlier to just grip the safety bars and ride it out. He hadn't found a way to ruin their friendship yet, so he was convinced he couldn't ruin it if he kept the tiny crush thing to himself – no letdowns, no awkwardness, just a phase.

He finished going to his locker with no appearance from Gilbert yet. Matthew looked around. Usually Gilbert was here already talking about some opinion he had on an event that happened in one of his afternoon classes.

His eyes quickly found Gilbert in the crowd – it was always easy to spot the albino in a crowd. Gilbert was in deep conversation with Elizaveta.

"Okay, so why don't you just start talking about relationships or something?" Elizaveta asked Gilbert.

Gilbert dragged a hand over his mouth and down to his chin as he mulled it over.

"I'm just not sure. I mean… Yeah, I'm just not sure about that one," Gilbert responded distractedly still going over all the pros and cons in his head.

"Oh come on! It is a perfect idea and not too different from what you wanted!" Elizaveta exasperated. "Can't you see it? You start talking about relationships. Matthew starts thinking about relationships. You knock up the flirt super high. Message sent. Conversation goes on a bit. Then… Bam!" she clapped for emphasis, "Message received and you have your man."

She stood proudly as Gilbert looked at her incredulously.

"No."

"Why not?" Elizaveta asked surprised.

"I just… I have to be very careful, okay? This? This cannot be mistaken as a whim or… or anything not sincere or because of… It just can't be misunderstood."

"Gilbert, you're barely making sense. I get you like Matthew, but why are you watching yourself so much?"

"I…I just can't tell you, okay? Not now. It… I really should have told." Gilbert took a breath. Thinking about the bad things wasn't going to help. "I just don't want to screw up. You get that."

Elizaveta sighed. She had an itching feeling there was more to it, but she couldn't make Gilbert talk.

"Fine. Just be yourself, and at least _try_ to be a bit flirty. God knows that boy won't notice where you're coming from if you're not at least a bit blunt."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Whatever, and before you ask you're not getting pictures of anything when we get together." Gilbert turned to try and see where Matthew was.

Elizaveta huffed, but before she could speak Gilbert spotted Matthew watching them and turned to her putting a hand on her shoulder.

"As insightful as you have been, I have a handsome blond over there waiting for me so… see ya."

Gilbert jogged over to where Matthew was by his locker.

"What up, Birdie?" Gilbert said sliding next to Matthew's locker with a grin.

"What were you and Elizaveta talking about?" Matthew nodded at where Elizaveta was walking away with a girl he didn't recognize.

Gilbert blushed. "Uh… Nothing important or anything. Just regular chitter-chatter, you know?"

Matthew gave him a questioning look before responding suspiciously with a dragged out, "Yeah."

Gilbert decided to get back on track. "So, you ready to go or should we stand around some more?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe we should just stay here all day."

Gilbert gawked, "What?"

"Kidding," Matthew laughed. "Come on let's get going."

Gilbert chuckled following him outside. He really liked getting to see this side of Matthew. Everyone thought he was just this shy kid, but there were time like this with Gilbert where he would just joke and go on tangents talking about everything.

"And you should have seen his face! It was hilarious!"

Gilbert cut off Matthew's story about Alfred. "Hey, why do you like polar bears?"

Matthew gave him a confused look. "Uh… Why do you ask?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Well the other day you were trying to convince Feli they were the best, and I just can't figure out why you like them so much."

"How can you not like them? They are majestic beasts of the north! They are so cool like –" A ringing cut off the beginning of Matthew's rant.

They stopped walking so Matthew could dig his phone out of his pocket. Gilbert pretended not to listen to Matthew's side of the conversation when he answered.

"Hello?" Gilbert saw Matthew roll his eyes and grin.

"Que devez-vous, Papa?"

Gilbert's ears perked up at the French. He sometimes forgot Matthew was practically fluent, and then there were times like this.

Matthew spoke up again after a few seconds chuckling, "Non, je vais à la maison de Gilbert aujourd'hui."

Gilbert perked up at the sound of his name being spoken with all the French. He did always like when Matthew spoke French. It was so cool and now…

"Non! Papa! Nous sommes juste amis!" Matthew said defensively into the phone, a blush forming on his face.

There was a pause for a few minutes where Gilbert tried to strain his ears to hear what the person on the other line was saying.

Then Matthew spoke again a little dejectedly, "Je ne sais pas où est Alfred." He paused. "Yeah. Okay bye."

They walked a few seconds in silence before Gilbert spoke up.

"Who was that?"

"It was just my Papa. He wanted to know what I was up to and if I knew where Alfred was today and stuff."

"And stuff." Gilbert chuckled after meeting Francis he knew the man had to be teasing Matthew.

"Oh, shut up!" Matthew half-heartedly punched Gilbert's arm causing him to laugh.

"I always forget you speak French."

Matthew just shrugged. "It's not that exciting. Not a lot of people around here speak it either, so I really can only use it with my Papa."

"It suits you," Gilbert paused, "And you can so use it for more! You can use it to pass your language elective. I can't use German for that."

"I never really thought about it that way," Matthew said, "It's kind of a natural part of speaking."

Gilbert smirked, "Yeah, it just slips out sometimes."

The pair continued walking to Gilbert's house taking much longer than a normal walk to there from the school would be, but neither minded. The weather was nice – not a cloud in the sky with a slight breeze – and the company was enjoyable.

Gilbert was talking as they approached his house. "I know. I know. I'm just saying it's a waste of time to make _all _of us do. You have to see where I'm coming from!"

He held the front door for Matthew as the later responded thoughtfully, "I guess I can see what you're trying to say, but still practice is an integral part of learning even if the practice seems useless.

Gilbert rolled his eyes playfully, "Better watch it. You're starting to sound philosophical there."

They both laughed as they walked towards the stairs.

"Gilbert!" A rough voice broke through there laughter.

Gilbert froze taking a glance at Matthew, the kitchen and back again. He was too distracted talking he didn't check to see if his grandfather was home. He scanned the room silently praying for a way to hide Matthew or maybe to hide his grandfather from Matthew.

His grandpa walked out of the kitchen, "Gilbert we – " He paused when he saw Matthew standing at the bottom of the stairs sheepishly.

Matthew could feel the man's eyes sizing him, judging, before Gilbert's grandfather's posture softened.

"Hello. I didn't know Gilbert was bringing anyone over."

Gilbert didn't respond, avoiding eye-contact with his grandpa.

"I'm Gilbert here's grandfather," he grasped Gilbert's shoulder as he spoke, "but you can call me Mr. Beilschmidt," the man spoke gruffly as he held out a hand for Matthew.

Matthew responded, "I'm Matthew. It's nice to meet you," as he shook Mr. Beilschmidt's hand.

Mr. Beilschmidt raised his eyebrows slightly surprised at the firmness of the timid boy's handshake.

"Gilbert, I need to talk to you about something if you mind," Mr. Beilschmidt said now address his grandson.

Gilbert noticed his most recent French quiz in his grandfather's hand mentally reminding himself not to just leave anything with a bad grade on it in his room.

"I mind," Gilbert responded defiantly.

Mr. Beilshmidt stiffened crinkling the quiz slightly drawing Matthew's attention to the paper. The man glanced at Matthew before giving Gilbert a stern look that could only be gained after a military career.

"Gilbert. Are you sure about that?"

"Actually… fine," Gilbert muttered defeated.

Matthew watched as Gilbert followed Mr. Beilsmidt into the kitchen just out of sight a wall separating them. He had expected to hear yelling or at least Gilbert being loudly defensive, but instead all he heard was the mumble of normal voices.

Inside the kitchen, Mr. Beilsmidt was talking to Gilbert in an attempt to get Gilbert to open up.

"I found this on the floor in your room," Mr. Beilsmidt stated calmly showing the paper to Gilbert.

"Why were you in my room?" Gilbert snapped not looking at his grandfather.

"You just left the door open, and I saw this on the floor. It was very clean."

Gilbert looked at his grandfather trying to read his features. Compliments didn't usually faze Gilbert.

Gilbert took a breath to calm himself before responding, "What about it?"

"I'm just worried. You're not doing well, and it doesn't seem like you even care."

Gilbert huffed at that before Mr. Beilsmidt continued, "Now, I'm glad your hanging out with a friend now, especially someone new," Gilbert stiffened at the implications, "But I want you to at least show you care about school, or something at all."

"This," Mr. Beilsmidt shook the quiz, "is not _cool_ if that is what you're going for."

Gilbert snatched the paper from his grandpa's hands -, "I don't think it's cool or any _shit_ like that!"

"Language, Gilbert!" Mr. Beilsmidt ordered.

They exchanged a few more words before Gilbert left the kitchen and was reminded that they weren't alone in the house. All the anger evaporated from Gilbert when he saw Matthew by the stairwell looking concerned.

"Hey," Gilbert greeted sheepishly.

"You okay," Matthew asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. He just wanted to talk about this quiz. I'm kind of doing bad in the class."

"Can I see?" Matthew inquired motioning to the quiz. Gilbert shrugged handing the paper over.

Matthew looked the failing grade over for a moment.

"You know, you actually were pretty close. You just chose the wrong verb. I mean you should have used soit, and you are included in the second paragraph so it should be plural and say things like nous sommes. "

Gilbert chuckled, "Native speakers."

"That's not it. Il n'est pas si difficile quand tu étudies," Matthew said playfully causing Gilbert to laugh despite not knowing what his friend said.

"You speak French?" Mr. Beilsmidt spoke up from the kitchen doorway.

"Yes, sir," answered Matthew politely.

"Why don't you tutor Gilbert?" Mr. Beilsmidt suggested.

"What?" Gilbert broke in trying to hide his panic.

M. Beilsmidt shrugged. "You need help, and I'd think you'd want to get help from a friend than someone else. That's if you are okay with it, Matthew."

Matthew looked between the two Beilsmidts not sure how to respond. Mr. Beilsmidt sensed Matthew's discomfort so added, "Just think about it," before returning to the kitchen to start dinner.

The two teens remaining were silent for a second.

"I really wouldn't mind," Matthew said timidly. Gilbert ignored the statement.

"You wanna go for a walk?" asked Gilbert.

"Uh… sure?"

Matthew wasn't too sure what to think about what happened at Gilbert's house. It had just occurred to him that he had never met Gilbert's grandfather before now, something that was strange since he and Gilbert hung out all the time. Matthew thought back to the time Gilbert talked about his family and the relationships he had with them. It was one thing to consider the disconnect between Gilbert and his grandfather, but another to see it in person. Seeing Gilbert's grandfather attempt to reach out to his grandson only to have Gilbert turn away was thought provoking for Matthew.

It was unusual to see someone turn away from comforts like that. Matthew only wished someone would reach out to him like Gilbert's grandfather, and he would not turn away. He supposed it only showed how different Gilbert and him really were.

After a while they made it to the same part where their recent heart to heart took place. It seemed different to both of their eyes. It no longer only carried the long ago nostalgia of childhood, but also reminded both of them of the secrets they carried about each other, the little things they've seen that others would never know.

They didn't speak about this indescribable feeling, but it was in the dry air around them.

They found themselves sitting on the same swings that sat at before in a stilled conversation, everything calm and relaxed even the wind.

"You know, it would be a good idea to tutor you," Matthew said nonchalantly.

Gilbert looked at his friend biting the inside of his cheek before responding, "You really don't need to. You wouldn't get anything out of it."

"Sure I would. I could use it on applications, and I would be helping a friend." Matthew smiled in way Gilbert could only pinpoint to the word pure. He was never great with words, not an author of any sorts, but he knew there was no way to describe the genuine looks Matthew sometimes had. It always amazed him how he could be next to someone so caring. It left a constricted feeling in his chest that made him overly aware of the manner he was breathing.

Gilbert sighed, "I guess it couldn't hurt."

Matthew's grin grew, "Great! We can start when we begin the next unit."

Gilbert swallowed. "Yeah," he muttered before beginning to swing.

They stayed at the park for a while soaking in the sun and enjoying one another's company.

It was during times like this Matthew could really let go and it felt amazing. During a pause in their joking around he thought about what he had just agreed to: tutoring Gilbert. He didn't think that Gilbert would be a bad student, on the contrary Gilbert put himself wholeheartedly in the things he deemed worthy of awesome as he would say.

It was more the implication of what would happen. They would have to be alone with no distractions. Matthew knew it was a ridiculous thing to worry about since they were alone all the time, but it seemed different in some way. Matthew looked at Gilbert, observing his friend.

Then, he chuckled in his head, _"It really is like a preteen crush. Look at what I'm thinking."_

Gilbert heard Matthew chuckling and inquired, "What?"

Matthew just gave a small smile. "Nothing."

"No. Tell me!" Gilbert grabbed Matthew's swing tugging closer so he could grab Matthew.

"Let go, Gil!" Matthew exclaimed struggling.

"Not until you tell!"

Gilbert let go when Matthew said he felt his phone vibrating.

Matthew opened his cell to see a text from Alfred reading,

"_You should come home soon. Dad keeps going all bezerko wondering if you'll be home for dinner and stuff."_

Gilbert tried to peer over Matthew's shoulder to read the text.

"What does it say?"

Matthew pushed Gilbert's face away from his shoulder. "Just Al saying I should head home. Sounds like my dad wants to make sure everyone is at dinner. We like having dinner together," Matthew spoke shrugging of his words.

"That's cool," Gilbert said genuinely.

"What is?"

"Family dinners. You know, with everyone there and that whole setting and stuff," Gilbert spoke quietly seemingly distracted.

"I guess," Matthew said not wanting to sound ungrateful by saying they really weren't for him.

Time passed quickly after that for Matthew as if he was watching the world pass. In a moment he was saying goodbye to Gilbert, and the next he was sitting at his dinner table as his dad tried to ask him about his day.

"Anything new happening, Matthew?" Arthur inquired genuinely curious.

"Nothing really," Matthew responded expecting the subject to be dropped.

"Who did you eat with at lunch?" Alfred asked a little too loudly.

Matthew gave him a confused look as he said slowly in a matter-of-fact manner, "My friends."

Alfred huffed sitting back a moment before questioning, "Well, who did you hang out with after school?"

Matthew rolled his eyes getting ready to make a sarcastic remark, but Francis spoke first.

"He was with Gilbert of course," Francis spoke with a grin.

Alfred muttered, "Gilbert," to himself making sure he put the right face to the name. Then he pursed his lips. If it was the Gilbert he was thinking about, then his theories could be true.

"Yeah," Matthew said slowly not quite keeping up with the conversation.

Francis looked at his son with a smile that said he knew more as conversation around the table moved on to other things, and so the night went on until everyone was in bed. Matthew slept well that night.

* * *

><p>A few days past, and Gilbert found himself in his homeroom early. It is a new habit he got. By doing work he goes to bed early, with better sleep he is easier to wake up, and ready the same time West is so just they just leave for school.<p>

He would never openly say it, but he did like getting to school early, just because of the time it gave him to think. It was just nice to have a day where he could relax and not be in a panic on the inside to go fast to make it on time.

Gilbert thought of a lot of things, but mostly he thought of Matthew, the new presence in his life that was slowly morphing it into something else.

Gilbert was a person that planned a lot. He made little strategies and plans for everything. He could sometimes tell how people would react, abet he didn't always use the knowledge, but it was there. When dealing with Matthew, he couldn't read anything, and all plans vanished. Any way he had planned to address anything with Matthew disappeared once they started talking.

It got a bit annoying when he was by himself again reliving those kinds of missed moments. Liz would not be too happy, but he couldn't explain it in words. At least he didn't have to worry about ever not being himself around Matthew, because that was all he could be.

The thought was a little scary. He could only be himself. He couldn't hide any insecurities or little ticks. It was horrifying and thrilling. He loved every second of it.

He even looked forward to it. The way he felt to be that way with someone, but not just someone, Matthew. He was a perfection Gilbert could only strive to be if he wanted to even come close to such flawlessness. That's what he thought at least.

His hours flew by when he was with Matthew, something that he wasn't the only one experiencing. Days morphed together as if moving at light speed for both teens ever since they started hanging out. While time went on, it felt slow, both noticing everything, but when looking back the weeks had passed quickly and still were.

Gilbert's day went on and so did Matthew's until it was Tuesday evening.

Matthew packed away his books after finishing his last math problem. It took longer than he should have, but he was distracted. He couldn't get Gilbert out of his head. He kept finding the albino in everything. It took effort not just to tell stories about Gilbert at dinner every night. Maybe he was just more aware of every time Gilbert came up than before.

Whatever the reason, he didn't mind. At least, he didn't mind until after dinner that night.

It was his night to help with the dishes after dinner that night. Francis took that chance to hang around the kitchen busying himself so he could talk to his son.

"So… Mattieu, how is high school?" Francis asked casually mid-conversation.

Matthew paused his movements in the sink, but smiled a little.

"Nothing special really," Matthew shrugged the question off.

"Oh," Francis raised a curious eyebrow, "No infamous romances are forming?" Francis inquired dramatically.

Through chuckles Matthew denied, "Non, Papa."

"Ah, that is shameful! You know, me and your father were already starting to hit it off back when we were that age?"

Matthew rolled his eyes, "I think dad remembers it differently."

Francis' face contained a small smile his eyes focused on a past memory while he spoke to Matthew saying, "Love finds itself in the most peculiar of places and manifests itself in the most interesting of ways."

Francis caught Matthew's concentrated gaze from the sink and winked.

Matthew returned his focus on the dishes adjusting to the words, letting the swim around in his head for a few moments.

After a few dishes being unloaded from the dishwasher Matthew thought, _"Screw it."_

"So, Papa, you're a big believer in love, but do you think it could ever be a phase?" Matthew played off his question as nonchalantly as he could, feigning innocent curiosity.

Francis walked so he was standing near his son.

The Frenchman spoke in a serious tone, "I don't know what anyone may be telling you, but they are stuck in the past. Sexuality is never a phase. It's –"

"Papa I know. And no one is saying anything about that. Don't worry. I mean like little crushes. You know like could a small crush just be a short time thing?"

Francis hummed eyeing his son. "Honestly, I hate to say it, but it could be if it was someone you didn't know and you just projected an idea you had of them onto that person. But then it's not really liking them but rather the idea."

Matthew considered it. Gilbert did come up at an ideal moment. Maybe that makes him view his friend differently.

"But if you are questioning the sincerity of your feelings right now, I'd say they're probably true, and you're is just a little scared of them." Francis smiled at his son.

"I didn't – I don't." Matthew stuttered.

Francis laughed. "Oh, mon fils, of course I would notice. I know you too well."

Matthew huffed. Francis patted his shoulder affectionately.

"I personally think you should go for it."

Matthew wined, "Papa, I can't do that."

Francis raised an eyebrow at his son in question.

Matthew answered the silent question, "They like someone else and… well…"

Francis sighed leaning against the counter. He almost spoke, but then stopped himself. He chuckled to himself distantly.

"This would have been a great thing for your dad to talk to you about, you know. You and I are very different when it comes to these things, but you're very similar to Arthur." Francis paused smiling to himself as he met Matthew's curious gaze.

"You both question things so much – big thinkers you two – but when it comes to things like this..." Francis dragged off then added, "worriers," with a shake of his head.

Matthew listened to Francis quietly wishing he was told something more about what he should do, but he couldn't ask because he didn't want to have to actually talk about Gilbert, or anything alluding to him.

Francis stood up preparing to leave.

Before leaving he made one last comment, "Matthieu, you really should forget roadblocks and just go for it. You're a great kid. Put yourself out there. I did it for your father and look at us now."

The corners of Matthew's mouth twitched at the last part.

He wasn't entirely sure what to do with everything. It was a lot to take in at once. He would have to contemplate on it a little longer. Everything had been getting simple. However, now the world seemed to be turning differently forcing him to dwell in places he is unfamiliar with. Life was tilting again, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle all the new things.

Matthew sighed heading upstairs to his room, maybe to sketch a bit to get his head clear before heading to bed early. Right now, he just needed some time before anything could happen so he could properly internalize everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Translations:<strong>

Que devez-vous, papa? What do you need, Dad?

Non, je vais à la maison de Gilbert aujourd'hui. No, I'm going to Gilbert's house today.

Non! Papa! Nous Sommes juste amis! No! Dad! We're just friends!

Je ne sais pas où est Alfred I don't know where Alfred is.

Il n'est pas si difficile quand vous étudiez It's not so difficult when you study.

**A/N:**

Before anyone gets mad, I promise you I was writing this entire time even if it was just a paragraph every few days. I feel really bad, but school got me busy amongst some other things including: spending most of my savings on a car, getting mono, wrecking the car, and realizing it's too late to get a summer job so I'm screwed for hopes of getting one.

This chapter had a lot going on so I would love to hear what you're opinions are on everything the characters are up to. I'm pretty proud I get to mark off another two bullet points on my outline (Yeah, I made one and it rocks).

A special thanks to all the newer readers. No idea how you found this without updates, but welcome and thanks for leaving some messages. As always, if you have any questions about anything please feel free to ask.


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